Mid Week Revelation: 4 year old's sense of humor

Nothing is funnier than hearing your husband laugh at a TV commercial, watching your daughter go in and ask what was so funny. Then have him try to explain that commercial, which ends with my daughter cutting him off mid way, saying, "oh, it's about football? Then I don't care" (walking back out of the room).

My poor husband can't get anyone in this house to like football...

The joy of Christmas morning

Joy...
Smiles...
Giggles...
Squeals...
And laughter...

Happiness...
Content...
Appreciation...
Amazement...
And excitement...

These are only some of the few words to describe Christmas morning. 

Both of my children couldn't sleep the night before due to the anticipation of Santa's arrival. They had too much excitement energy that no amount of story books could curtail.

Once asleep...

Santa maneuvered his way down the chimney where he dropped off many toys to my little good girl and boy.

                                            (Sorry about the poor image quality)

Once awake, their reactions were priceless and worth every penny spent on those presents. My 4 year old daughter paused to admire her surroundings, whereas, my 2 year old son dove right in and starting tearing open presents.

Both completely enamored every step of the way.

I positioned myself between both of my children as my husband sat on the couch, with a video camera in hand. My mom and dad sat around the pile of presents, to have a better view of the action.

All sharing the joy and bliss that Christmas brings to children.

The magic in their eyes that aids in keeping the spirit alive.

...And I was the lucky one, nestled between my loving family, sharing this precious moment with all of them.



I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas :)

Mid Week Revelation: The words of a 4 year old

My 4 year old daughter sat with her legs criss crossed on my kitchen floor playing her Kindle while I was making dinner. This conversation unfolded...

Me: (After noticing her swiping something down on her Kindle's screen) little girl, what's going on over there? Do you need some help?
My daughter: No mom... Duh, I know how to work my Kindle... What do you think, I just got this today? (Pause) I got it yesterday!
Me: (Laughing) actually, you got it in August.
My daughter: Same thing. Sheesh mom, do you have to get so technical about everything?

Friends can be the best medicine.

Laughter...
-With insane amounts of laughter...
Inappropriate conversations...
-With yet, very appropriate conversations...
..Along with, spuratic, all over conversations...
Google searches...
Devouring junk food like it's the end of the world...
Dancing demonstrations...
Women topics...
Parenting topics...
And drinking coffee and tea -with lots and lots of sugar...

Any kind of topic, any type of conversations -all while sitting around a dining room table, enjoying a "girls night in" with my best friends.

A rarity of no children... Just adult conversations and laughter to no end. Oh, and clad in sweat pants, ugg boots, and a t-shirt.

Life as a mother is stressful enough, to not have awesome friends riding the train with you. Friends are a wonderful addition to anyone's life, but I'm incredibly lucky to have found such close friends who are sharing my life adventure with me. They are not only along for the ride, they are riding shotgun yelling, "wooohoo!" with their head's out the window.

They've become more than friends... They're family.

On the mend.

My last week was spent caring for two sicks kids with fevers and stuffy noses... They required extra hugs, cuddles, and kisses with lots of freshly juiced fruits and homemade chicken soup. Both slept hours upon hours, as this mommy provided all the love I could.

Fast forward a week later, both kids are on the mend, whereas, I am down for the count, couch laden for the duration of my days...

But I'm not lonely, that's for sure... I have two wonderful children draped around me, smothering me with lots of hugs and cuddles. My daughter was the one who told her brother to lay next to me because, "love will heal mommy," and apparently, Bubble Guppies on repeat will too.

For how much love and dedication I provided my two children during their healing, both are returning the favor. 

I feel better each day knowing how special these two beautiful humans are... 

How thoughtful they are.

How much they care about others.

How much love they have in their souls, not only for me, but for the whole family.

Being sick has definitely been a disability this week, especially since I'm the primary caretaker of both my children, and my husband. But, both my son and daughter has made this time fairly easy. I'm not one to lay down, but with a fever and an achy body, there wasn't much else I could do. So, both were more than pleased to join me and keep me company during my stay.

And I couldn't have asked for better care.

Mid Week Revelation: Tasty Cake debacle

When it's 10:00 pm and I'm shoving tasty-cakes down my throat like it's the end of the world, I guess that means I've given up to the idea of ever being fit again after having children... But I must say, it was a good run.

The magical holiday season

My husband and I carried the last seasonal box up the basement stairs. This one was special, as it contained the Christmas tree. My two eager children anxiously looked on as we navigated this 7 ft dismantled tree up the narrow stairway. My daughter asked 500 times on repeat, "can we decorate it immediately?" To which I replied in a worn out voice, "lets get this up the stairs first, then we'll decorate it." Finally, after hauling up 5 different boxes, ripping part of the tree's box and dropping branches down the stairs, we did it. 

Because that's usually my luck...

The Christmas season is a big deal in my household. We go all out. Every doorway is framed with colored lights entangled in green garland, Santa and Snowman knicknacks are scattered throughout, Christmas music is on repeat, and my 7 ft tree towers over my Christmas village. My two year old son grabs everyone who saunters through our door and shows off every detail of the decorations... I could remember my daughter doing that exact gesture when she was his age.

Funny how time flies...

Immediately after Thanksgiving, my daughter jumps into the Christmas spirit. She couldn't wait to get our tree up and decorate the village. My son was also excited, but I don't think he really knew what for. When I finally colorized the tree branches into their correct slots (I started using a fake tree since my daughter was born, out of convenience however, I'm thinking next year we'll go back to a real one), and draped the tree with strands upon strands of multicolored lights. Then, it was time to open the ornament container.

My daughter shrieked when it was time...

When I popped the lid off and said, "put any ornament anywhere you would like," I wasn't sure who was more excited. My son stood over the bin, in complete aw, while my daughter immediately started grabbing various ornaments.

He occasionally shrieked when he saw a car ornament or some other ornament he liked. 

I don't have a themed tree. My tree is eclectic, containing various ornaments of shapes, colors, and characters. I still have ornaments from when I was a baby, child, and teenager. Now, I have ornaments from every year my children have celebrated Christmas.

This isn't just a Christmas tree, it's a tree full of lifetime memories.

My children finished the tree (I, of course, decorated the top half). My daughter took her time and strategically placed each ornament in a spot of her choosing, after much thought. My son screamed with excitement after he was finally able to hang an ornament on a branch. Sister gave him a big hug and said, "I knew you could do it brother!"

Sometimes, I cannot believe I have created such amazing human beings... They have the ability to make my heart smile.

After the tree was complete, my daughter and I decorated the village while my son napped. I use a 6 ft piece of plywood that I painted white. I have about 20 houses, with about 5 or 6 decorative pieces, various amounts of trees, signs, and countless people. My Christmas tree was actually my grandmother's, the village was my mom's, and the people are compiled from both my mom and grandma -One day, this set will all be my kids.

My daughter was very meticulous with the arrangement of the village. She wanted each piece to correlate and make sense within the community. I arranged the trees to hid wires and add depth, but she did everything else. I couldn't believe the amount of attention to detail she displayed while completing this project. She reminded me of my grandma, my mom, and myself. All of us made sure Christmas was done huge, down to the last detail.

My son awoke from his nap, sat in front of the tree with amazement as he asked questions about each piece. Big sister was right there to tell him what each building was and to answer anything he communicated.

I sat on the couch behind them, watching big sister with her arm stretched around little brother's shoulders. She eagerly awaited the next question he would ask and couldn't wait to provide an answer. My son occasionally pointed up to the tree, stating how proud he was of the ornaments he put on the tree and loved the set up. 

They both sat there in silence for at least 5 minutes...

Last year, my son was only 11.5 months old for Christmas, so he really didn't participate too much with it. He enjoyed gazing at the lights and occasionally causing ruckous with the decorations. My daughter has always loved the holiday and helped out with decorations, but this was the first year where she was able to do a task on her own without assistance.

She was able to add her own creative input on designs.

Each year, holidays become more and more magical. I love that both of my children are very involved. With each year, they're able to enjoy more in depth aspects of Christmas. Also, they are able to understand our traditions, instead of just participating in them. 

This is only the start of the season, but with each passing day, the excitement and anticipation builds, and I'm the lucky one who gets to bask in the wondrous magic of Christmas with them.

Mid Week Revelation: Cloth diaper fun

It's a silly day when your children play diaper thief with your bamboo inserts, while running through the house, hiding and giggling... A game that only a cloth diapering parent could understand.

A milestone for my big boy!

This week was a week of growth, maturity, and ninja warrior obstacles for my son...

My son is an excellent sleeper. Always slept through the night, a straight 12 hours and a 2 hours consistent nap during the day. He's a month and a half shy of 2 years old and up to date, loved his crib. He would wake up in the morning and play with his cars and trucks from inside, without disturbing anyone in the house. However, over the past few times, when retrieving him from his room, I've noticed him attempting to stick his leg on the rail, not climbing, but toe touching the side.

He's not your typical boy, he's not that active. I always assumed he would stay in his crib until he was 25 years old and never attempt to escape the entire time.

However, the next nap was different...

...I walked into his room to find him straddling the crib rail, like he was riding a horse. His face encapsulated the biggest smile, like he accomplished something great.

I immediately helped him down and quickly removed the side rail, converting the crib into a toddler bed.

I was nervous with fear that this would disrupt his system and he would no longer be the glorious sleeper that only seems like a myth to the outside world. However, in fact, the first night he slept 13.5 hours straight. He awoke happy, but wouldn't leave the comforts of his bed. I watched through the video monitor, as he sat on the edge, dangling his little legs off -yelling, "momma... Momma come!"

A huge milestone for my big boy... But still my little boy all the same.

Mid Week Revelation: Embarrassing grocery store moments

Embarrassing grocery store moment #9,465,321... Leaning over the ledge of the cooler, while reaching into the massive pile of frozen Turkeys, and catching your 4 year old, out of the corner of your eye, sitting among them.

Childhood is an endless opportunity to imagine

When you're a child, you have the ability to be whatever you want to be. You could be a princess, an evil villian, a doctor, a teacher, or read stories to unlock a completely different world.  Having an imagination is one of childhood's greatest gifts...

When I read a book to my children, it allows them to play along with the adventure -to be the character in the story and open their minds to far away places. One of my daughter's favorite past times is to sit and "read" a book on her floor. She'll tell the story based on the pictures (she could do that for hours) and her brother will listen as long as she's speaking. My son squeals to certain parts and helps flip the pages, I'm guessing it's because he's also eager to hear what happens next.

My daughter puts on her Cinderella dress (pretending it's Elsa's dress) adds her cape and gloves, then acts out scenes to Frozen. My son also dons an outfit and follows her every move, just to be part of the story. They play Elsa and Anna running through the snowy mountains, or running through the Ice Palace trying to save the village. He'll also wear his Superman outfit and fly around the house, rescuing toys in need. These aren't just dresses on a rack or costumes in a box, these are a gateway to another world, a world that creativity is the only ticket to participate. 

My daughter plays she's the teacher and her brother is the student, or she'll line up all her dolls in the open chairs and teach preschool. They all have names and they all work diligently on assignments. She's not only learning, she's thinking too. 

Hours of play at their fingertips... 
Hours of bonding.
Hours of creativity.
Hours of thinking.
Hours of developing.
Hours of imagining...

Endless time to imagine... Because, that's what childhood is all about, play through the learning and using your imagination to figure out different social situations.

A child will never be bored if they use their imagination. 

An act of love

Everyone in the household has been sick, there never seems to be enough time in the day, and my exhaustion has been on overdrive. My daughter and son have been getting on each other's nerves, while I have been playing mediator and referee.

The background noise was filled with whining and arguing.

Children yelling, "MOM!" one too many times. 

My son attempted to play with his sister, only to be dismissed with a, "get out of my room." 

My daughter attempted to play with her brother, only to be dismissed with a grunt, a point towards the doorway, and a, "mommy!"

Neither could do anything right...

Right before my head was about to explode from this week, something miraculous happened...

...A ceasefire.
...A bond.

I heard quiet much too long as I was making dinner. Once the sound registered, I put down the potato I was peeling. I walked in and out of the usual rooms, only to find my son and daughter snuggled on her bed, under the covers. I stepped back, behind the door, watching with one eye from around the frame. My daughter had one arm outstretched around my son, the other hand was holding a book she was reading. He had his doggy and blanket brushing against his face, as his forehead was pressed tightly into her arm...

A moment of love.
A moment of devotion.
An act of kindness.
Their time.
Her generosity.
His trust.

So, time pass, bring your worst. It's moments like these that carry me and give me strength to sail through the chaos. With fists clenched, I will happily drive through the storm, knowing the sunshine is on the other end. 

Days will be hard and families will fight, but the bond of love cannot be broken. It is that bond that holds us together.

We'll walk through the storm together.

Mid Week Revelation: Candy holiday

Apparently, the day after Halloween is National Eat Candy for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner Holiday... I was unaware of this, I was the mother who attempted to feed my children nutritious meals... It would appear, I didn't get this memo.

Trick or treating festivities

For my daughter, Halloween seemed to take forever for its arrival. On the 31st, I must have heard, "is it time to go yet?" about 500 times. With my repeated response being, "not until it's dark outside." Halloween is actually her second favorite holiday, next to Christmas of course, but more important than her birthday.

This Halloween went off without a hitch. My son dressed in Superman costume, despite his initial love for Rapunzel and my daughter was the Ninja Warrior that she desperately wants to become.

The night was a 2 hour walk-fest, complete with lovely warmer temperatures. The developments were lit up with friendly neighbors, eager to see all the trick or treaters dressed head to toe in their favorite characters. Both of my kids ran door to door, thrashing through the scattered fall leaves, as they received candy. My daughter sang some songs (mostly, Let it Go) and said, "thank you so much" to everyone as she left their porch. While, my son grabbed handfuls of candy from the bowls, the families laughed, but I had to gently remove his hand as my almost 2 year old was carried out -screaming. It was his first year trick or treating and he didn't quite understand the etiquette of taking the candy. By the time we were 5 houses in, he understood and kindly took 4 pieces each time (two for each hand), also saying thank you as he followed his sister off the porch.

The night progressed just as it was supposed to, with my husband, my parents, and myself walking door to door with both kids in a hyper-chocolate-induced state.

With the clock seconds from striking 8:00, and one more house in view, my daughter turned to us and said, "can we go home now?" My son heard the question and reached for his daddy to put him in the car -He was done too. My daughter ended up finishing that final house, my son didn't, his arms were tightly grasped around his daddy's neck. 

We said our goodbyes to my parents, then loaded both kids into their carseats.

My daughter thanked us a thousand times in 20 seconds for taking her trick or treating. "This was the best Halloween yet!" She yelled out. 

We drove about 2 miles...

...My daughter was already asleep.

My son was snuggled with his doggy, blanket, and plastic orange candy filled pumpkin (he was beyond excited to have that filled with candy and he wasn't letting go of it) -he never sleeps in the car. Not even for a second. But he was completely quiet, as he gazed out the window at all the shimmering lights.

Upon arrival home, I carried my daughter into her bedroom, she asked to see her candy as I lowered her into her bed, I laughed and said, "go back to sleep baby, you'll see everything in the morning." She didn't bat an eye, just went back to sleep. I then carried my son into his room and put him in his crib, with his doggy, blanket, and a empty plastic orange pumpkin. He rolled over, clenching his little fist around the black handle, and closed his eyes.

I dropped back onto the couch, with my boots and coat still on, exhausted from all the walking that just took place. My husband and I were talking about how great the night was and how lucky we are to have two great kids to embrace Halloween with. 

Holidays are a huge deal for our family. We celebrate every one of them to their fullest extend, because I will never stop loving the excitement on their faces...

...My son's shocked look when he realized all he had to do was knock on a door and someone handed him candy. Or my daughter's ear to ear smile as she said, "trick or treat" to her first house...

...Because Holidays are and always will be about the joys of the children, never about the parents.

Mid Week Revelation: Pumpkin painting

The difference between a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old? The 4 year old paints her pumpkin, with great detail -without getting any paint on herself or the floor. Whereas, the 2 year old paints himself, then the floor -without getting any paint on the pumpkin.

Unstructured, imaginative play

The leaves are changing, the air is crisp, and the sun is shining. These days are perfect for outdoor activities. Simple, fun, with unstructured objectives, while the children are soaking up all the vitamin D their bodies will allow. 

Some people look at their backyard as a landscaped, grass cutting problem. Pretty boring, with always something work related to do.

However, when both of my kids see our backyard, they approach the situation with a different set of eyes. They see the backyard as an oasis, complete with unlimited imaginative abilities...

A perfect montage for swing play... Rock climbing... Or obstacle courses...

A magical tea party for two... A hot spot for discussing adventures... Or restaurant play...

Trees yearning to be climbed... Ninja warrior training... Or a home base for tag...

Unstructured play at its best...

Play time should be filled with unlimited walls and unlimited opportunities. Children should be allotted the time to develop their creativity through imagination and not be restricted to what a toy is only capable of. 

Anything can be anything and anything can seem possible... 

After all, play is a child's school. By mimicking adventures and encounters, they are learning how to physically produce the appropriate responses -with increasing dialogue. 

While having the space to not be bounded by rules of a toy or structured activity, my children have the ability to make use of their time more effectively. They play daily in my backyard, having so much fun with just themselves. But that's only what I see, to them, they're not by themselves...

-My daughter is singing Let It Go with Elsa. Or running through the woods trying to find the Ice Castle.
-My son is Lightening McQueen and racing other racers. Or he's a digger, trying to find precious gold in the dirt.

Life is filled with rules, and one of the greatest gifts of childhood, is the ability to play without rules...

...By not being confined, allows a parent to see just how special and individual their child is. Because everyone is different and has amazing attributes to contribute to this world.

Mid Week Revelation: Comparison

Apparently, telling your children to "go play in another room," elicits the same response as telling a teenager she "cannot go to prom with the quarterback."

Quiet time hasn't happened in quite some time

I plopped down on my couch, feet kicked up on the armrest, as I breathed in the sound of silence. The sound of nothing actually caused ringing in my ears, almost like a fan humming in the background. It felt like centuries since I have heard silence like that.

Lately, with preschool as an addition to our lives, my daughter has become overly attached. So attached, that I could actually step on her foot when I turn in one direction.

I'm thinking it's the separation that still has her emotional lability disrupted. This causes her to want to be next to me all day long, talk to me nonstop, and always wanting to keep me in view. However, I can't blame the poor kid, she's 4 years old and within those 4 years, she's only been left with my parents (outside of myself) -dropping her off at preschool must make her uneasy (even though she isn't crying anymore and is happily going).

So... Quiet time hasn't happened in quite some time.

Adding to that, my son has some sort of internal competition going on. It appears that he is trying to obtain the title of "textbook terrible two" toddler of the year... Is that a thing? If it is, I'd bet he'd win.

In fact, I'd bet he would be the poster child for it.

All you need to say is "no" to him and satin comes out. Seriously, my son morphs into this beast who I am completely unaware of. He throws himself on the floor, cries, kicks and spins -I think his head spun around 360 degrees when told he was leaving ToysRus, although, it happened too quick to be sure.

So... Quiet time hasn't happened in quite some time.

This is completely uncharted waters for me. In 4 years, my daughter NEVER threw a tantrum. She whined, a lot, and argues like a teenager, but never tantrumed. She uses logic and reasoning as her defense, whereas, my son just flails -obviously, he's not too creative yet. Although, I have a feeling with his sister as his guide, he'll be just as vocal soon enough -stating his case like I'm being cross examined by a defense attorney.

With all that, my days have been chaos. Lately, I have one child glued to me and the other crying over his sock hanging off his foot too far. At this point, neither child is able to be reasoned with. Both are having a hard time within their own internal selves. While, these problems may seem trivial and very frustrating to me, these are authentic problems that are causing extensive disruptions within their inner selves right now. 

As a parent, I am utilizing my attachment parenting strategies and conforming to help put her at ease. I am working with her in every attempt to guide her emotions and increase her feeling of security within our family...

I hug her -often.
I snuggle with her -often.
I talk to her -often.
I tell her I love her -often.
I praise her -often.
I tell her how proud I am of her -often.

Right now, she only needs reassurance, not conflict. 

My son also needs guidance, not punishment. He doesn't need to be put in "time out" when he screams. He needs to be allotted his emotion and talked through them, calmly. He needs to know that it is ok to be frustrated and mommy is here to help him. Not yelled at, shamed, or punished because of his feelings. Specifically, because he still isn't able to effectively vocalize all his thoughts and expressions. 

So... Quiet time hasn't happened in quite some time.

As a parent, these are the strategies that need to be utilized (for us), but as a person, I sometimes struggle with the constant tending. Especially when my son freaks out because I wouldn't allow him to eat his sister's crayon. The person part of me, wants to yell and cry with him, but the parent part (thankfully, the rationale part) is the patient and understanding one.

Who needs quiet time anyways?

That's the person who pulls them in closer, while telling them everything is and always will be fine.

So, consistent quiet time isn't here right now and it might not be here for another year or so. But that's ok, because my little ones need me more than I need quiet time. TV shows and social media will always be there, but my children's internal disputes are only a brief limitation. As I always state and restate, these young, demanding years, are only temporary and are the quickest stage to stumble upon. Adulthood and independence are the longest.

These babies, won't be babies much longer. 

So, when I'm frustrated and needing some time to decompress, I quickly flip through old photos of my children and relish the amazement of how much changed in such a short amount of time. Knowing, that with love and patience, this too, will quickly balance itself... That is, until another complicated problem arises...

Thus the never ending cycle of parenting.

Mid Week Revelation: Unaware of magical powers?

I often wonder what I should do with my magical power of invisibility? At first, I was completely unaware I had such a power, but then after I had a husband and children, it turns out, no one can hear or see me when I speak. So maybe I should fight crime or something?

Full circle: A girl and her poppy

Running from ride to ride, I could hear a raspy, hoarse voice chattering away behind me. If I closed my eyes, I swore I was hearing an old video of myself. 

It was enough to halt my movements and take me back. Back to a time when I was her age, enjoying all the simplicity of life. When deciding which ride I was going on was the biggest decision I would have to make. Back to a time, when I was the center of everyone's universe, just like my children are now.

No fears, because someone would always be there.
No worries, because someone would always fix them.

My daughter and my dad (her poppy) walked hand in hand through the entire amusement park, periodically stopping to admire all the wonderful Halloween decorations that were positioned throughout. They conversed about the upcoming ride, or just about how much fun they were having. He would occasionally scoop her up when she tired, letting her long legs dangle past his knees. The love between them is breathtaking.  

I stood behind the cold metal fencing, both a video camera and digital camera in each hand, smiling at the vision of my dad and daughter snuggled tightly on the Scrambler ride. Both laughing, that could be heard over the mechanics of the ride, and giggling over the joy they were experiencing together. She would pretend she was brave enough to sit on the other side of the chair, then let go, knowing he was there to hold her even tighter.

I smiled, while reliving the past experiences I encountered while on that same ride, many years ago, with my dad.

She exited the Scrambler stating, "that was the best ride ever!" Thankfully, my dad was able to ride it another 455 times because I was already nauseous from video taping them.

Go back almost 30 years, and you could easily swap my daughter and myself. We are a spitting image of each other, with our talkative nature and constant motion. However, I could still see myself walking that same amusement park, holding my dad's hand, talking up a storm with that same raspy voice. While screaming and leaning tightly into my dad's arm for comfort on rides.

I didn't need a video camera, as I felt like I have seen this movie before.

Standing against that cold metal fence, I saw a full circle come back around. It truly is amazing how quickly time passes. One minute, you're snuggled up next to your dad, the next, you're watching your daughter snuggle up next to your dad. 

She has picked up where time left off. She is the extra extension of me that fits perfectly into the finishing puzzle.

She is poppy's little girl, as I was daddy's little girl.

There is no ending to this... Just the beginning of a new memory... With it's own story to share.

Mid Week Revelation: Parenting, the free falling way

Sometimes parenting can feel like you're free-falling down a bottomless cliff, without the ability of a safety net to catch you. You might not have all the answers, feel completely helpless, and you might try every possible scenario to make something work, then the end result doesn't suffice. But this too, will pass. As long as you put your children and their best interest first, everything will eventually fall into place. In the meantime, the feeling of nausea will be the front liner.

New moms vs veteran moms

I was out and about, among a group of women of various ages. We were scattered among a big, Victorian house, having tea and scrumptious desserts. At some point, a group divided and was having a coffee klatch among themselves on the sun porch. I was standing against a pillar, tea in hand, overhearing the topic. The younger ones were discussing how much they couldn't wait until they are able to rear a child, while the older ones carefully listened on. I made my way over, because I couldn't miss this conversation for anything. I couldn't wait to hear these naive, young women educate the veteran mothers on how their life will be once a child enters it.

I had to laugh...

...Because I was one of those women -once upon a time.

I was that woman who had a play by play of how everything was going to go down. I had the exact time I was going to conceive (yep, I was a total calender girl) and had a perfect 9 month adventure planned out in my mind. Those months were going to be the best time of my life, complete with rainbows and butterflies. 

Then, once the child was born, this baby would be superb. This baby would sleep gracefully and I would be able to go about my day and finish projects that needed endings. Because I would have control over everything. I swear, there was a disney song playing in my head -the ones where the princesses are twirling around, talking to the animals. 

I remember hearing mothers talk about problems they encountered and I would think I had all the answers -how hard could it be?

One mother would complain how she couldn't get her already 12 month old to sleep through the night. I would think to myself, I can't believe she doesn't take control and MAKE that child sleep.

Because in my head, everything seemed so simple. Everything was controllable. This is a infant child we're talking about, right?

The child should sleep an X amount of hours.
Eat an X amount of hours.
Have play time an X amount of hours.

You get the picture. 

I remember being in a restaurant and hearing a child complain tables over from us. Or, a child climbing under the table and I was thinking, why can't these parents control their child?

Well, I'll tell you why...

Because people are not controllable. 

You can't control a child anymore than you can control a 250 lb adult male. Nor should you. These children have a completely different mindset than you ever will. Some things are more important to them, then to you, or, things are less important to them, as to you.


So with that, I now laugh at the humor of hearing a childless woman talk about all the things that will happen when they have their own child. I take it with stride because you'll never be able to talk them out of anything they're thinking. 

Let's face it, having a child is one of those things you have to find out on the job.

I learned this the hard way...

I had no idea what to expect before I looked into my daughter's eyes. That perfect idea I mention above, never happened.

When I finally became pregnant with my first, after MONTHS of trying -doing ovulation math, keeping a calender, and peeing on a stick every month -I was unbelievably sick. So sick in fact, that I swore I would die at any moment. I lost about 25 lbs, couldn't eat, drink, or be merry. I slept about 18 out of 24 hours and threw up around the clock. Labor was the only easy part of the whole journey (which was 100% natural). Once born, my daughter screamed the first year of her life. Never slept, hated sleep (didn't sleep through the night until roughly 2.5 years old). Couldn't latch, had trouble eating, couldn't tolerate solids, once introduced, she screamed when I was out of sight (so I used to dance around and sing like a broadway star when I was out of sight, so she knew I was still around), and had to be touching me the majority of the time.

I think back to when I was about 30 weeks pregnant, when I was starting to feel more human, and I would tell people how my life would go...

That I'll finish painting my upstairs bedroom while the baby slept 
-My daughter is 4 years old and it was never painted.

That my child would NEVER sleep in my bed 
-she started sleeping in my bed around 20 months old.

I will never rock my child, she will be put down in her crib, awake, and she'll go to sleep on her own 
-she was rocked until 2.5 years, hell, sometimes I still rock her at 4 years old.

She would have a schedule and follow it 
-she's 4 and still doesn't have a schedule. 

I would never bribe my child 
-She whines and complains while I'm on an important phone call and I give her a whole bag of cookies so she'll stop. She asks, "how many?" I respond, "take the whole bag."

They will be forced to handle things and cry if they need to (suck it up method) 
-Yeah, never happened, not even once.

I will never run over to my child if they fall, they'll dust themselves off and get back up 
-I run over as they're falling and hug them until they stop sobbing.

My children will never eat fast food -NEVER
-She eats Wendy's frequently.

My children will never eat a hot dog
-Hot dogs actually have become a staple,

My children will sit perfectly at a restaurant and never misbehave
-I'm the one with my children crawling under the table and sitting indian style on the floor, eating their food.

I will never hold my children for a duration
-I have bought wraps and slings to carry both of them for hours, daily.

My children will get dressed easily and walk out the door with ease
-Sometimes, they run out shoeless because it's just not worth the argument.

I will never be that parent who makes their kids their whole life. I will divide my time equally
-My children are my extension and neither have been away longer than 24 hours (rarity), except once when my son was born. They are, in fact, my whole life.

As you can see, I was too, that person. The know it all. I'm sure most of you had some idea of how life would be. And I'm sure it never turned out that way. One of my close friend's son was born 6 weeks ahead of my daughter and he was an excellent baby. I remember looking at him and thinking, "wow, this is easy." He was easily content and always happy. Obviously, he was a bad child to be around before my daughter -hindsight 20/20.

I was lucky with round two, my son was that easily content, happy baby. He slept on command, followed all the general rules, and entertained himself. However, I often wonder if he was a better baby because I had lower expectations this time around.

As time lapses, life regains itself. Raising children becomes easier. The problems become more complicated, but the neediness fades away, allowing your brain to focus more. Therefore, seemingly, easier. Problems become trivial when you sleep more and you don't have a child asking you 10,000 questions a minute. 

Having a child is one of the weirdest things in life. It's the hardest, most complicated adventure, but it can only be explored once you are a parent. Someone could tell you every gory details, but you'll always think, "that won't be me," because no one really knows until you're living it.

On this parenting journey, I have been brought down to reality and now living among the veteran moms, giggling at the irony of the new generation awaiting their turn.

Mid Week Revelation: Going against the grain

I've realized, when raising your children you have to go with your gut instinct and do what is best for them... No matter who you piss off in the process. You may be going against the grain and decide that following a more tradition path doesn't work, but that's ok, because this is your child and only you know what is the best solution for them. You are their only voice.

I will never be "that" parent

I stood in the doorway as I kissed my daughter goodbye. Parents and children were filing in and out around us. She quickly glanced up at me before scanning the classroom, she looked uneasy. Her little hand was interlocked into mine. I shifted my weight as I released my hand, allowing her the freedom to walk in with her peers.  

I realized today was going to be a bit different than the other days. She was very hesitant and clingy. She wasn't as excited to go to preschool, as all the other days. She appeared sad and withdrawn.

I said to her, "it's time to go play and learn with your friends," while her teacher sauntered her way over towards us. In one quick motion, my daughter dove between my legs and began crying. 

Reason and logic flew out the window as she pleaded and begged me to take her home. 

As any staff member, that isn't the child's parent, would do, they requested that I leave and allow them to take her screaming and crying, because they swore she would eventually stop. With my education background in behavior, my brain immediately began to scan ideas of how to solve this problem following my attachment parenting style. I understood by not making her stay in that classroom, I had the potential to lose any authority ground that I stood on. 

But considering how distressed she looked, I was willing to take that chance.

Mother lion instincts prevailed when the teacher attempted to step between me and my crying daughter (while I was in the hallway trying to calm her down). I promptly raised myself from one knee and swept my daughter into my arms and replied to the teacher, "I'm taking her outside, I'll let you know what I decide."

My emotions ping ponged back and forth as I made every attempt to make the best informed decision as a parent. I had staff telling me to just let my daughter go and she'll eventually stop crying, but my heart ached at that idea. She is 4 years old and I have never let her just "cry it out." That isn't the way I parent. My style is to do everything in my power to comfort and console her so she feels as secure as she possibly can. She doesn't need to "get over it." I always feel like the children that eventually stop crying, are like the infants who stop crying at night -they finally give up realizing no one is coming for them. That thought makes my skin crawl.  Especially when she really doesn't need to be there. She's a young four and I always have the option to red shirt her if she emotionally isn't up to par.

After a half hour of not being able to reason with her. I decided to take her home and try again the next day. She continued to sob in the car as we drove. I tried to distract her by talking about the beautiful fall leaves, but she wasn't ready. When we arrived at home, it took me about an hour to calm her down. I sat on the edge of her bed and opened a dialogue. To a 4 year old, she was pretty traumatized about something and it was my role as a parent to listen to her feelings and not punish her for her feelings.

A child's feelings are never trivial. They are just as important as any adult's feelings.

I eventually discovered the teacher made her nervous and she was scared to be there by herself. Which from a child who rarely goes anywhere without me, is understandable. So, my thought process was to figure out how to make preschool work, without making her "cry it out." 

I brainstormed some ideas with the main person in charge, who was extremely helpful and flexible. She allotted me an incredible amount of freedom to parent my child, my way. We devised a plan that I was to sit out in the hallway during the school hours. If she needed me, I was there for her to hug and reset her emotions. She could do that whenever she felt the need and I could be visible from the desk they seated her in. The purpose of my presence is to help her become comfortable in the classroom again, before I leave her there. 

Which so far, has worked. 

Over the next two days she prevailed, and she felt the positive accomplishment. She smiled an ear to ear grin as she said how happy she was she made it the whole time. 

She yelled, "I did it mommy!" in one of the happiness tones I have ever heard, when the day ended.

I was very proud.

I'm not 100% sure if this gradual separation will work or not. But I'm certain this is the only way I would go about it. Additionally, not only is this solution to a common problem currently working, it's providing my daughter fulfillment that she wouldn't have obtained any other way.

In the end, I hope it works and she goes the required days without mommy. I also hope the gradual separation works because, I would like others to know there is an option for their child. That they don't have to dump the child off and leave. Because realistically, there is other parenting styles. What works for one child, doesn't necessarily work for the other -same as one child isn't like all the others. I will always be more inclined to follow a more nuturing style. As I always say, I will never be a sink or swim parent. I will always find other ways to make things work, because even in adult life, there are other options.

If it doesn't work out, then I will pull her from preschool and re-enroll her in kindergarten next year -at least I know I put in a full effort. A positive part of this age is, a year later can make a world of a difference. If she's not ready, then she's not ready. She doesn't need to be there. I am lucky to be a stay at home mom so I don't have to force her to do something that makes her so uncomfortable. Because let's face it, as adults, we would never put ourselves in any situation that made us so uncomfortable that we break down. If a scenario would ever arise, we would change whatever needed to be, to make it work. So why don't parent's attempt to do the same? Why don't more parents put themselves in their child's shoes? Why aren't they more understanding and sympathetic? Why are children the ones who have to cry it out until they numb themselves to blindly follow anyone's lead?

I don't know about you, but I'll do whatever I can to not be that person. I want to be the parent who relates to their child. Who puts themselves in their shoes and not only sympathizes, but empathizes too. I want my children to be so secure in life, that they have the confidence to take on the world, speak their minds, and love without limits.

Because, how understanding parents are to their children will determine how understanding children are as adults. 

Parents. You are their role model.... Monkey See, Monkey Do.