Sunday, March 22, 2020

My vulnerability during a pandemic...

I keep distracting myself with activities and just being with my children. I feel this urge to keep busy, but I also have this urge to sit and stare out a window... My children and I go for walks in the sunshine and have pretend adventures in our woods... On my face, I'm smiling and laughing. But on the inside, I'm screaming.

In my home, we're just going with the flow. I'm allowing my children to regulate themselves by doing whatever brings them joy. Because, in times like these, that's what we all need.


I'm distracted for the most part, by doing what I love - being with my children... But, as soon as I'm left alone, my mind starts racing - Because the truth is, I'm scared.

I'm scared that my husband is an essential employee and is out everyday. I'm scared that keeping my family safe, isn't in my full control. And, I'm scared that we're not being told everything, in fear that society can't handle it.


...We have been self isolated since March 13, with only my husband going to work...

And, being isolated with my children isn't the problem. I could do this for years... I also stay in touch with friends and family on the phone and video chat. My daughter keeps up with her friends on her phone. And, my son plays his games with the world...

Socially, we're not feeling any weaknesses.

And, except for the minor questions my children ask, they're thinking this is all pretty fun...

It's fun, because as a parent, I've mastered the ability to let them be children and exclude them from the fears that are on my mind...

I can't let them see me sweat.

I keep my children informed, with age appropriate facts. But let's face it, for me, I like to speculate and I have trouble sticking to only facts - my brain loves to run wild with the, "what ifs."

So, when I have down time, I feel my skin crawl with uncertainty. My anxiety revels in the fear it creates and not knowing what lies ahead, fuels the fire within.

I find my eyes well up with tears, each time I read the alerts my phone, telling me who else contracted the virus. I feel it closing in on us and I just want to shut off the world.

Ironically, I'm usually the one who thinks everyone overreacts... And the truth is, before kids, I worked as a behavior therapist during the swine flu pandemic and just wore a mask and gloves (because, I cannot stop touching my face), and went about life as usual. I worked in schools and homes and never batted an eye... But, once you become a parent, you don't feel as invincible, as you once did... That urge to be one of those spring breakers down in Florida saying, "who cares if I catch corona!" doesn't seem as appetizing anymore.

Because, as a parent, you do care.

You don't want to be that one statistic where your child has a reaction that no one else did. You don't want to be that sole death, that hasn't affected anyone else throughout the globe... Why would you want to chance any of it, if you didn't have to?

So, in a time when everything feels so unfamiliar and life is thrown upside down, I'm grateful for my children and their ability to see only the positive. I'm grateful for my husband staying on video calls, well into the middle of the night/morning, to entertain my crazy thoughts. I'm grateful for my friends, who text in our group chat daily, just to stay in touch. And, I'm grateful for family, for staying in touch.

I'm grateful for the time to slow down and pull inward in our lives.

I'm also super grateful for Dish Network, for releasing the Hallmark channel to every package, because that station has pulled me away from the news...

Moreover, I'm grateful to watch humanity come to life. I'm happy to experience the world coming together in a way that hasn't been felt in decades, centuries, or at all. I love how everyone knows we're in this together and it's creates a different environment - a supportive, loving, atmosphere.

I love watching the singing throughout Italy, Facebook porch songs, live zoo feeds, live library story times, putting hearts in your windows so kids can find them on a scavenger hunt (we have one in our window, too), and countless other things...

So, in a time when life feels so out of control, I'm grateful I'm not alone... And, I'm eager to see what this world will look, on the other side...

Furthermore, I hope to god at the end of all this we get to say, "boy we overreacted." <3

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You can follow daily photos and stories from me over on my Instagram page - Click Here

Thursday, March 19, 2020

A day in a life, during a pandemic isolation...

As the world is literally in complete uncertainty - and we all aren't entirely sure how our days ahead will unfold - for us, it's been truly wonderful to just pull inward and slow down.

It turns out, I'm perfectly happy and content just being home with my children - it brings me back to when they were little and the days belonged to us, not society time constraints...

The first few days, I obsessed over the news. Every time I put my phone down, I immediately picked it right back up to analyze all the new information being pushed. My little small tube TV that sits on my kitchen counter, had the news playing constant. Heck, those first few days, everything was changing so rapidly, I really felt like I was missing something, if I wasn't glued to it.

But, after our schools closed, I felt a sigh of relief. I really felt like I could finally relax, as I think most of my anxiety was stemming from my child being away from me, during these uncertain times.

For us, it wasn't hard to get into a groove. My daughter is already homeschooled, so it's business as usual for her. And, I know I rant a lot on my social media Instagram page about our school system, but they deserve an A+ for canceling school for 2 weeks, without sending work materials home - I really feel like everyone needed time to process what is going on with our current new normal, without having to do school work on top of it all.

We're homebodies in general. But, like everyone else, we have lives outside of the home. My daughter and son's evenings are usually filled with extracurricular activities and events. So, even though we enjoy being home, it's a difficult time for them to adjust not having their normal, with their friends.

So, instead of packing our days with colorful charts that schedule everything down to the minute, we are just living. Furthermore, I am taking this time to let them do whatever they want to fill their days, as I am doing the same... However, their days look so much more productive than mine - I am shoving my face with junk food and watching Hotel Impossible.

Currently, my daughter does her school on the computer, whenever she feels like it. She doesn't have a time frame, just as long as she stays up with her lessons. And, I do some reading activities with my son, only because he has struggled with reading and has surpassed the district's goals for this year - and I don't want him to lose that progress.

But, the rest of our day consists of free play. Absolutely any kind of free play... I'm looking at it as our Spring Break... 

-Playing Fortnite. Even my husband has joined in, too.
-Online Roblox playing with their friends, who they cannot be face to face with.
-Video chatting with friends.
-Making silly Tik Toks.
-Texting with friends.
-Sending cute videos and photos to friends.
-Outdoor adventures.
-Hiking in our back woods.
-Trampoline jumping.
-Swingset playing.
-Dance parties.
-Watching movies.
-Doing parkour in our home.
-Using our gymnastic equipment.
-Practicing Karate.
-Board games.
-Playing family charades.
-Creating art.
-Building the best Lego land in the home.
-Vegging out, while watching YouTube.

*There are so many more details, but this is just to name a few... As you can see, there aren't any micromanaged topics - And in reality, our days prior to the pandemic, don't look too much different -as I'm not much of a schedule type person. I believe in children controlling their lives and learning how to balance their items/responsibilities throughout the day.

And today, our district already sent a message that there will be some kind of school materials worked out within the next week. So, at that time, we'll resume some what of a normal routine - well, as normal as we can be, in self-isolation.

But, free play will still be the center point of our days...

Here are some photos of what our days have looked like.











You can see daily photos and stories on my Instagram page - Click Here.

...As a parting message, just know that our children are watching us -They're watching our reactions and our behaviors. So keep smiling and use this new found free time to be engaged with them. Basically, be the fun parent. Let them stay up late, talk to them often, answer their questions, and just laugh... And know, you're doing great, as there isn't a parenting protocol for this type of situation. 

The world is all in this together. And for the first time, we are all truly stopping and smelling the roses.

*And remember, practice being distant socially, instead of socially distant -- stay in touch with friends and family and let your children stay in touch with their friends (whether it's through a phone, video, texting, or video games -they need it, too)... 
And, check on your neighbors.
Be kind.
And, stop hoarding toilet paper... <3