Wednesday, February 12, 2020

38 trips around the sun...

I woke up this morning, hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock, more times than not - When it reaches this dreary time of the year (caught between Christmas and Spring), I can't seem to wake up as easily for school, as I did, just a few short months ago. And repetitious, mind numbing routines, always mess with my soul - So, I fumbled with my phone, waiting for my eyes to focus in, to see the time...

I threw myself upright and raced downstairs to pack a lunch, a snack, and make some breakfast, before we left for school drop off. My feet sputtered down the bare wooden steps, and when I hit the bottom, I saw my daughter and son were waiting there, holding cards in their hands - And, on the table behind them, were packaged items... They both stood there proudly, with the largest smiles on their faces, as they shouted, "Happy Birthday!" before hugging me - From them, I received homemade cards and my daughter spent her own money and bought me these pictures items, because she knows my love of socks and well, coffee too...


I'm on my 38th trip around the sun, and I've noticed as people age, they usually start rebelling or frantically try to turn back the clock... It appears to be the general consensus that aging, is the ultimate evil... But, as I age, I see this precious world around me and I'm aware of how grateful I am to be reaching any birthday... 

Because, life can change so quickly, for any of us.

And, this past year has left me so happy for my life and the many more gray hair I obtained in the process... 

*I'm grateful that my brother, who has stage 4 cancer, is still celebrating another birthday with me... 
*I'm grateful for my children, who gave me purpose - I truly found myself after their arrival and I still continue to evolve and grow, to this day... 
*I'm grateful for my husband and his hard work. (And, how quickly he rebounded, after his company laid off his entire department on December 31st). Because, without his hard work, I wouldn't be home to give our children the life I want, I couldn't be the parent I want to be, and I couldn't homeschool... 
*I'm grateful for all the love and support I received, when our 13 year old German Shepherd passed... 
*I'm super grateful we didn't let mercury retrograde drown our spirits, because it tried. It seriously tried to pull us under water and hold us down...

Because you see, after 38 trips around the sun, I know that life is treasured... Sure, days suck, days are long, and life seems to do everything to make you hate it... It's easy to get caught up in all the negative, while not appreciating the positive... But, all you need is the love of family and some really awesome friends, who will meet up with you 7 days a week, just to keep you laughing. And, they'll laugh with you, at all the crap that occurred simultaneously, because at some point, it seemed like a joke.

And, some perfectly timed hugs from my wonderful children, who are the reason I live and breathe everyday...


As time passes and more birthdays come and go, I look forward to the days when my hair is white and I lost a few inches in height. I look forward to all the aches and pains I feel and naturally slowing down... I look forward to it because, it means I've lived a full life. It means I'm still in this world, enjoying everything it has to offer.

It means I was able to watch my children grow, revel in their days, and come out of this chaos, on the other side...

I would have learned so much more about myself - And hopefully, learned how to be more patient with time and learned how to "stop and smell the roses..."

You see, aging is truly the most important gift that is taken for granted, because without aging, there's nothing else left to celebrate...


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Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Our transition from traditional schooling, to homeschooling...

While I sit at this computer, I'm staring meekly at the blank screen... I'm fumbling through lots of ideas and then my mind goes blank for a few minutes, as I randomly stare off in another direction... I seem to keep coming back to this single paragraph, rethinking it over and over, about how to tell our story...

There is just so much to say...

Because you see, the end of 2019 is really hard to put into concise words.

But, here we go...

Before my children were even of school age, I have basked in the idea of homeschooling. I'm a, "fight the system," person by nature and the whole institution of school in 2020, gives me chills down my spine - It's outdated and most importantly, school isn't designed for children. 

I'm among an online community of unschoolers and homeschoolers. I relish in their writings and photos of how their days play out - My children started public school, but I still sit and stare at these images with jealousy, that they were brave enough to go against the grain. 

I made the decision of traditional schooling, because of meeting with our principal in the elementary. He's truly a wonderful human. And, the structure of our Blue Ribbon public school is set up a lot like a Montessori... Meaning, they don't have grades, they rotate among small group sizes, and they have so many activities that focus on other avenues, instead of only "subjects." 

So, I figured, we'd at least try it out...

My daughter has been in traditional schooling since preschool -she's now in fourth grade... She loved the structure of learning and following a school-based curriculum. She loved the elementary school and all the activities they had to offer... But, this year, they built a new building that houses 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade - with a new principal, new staff, and new policies (the original elementary stayed, housing kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd grades)...

If you follow me on Instagram, you know all about the beginning of this school year (I posted daily videos about what was going on - the links are at the bottom of this article).

Unknowingly to us at the time, this was the beginning of the end of our traditional schooling experience...

My daughter eagerly awaited the completion of our new Intermediate Building on our district's campus... We were all anticipating how it would unfold. And, she was excited to be one of the first classes to begin at this brand new building...

But, it was around August, when our school district started with its absurd letters arriving to our home. They built this new, tens of million dollar building, in an already wealthy district... But yet, they couldn't seem to figure out how to start and dismiss both the old and new buildings, at the same time.

We live in a rural area. Our campus sits on acres surrounded by farms and woods. But yet, the whole construction seemed to limit access from the new parking lots to the buildings themselves... And, they couldn't fit all the parents and buses, at the same time. 

So, the letters started, even before school begun. They read aggressively, stating that parent drop off would be taking place 30 minutes before the start of school and parent pick up would commence 30 minutes after school completion - leaving the non bus kids in school an hour longer than the bus kids... And, if you arrived one minute later, you had to wait until after 9:05 am, and your child would be marked late.

At this point, my daughter was starting to get nervous because, she didn't like the idea of sitting in a gym for an extra hour a day, when she could be home with us... And I concurred... So I, as the fix it personality, mustered up a few ideas and plans to get around this proposed notion. One of which, involved me reading the entire department of education code, to find out my rights first.

I then scheduled a meeting with the principal of the new building, the one whom we have never met, to go over my proposed idea... To which he reluctantly agreed upon, only after I showed him the state laws.

Which was ridiculous, because all I wanted to do was inconvenience myself to get my child out of school, when the contractual time stated. Basically, I wanted to take my child off their hands and they acted like I was trying to take their own flesh and blood child from them. 

This was all before school even begun...

We then had a group walk through for the new building. We met some new teachers and staff, who were oddly unfriendly - something we haven't ever experienced on this campus. The principal had all the parents and children gather in the cafeteria, to which he spoke to us, like we were all children - even having everyone repeat after him, the official parent drop off time and pick up time, with a condescending tone... I am almost 38 years old and that meet and greet left me wanting to run for the hills... I couldn't imagine how my daughter felt, being only 9 years old... They rushed us from room to room, showed us the building and all it had to offer. But, all I saw was stark white walls, like the many psychiatric wards I pulled hours in during my clinicals, back in college... No part of this school resembled an elementary. It didn't look like 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders were going to be attending here. It didn't look like anything, other than a hospital.

And, I kept hearing the statement, "they don't want it to look like an elementary school," being thrown around... Like, that was the worst thing in the world that could happen... Imagine the horror of having color strewn throughout!

And, a friend of ours pulled her three kids out of the district immediately, after that meet and greet...

School begun, and even after all the red flags leading up to the first day, I still blindly followed the society norm... My daughter waved goodbye, as she left me for 6.5 hours, into the unknown.

As weeks passed, my normal spunky-in-your-face daughter, started to pull inside of herself. I noticed things were off... She would come home and tell me these bizarre rules and policies that were taking place and they made my stomach turn... She told me how her 30 minute lunch was taken up by two, 5 minute quiet times, where they were not allowed to talk or make any sounds - and their heads had to be down on the table for the last 5 minutes of the quiet time. They implemented peers to walk around and "rat out" their classmates to the teachers... Then, when you were caught making noise during this time, you were then handed a shaming card which stated: Because I chose to talk, now I have to walk... Which then, the child had to walk the perimeter of the playground at recess - in front of their peers.

I emailed the teacher, asking to see a copy of this card and asked why in the world would this be a policy at a nationally ranked school in the suburbs - Her response was, "if she isn't making noise, then there won't be a problem." And, she was going to send me a copy of the card, until the principal caught wind of my asking and then, I was told it wasn't allowed to be given out.

I also heard some chatter from other teachers who were saying, they wouldn't actually make the child do it every single time... 

So my thought was, why are they even saying it in the first place? Why constantly bombard children with blind threats from they minute they walk in, until they walk out?

Oh, I know! 

To instill fear, for obedience and compliance...

From the minute these children walk into that building, they are bombarded with threats. Recess is taken away for forgotten homework or, they have to walk the playground perimeter. They're not allowed to talk for the full 30 minutes of lunch, or sit where ever they want at the tables. Or, they're not allowed to whisper to their friends at the desk next to them, if they have finished their assignments early...

The ironic part of all of this is, society is so accepting of traditional schooling for the main purpose of socialization... But, from the sounds of this structure, there isn't much socialization actually taking place...

I was nearly in shock from hearing all of this. I even met with the principal for an explanation, as to why these policies are being implemented... We had a back and forth conversation, before he concluded with, "I run a tight ship." He even went on to say that they shouldn't be treated like kids, because once they come into an Intermediate building, they're not kids anymore... During our discussion, he supported each and every policy that I described. He was dismissive, contentious, and said two, very inappropriate things to my daughter (right in front of me)... He was cold and nothing of what a principal of young children should be. It was in that moment, I knew I could no longer be a part of a school that supports this type of behavior.

So, she was pulled from traditional school on a Tuesday morning, seven weeks in, right after my conversation with the principal.

The idea of traditional schooling is a bizarre concept, when you really think about it. You're handing over your child to a building, where staff is burned out, overworked, and most are underpaid. These teachers are forced to teach 25-30 children in a class, for 7 hours a day. They design their materials with very little wiggle room for creativity, because the State is involved with their every move.

And somehow, we have accepted that this is more beneficial to your own child, than an individual designed curriculum with one on one teachings...

We have these children, who are individuals with big ideas and bright dreams - A square peg. But, after taking that square peg of individuality and beating it into a circle hole, in order to fit the regime of school and confines of the education system, the peg eventually fits... 

But, you know what? 

That peg is forever changed. 

It's now uniform. 

It now looks just like all the other pegs...

And, I thought the idea of parenting was that we wanted our children to be individuals, we want them to think outside the box, and be creative. We want them to be strong enough to fight for the injustices in the world. We want them to use their words respectfully and stand up for what they think is right... But you know what? School doesn't teach that. If anything, school teaches children to sit down, be quiet, and do as your told from someone who has 100% complete control over your life for 7 hours a day. 

Years ago, schools didn't parent kids. School only taught academics and left everything else up to the individual families... There weren't any behavior charts, rewards, or stickers. And, teachers weren't creating their classroom goals and expectations off their own morals and values and trying to push it onto the children... Everything that basically occurs now...

The decision to pull my daughter was one of the most nerve racking decisions I have ever made - You're going against everything society has taught you. You're standing alone... Especially in my hometown, which isn't a progressive mindset - And the majority of parents and children don't seem to think the dynamics of that building are wrong, because they parent similar - But in the end, I didn't need my child in an environment which will never be replicated outside of school and doesn't represent our household. 

No where in her adult life, will she have to walk a perimeter if she forgets something. She won't have to put her head down during lunch for quiet time. And, she won't have to be told when to sit, stand, move, etc... 

Unless, she's in prison...

...It's been four months since she's been homeschooled and it was truly the best decision ever. We love the flexibility and freedom it allows. We get her school work done, but then, she has so much time to do other things that are important to her - She has more time to practice her vocal songs and practice her acting lines. She is able to read for pleasure, instead of reading for A.R points. Additionally, she is able to learn more valuable life skills because, she is with me, while I'm running a household.

It's been a long road and I'm sorry she had to experience what she did, in order to get here. At only 9 years old, I'm sorry she had to learn that sometimes people in power, take advantage of those without power... But either way, I'm glad we're here... I'm glad we're doing things on our schedule and not someone else's. And, I'm glad she doesn't have to worry about walking a playground perimeter, if she does something wrong... Mostly, I'm glad she gets to learn and grow in a secure environment that focuses on who she is, rather than making her be someone she is not... And, where she is shown love and understanding - not fear and judgement.



**I have documented the journey via videos over on my Instagram page. In my saved stories tab, you'll see 3 numbered "School Rants." If you want to listen to them, head over there and check them out -- Instagram (@the_happy_days)




**Disclaimer: I cannot attest to how the building is currently being run... This all occurred the first 7 weeks of this school year. And, changes could have been made since then... I just wanted to disclose our experience and what finally made us decide to leave traditional schooling**