The old notion of schooling...

When I was a child, school was this, "rite of passage," that we all attended. Like, it was written in stone that everyone must go through this journey, good or bad. And in the end, we all learned a secret handshake.

They said, school would help us grow, it would help us experience life, and help us understand the world. It was supposed to be a life lesson that everyone was in agreement that children needed to experienced in unison.

What wasn't planned, was the unnecessary branches that grew illogically from the roots...

What I remember from school, was this barbaric notion of evolution and the domineering food chain, but it didn't resemble real-life. 

In school, we were taught that the most popular prevail above all and being in that group, would get you far. So, most kids aspired to fit in that group. They went to great lengths to belong and tore down many peers in the process. However, talent and achievements were irrelevant in that category. And the "smarties" were mocked, bullied, and tormented, and were not considered an important member of society -Even though, those kids turned out to be the Mark Zuckerbergs of the world.

Children are bullied daily, some to the point of the ultimate sacrifice. They are tried and tested... And contrary to popular belief, children don't bounce back from that. They're not resilient, like everyone claims. Children just get torn down to a hollow empty shell and eventually re-shape themselves into someone different.

And the halls we imagined for ourselves, never quite measured up to the ones in Saved by the Bell...

We were taught to sit in single file desks and stare at a black board. We had little breaks throughout the day and movement was limited. We read out of textbooks and never did group work. And fun learning games were only a celebratory thing, never frequent... 

We were bombarded with repetitious acts to train our brains to recite, instead of understand. Because for some reason, memorization was more important than retention.

Standardize testing has never been used upon departure of school. All it teaches, is how to tear down your self-esteem. It removes the fun of learning and the ability to absorb the basic understanding. It is a pressure system that separates the calm and collective from the nervous and anxiety ridden bunch.

It's no wonder that children lose themselves in the process of schooling. They're told when to eat, when to use the bathroom, what to wear, and when to talk. By the end of their schooling, children are left to decide who they want to be for the rest of their lives. After over a decade, of not being allowed to make a decision... And most, lost sight of the person who once had so many aspirations and dreams. 

Because in school, dreaming isn't measurable and to educators, isn't attainable... 

This once, "rite of passage," has belittled the education system since new research has grown. 

We've now learned that we don't have to subject our children to the same bullying and barbaric education system that we were once a part of. Instead, we banded together and demanded more. 

We learned that kindness and acceptance of all, will create a better person. Our children are taught to stand up for others and help a fellow peer, and to always stand up for their own convictions.

We've learned that standing out against the crowd, is sometimes better than fitting in.

We learned that unschooling proves more promising and less structure in schools, actually promotes more positive results and compliance. 

We learned that tests and grades in elementary levels creates abnormal stresses and decreases confidence for future education.

We learned that children should move around more throughout the day and have more breaks and be outside multiple times a day.

We learned that respect should always be offered from not just the students, but the teachers and staff too. Because, how can a child learn to respect, if they're not being respected.

We have learned that children are more than just robots that can be controlled. Instead, they're these little humans ready to soak up any knowledge worth knowing, when it's being presented correctly. 

Schools have come a long way from my days of walking the halls... Thanks to the ones who demanded more for their children. The parents and educators who sought out the change and implemented the movement to help mold better humans.

But most importantly, we've also learned that school is no longer a rite of passage, but instead, only an option. If your school doesn't fit with your morals and values, then you don't have to subject your children to it. And until all schools reach these new standards, homeschooling is the safer option for your children.

Being at home is a scary concept for many, because it's different. But different isn't always bad. And in this case, you want to be different from the norm.

The most important part is, you're home with your child. You're experiencing life together. And, any problems that arise, can be faced with the love and security from family support. 

Your child isn't left alone, wandering their brain to find solutions for things they don't even know. They're not forced to compare their qualities with peers for acceptance. And they're not torn down and made to be reshaped into an unrecognizable person.

Schooling has come a long way over the years, but it still needs to move leaps and bounds more. And the only way we'll get there, is by parents becoming more educated on unschooling and demanding that their children be treated with the same respect, as you would treat another person. 

If we really want schooling to teach our children what real life is, then we need to start creating a school system that is life like -filled with choices and respect.

So, when our children graduate, they'll be kinder humans ready to soften this world. And, they won't have to spend their college years trying to figure out who they are, they'll already know...

Because our children deserve better than this...

Mid Week Humor: Listening skills...

Me: Please, no running.
Kids: *running.
Me: Ok, thanks.

-At least I know that my powers of invisibility are still going strong...

The Happy Days Blog

That time I was diagnosed with a tumor...

I sat in the semi-lit room, on an outstretched gurney, while my feet dangled off the side of the cold metal. My mother-in-law stood beside me, as I counted the beats in my chest. The large room which I entered, begun to rapidly feel smaller and smaller... 

Minutes prior, I was laying horizontally, when the sonographer was moving the wand diligently over my left breast. She cautiously overlapped one area multiple times and stopped for an abnormal amount of pictures. She remained silent the entire time. The pit in my stomach rose, as I attempted small talk, but was rejected due to her steadfast concentration. When she finally did reply, I was met with, "I'll get the doctor."

I held my Mala beads so tightly in my hands, they were slippery from the sweat. My mother-in-law rubbed my back, as my fear was noticeable. Seconds later, the doctor stepped in...

He stood before me, tall and regal, and explained my exam while apologizing for the undesirable mammogram. Then the words slowly left his lips... And for a brief moment, time stood still and I could almost see the dust particles floating through the air...

They found a tumor in my breast...

In those seconds, my young 35 year old brain flashed through my life. And I immediately welled up with emotions. I was almost angry... Angry at the thought of something I couldn't control coming between my children and I. For god sakes, they're only 5&7 years old. I couldn't be dealing with this. I almost wanted to walk out and sweep this whole conversation under the rug and save it for another time -Like another 50 years...

The doctor informed me that I needed a biopsy and was to meet with a breast oncology surgeon, who thankfully, was amazing. And I'm a luckier person for having him grace my life.

Weeks of other testing and appointments and anguish over my future predicament, all nearly sent me over the edge. I had this urge to just shut everyone out and ride my life out with only my children and I tucked away in a tiny house in the woods... Without ever knowing the definitive result.

There were days that I cried on the floor, fervently sobbing over life ideas that haven't even happened yet. Usually, I spend most of my days relishing in past memories and now, I couldn't help but think of the future... How I'd give up anything, take anything, do anything, just so I could be with my children forever. 

...To witness graduation, marriages, and be an awesome grandma and pass down traditions. To sit with my teenage daughter and talk about boys. To raise my son to be nothing short of a kind gentleman in this crazy world. To just be there for morning drop off and afternoon pick up. To help with homework and run to soccer practice...

To just live...

And I realize to an outsider, these are dramatic thoughts and emotions for a person who doesn't have a definitive diagnosis. But, I challenge anyone who has children, especially young children, to hear the words tumor and referral to a breast oncology surgeon and not go to a scary place in your brain...

But obviously, I didn't run off into the dark of night and sweep all this under the rug, Instead, I made the appointment, with not only my husband standing beside me, but my friends and family as well... I knew I was lucky in life, but man, I couldn't help but feel the positivity from the support I received. My group rose me up. They helped me open my eyes to reality of moving forward; with phone calls, text messages, random coffee shop laughs, visits with desserts, and long conversations... All just letting me know they were there, at any time.

So when I sat on the cold gurney again, awaiting my biopsy, I wasn't full of fear. This time, I was full of hope. That even if the results came back as cancer, I could handle it. I could face it. And I could beat it. Because I had an army behind me, that wouldn't let me do anything differently. 

And, my other mother-in-law graciously stayed with me at home for a few days upon recovery, which meant more to me, than she'll ever know.

And in the end, after 4 long weeks from the first test, I was safe. My results came back as a benign tumor -Fibroadenoma. And I cried in relief, as the elephant sauntered off my chest and the air in the room became lighter... 

It was over...

But only being 35 years old, the reality of life still remained... It's amazing how untouchable we all perceive ourselves. How much we put off for tomorrow, thinking it will always be there for another day. But it's crazy, how only one day can take all these hopes, dreams, and aspirations and dangle them in front of us like an unattainable fantasy. 

How, none of this is guaranteed.

How, we all have these things we put on a imaginary bucket list, always fantasizing about a later, better time. But why aren't we doing them now, when the time is fresh and pure? When the time is actually palpable?

Because cancer doesn't care how old you are, or what you're eager to accomplish, or what you're putting off until tomorrow... And sadly, for some women (and men), these bucket list items may never matriculate.

And the coincidental occurrence of time couldn't be more dramatic. All this, with October being breast cancer awareness month... 

As I write this, I'm beyond incredibly grateful for my second chance; my "all clear." But, my heart shatters into pieces for those who didn't have the same outcome -those women who had to face the gut wrenching fear, while looking into their children's eyes, or lay awake beside their husband, relieving every moment.

My heart goes out to the ones who picked themselves up and dug deep, during the final innings of play, when it really counted... The ones who found strength, they never knew they had. To the remarkable women, who are fighting this horrendous disease and somehow, find the power to keep being awesome...

You ladies, are warriors...

You ladies, are in my thoughts now more than ever. And I'm praying for you all to have a full recovery and for all your dreams to come true...

So everyone, hug your babies extra tight tonight. Keep them close and love on them, until you can't love anymore. You'll never regret being with them too much and there will never be a part of you that will have resentment for doing so...

Take that trip with your family.
Hop in a car, without a destination.
Take a long weekend.
Have a campfire on a Tuesday night, just because. And let your children eat dinner on the blanket.
Buy that dress, shoes, purse, or whatever it is you fancy.
Don't worry so much about money and status.
Love your husband.
Love your family.
Hug for no reason... And hug for every reason.
Be kind to your neighbors and fellow man/woman.
Be thoughtful and courteous.
Hold the door for that person walking through.
Allow that driver to change lanes or merge.
Smile.
Wave a driver into traffic.
Help carry something for someone.
Talk to a random person in line at the checkout counter.

Be a kind human and live in the now.

Live it all now...

Because now, is all we have.

He's a boy, who is growing up...

From day one, this little boy was my right hand man... He has always been by my side and never spent a night away from me. As a baby, he was most likely found curled up, sleeping in my Maya Wrap, at any given time. He would lay there, peacefully sleeping while his little eyes were tightly closed and his puckered lips fell loose... I don't even think he was aware that he had the potential to walk, until well after his first birthday -And that was due to his above average large size, which made carrying him to be utilized only under dire need.

So when school began, I pictured a sad little boy who desperately wanted to stay close to his mama's security. I pictured a little boy reaching out for me and begging me to stay with him. I pictured him holding onto our hug, just a little bit longer than needed...

But instead, he was the opposite. He was eager and excited. And in some ways, of course he misses me, but mostly, he's very happy meeting new people and learning his letters. And at each pick-up, he cannot wait to tell me about what he and his friends did that day.

Once upon a time, he was this boy who didn't have weekly scheduled play dates with friends, like his sister once did. Instead, he's a boy who would much rather ride solo in his playroom and imagine with his Batman guys for hours. And oddly, he is a boy who exceeded my expectations and is happily attending preschool and rocking it like a boss...

He isn't thrown by being away from me. Instead, he's excelling.

But, he's a boy who his mama misses deeply. He's a boy who I still miss snuggled up in my wrap, close to my heart. And I'm still trying to find my groove of how to manage my down time, without being mauled by hugs and kisses, from my lovable son. 

It seems, he's having an easier time adjusting, than I am. And that makes me very proud, because he's moving in the direction he's supposed to... And for me, it does make it easier knowing that he's happily content while away from me. Otherwise, I'd be sad and stressed...

But for now, I will patiently wait until pick up time, where he cannot wait to jump in my arms and tell me all about his fun day.

4 year Blogiversary, with an added about me section...

Over the course of this past week, my Facebook news feed was buzzing with different posts about my past Blogiversaries... It appears, I completely forgot about it already being 4 years that I have been a mommy blogger.

But wow! I almost need a moment to say, that all went by quickly...

As of now, my blog is still a hobby. Meaning, I don't do sponsored posts or get money for any of my writings. I get offers all the time, but I like the free range I have to post on my own accord and about whatever I want. Eventually, I'd like to take my blog to the next level, but for now, I'm enjoying where it is at... That being said, even without the outlets that sponsored posts enable, my blog is still reaching a lot of people. Each post gets a few hundred views and I'm incredibly grateful for each person who reads my writings. Because, I want to inspire as many people as I can to enjoy motherhood, even with all its ups and downs. To help others not feel so alone in this huge world. And to let them know, there are others out there who think and feel, just like you do...

I first started this, when my son was 9 months old and my daughter was newly 3 years old. I felt like I was free falling daily and I was in survival mode. I had trouble getting into the routine of everyone needing me at the exact same time and I struggled with the mom guilt of sometimes having to say, "wait a minute," to one of my children.

Here is the link to the past blogiversary post...
2 year Blogiversary...

Four years later, from the first time my fingers typed out a blog post, I am a different person. I was already changing after having my first child, but adding a second child into the mix early on, threw my straight line into a zigzag. And, I had to balance it back out... Blogging was not only a way for me to put my thoughts into words so I could reflect on them, but it also held me accountable for who I wanted to become.

I was raised very differently from how I parent now. And being from a small town, I wasn't exposed to many other styles of parenting. But after scouring for other mommy bloggers to connect with, in order to open up my mommy blogging world to other like-minded individuals, I discovered a blogger who had very similar ideologies and background. She was everything I wanted to become, only, I wasn't aware of it yet.

Her words would always resonate with me and her parenting appeared effortless. She was kind, patient, and always understanding. She admitted to bad days, but never hovered on them. And I strongly believe(d) that was the key to happiness with small children, keep moving forward and never dwell on tough moments...

But there I was, stuck in a rut of only focusing on the negative. And surrounded by negativity from the world around me... My Facebook feed was filled with parents complaining about their children. Sometimes posting photos or memes mocking their kids. And they would boast about drinking their wine after their kids went to sleep, like they deserved an award for parenting. 

I knew I didn't want to be like them... Hell, I always made a point to be different, even if it was just for principle... So I thought, why not at least make my being different, a movement.

So, after finding other fellow mommy bloggers with similar styles and beliefs, I discovered there was a whole world out there I never knew existed...

There were these hippie, attachment, peaceful, gentle, unschooling parents, who really enjoyed being around their children all the time. Ones who also do not believe in punishment, but self respect and body autonomy. And agree that kindness, patience, understanding, and love serve as a wonderful disciplinary technique. And, guidance through modeled behaviors, serve as the number one tool.

They also don't think you're weird for treating your child as a human with rights, rather than some controlled object in desperate need of punishment... Which is an ideology that seems so normal, it's juvenile.

These moms didn't make me feel like an outsider...

And for how much I dislike what technology has done to our lives, at the same time, I'm grateful for it and who it brought into my life and the friends I've made because of it.

And the past four years have made me grow, because of the group I'm exposed to daily, with our shared lives and dreams.

So thank you to all who continue to support me and I hope I've helped your life in some way, the way other bloggers have for me.

And, in addition to this post, here are 10 things about me (in no apparent order), that maybe you didn't know...

1. I'm almost 36 years old.
2. I have a 7 year old daughter and in 2.5 months, a 5 year old son.
3. I have my Master degree in Occupational Therapy and I'm only 3 credits away from my Bachelors in Psychology. I wanted a dual degree because, I wanted to work on a psych ward or in a prison. But, during my graduate year, I was writing so many papers, plus my thesis, that I didn't want to take the last 3 credit research class to finish it off. My brain was fried. 
4. However, I always wanted to be a writer. When I was little, I used to write short stories all the time. And sometimes, I'd write short sketches and my brother and his friends would act them out for me. I even wrote a 100+ page sci-fi story that I hope one day, I'll rewrite into a novel... But, I bailed on that dream because my parents always made me feel like it was a stupid idea.
5. I played college field hockey and broke the records for single season goals and career goals and still own the record for them, 14 years later. I also was the only one from my school's team to be selected and participate in the division all-star team. Which was one of the most intimidating things I did.
6. I always thought I'd go back to work after my children were in school full time, but now I realized, that being a mom is what I was meant to do. And I never loved something more.
7. My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for almost 9 years. It's a cliche, but I knew he was the one, as soon as I met him.
8. I love to eat, all the time. And not just junk food, but actual full meals.
9. I'm loud, talkative, obnoxious, and funny in "real life." Sadly, that side doesn't translate well into my words... I grew up watching stand up comedy from a young age and can recite almost any bit, the way people can recite song lyrics. George Carlin was my first show... And, If I wasn't scared to be in front of people, I'd be a stand up comedian -or at least, try.
10. I'm loyal to a fault and family is everything to me...

Mid Week Humor: It's called balance...

Most days, your children have it all together and are very respectful towards one another... And then, there are these random days where one pushes the other one over because, quite simply, their leg was too close to them... It's called balance.

The Happy Days Blog