Monday, February 26, 2018

Why are parents still spanking their children?

I have to ask this question to all those who allocate spanking or other obtrusive means... What point will be drawn up after said action? What is the hope? 

Because in reality, the consequence and action are not cohesive. Meaning, one has nothing to do with the other -example, spanking a child for breaking a window doesn't fit. It isn't a teaching method because a child can't make the connection between the two. It just demonstrates frustration on the parent's part and teaches a child, that when you're mad, you hit someone...

I'm not sure if that's the message you really want to send...

And if the thought is to offer a means of generalization for a correct response the next time, it can't happen -because again, they don't correlate and a child can't learn from it. Sure they'll be fearful and probably will be too scared to do anything incorrect. And probably too scared to tell you the truth, if they did something incorrect (so they'll begin to lie). But, is that really the message you want? To have your child so fearful of a incorrect action? Or instead, do you want them to not make incorrect actions because, they're wrong in the first place?

Those are two completely different points...

Severe punishment like that, isn't a real life consequence. It can never be followed over to any other situation. If your husband accidentally, or on purpose, broke the car window, you wouldn't spank him or shame him or verbally berate him. If your wife purposely did something wrong, you wouldn't spank her or ridicule her in front of a bunch of strangers. Or, if a friend went against your wishes and did something you asked them not to do, you wouldn't punish them... 

You wouldn't do any of these things... 

Why? Because it's abuse. 

This belief that children require 100% control ALL THE TIME is disheartening. This belief that children have to be perfect every minute of everyday is completely unacceptable... Especially since all of us adults get angry when we're tired or hungry or stressed. We joke about it all the time on social media and with friends --There's memes dedicated to this topic and even T-shirts that say the words, hangry. So why is all of that acceptable, but a child can't have a bad day without being reprimanded?

You know, it is completely real to raise children without punishment and harsh words and threats being spoken AND, still have them turn out to be incredibly respectful humans with manners. It's pretty simple. Just treat them like they're people with rights and respect who they are as individuals. Give them the freedom to make a mistake in a secure, non-fearful, environment. It's amazing what you'll see when you take the time to hear "their side" and don't assume that a mishap was on purpose, or it was a devious behavior, purely to make the parent's life miserable.   

Children are the only group of individuals where it's socially acceptable to strike. You can't hit another adult without proving it was self defense, you can't strike an animal without it being abuse, and you certainly cannot strike your wife just because she disagreed with you or mouthed-off to you... 

And sadly, children are the most affected by this action because, they trust their parents immensely. They have unconditional love and ingrained trust in them. Children put their whole souls into this life... 

...And with just a quick swat on the butt, or telling them how horrible they are, or how they are "bad kids," slowly tears them down...

It tears them down, like a wild horse that is being broken.

And the big question is, why do you want to break your kids?


Monday, February 12, 2018

Self reflection at 36 years old...

When I was younger, I pictured my mid 30's to be a somber time. I had this idea that everything in my life had to be completed before then, otherwise, they wouldn't happen. So, I thought when I turned 36, I'd be petrified at the idea of being on the down-slope to 40...

But instead, I'm the most content I've ever been.


I never had "those years" that everyone else had. I never had a specific time frame to look back upon and think, wow, those were my best years.

My teens were an awkward mess... I didn't have a lot of friends and I never felt comfortable in my own skin. I spent most of my time trying to get lost in a crowd. And I never belonged in a certain place.

I met my husband when I was only 21 years old. And he saw something in me, that even I didn't see. And through him, I grew. And as I aged, my mind and body assimilated.

Then, after I had my children, my inner light was lit. I don't know if it was the empowerment of childbirth, or crazy hormones, but I begun to see myself in a different light... The same light my husband saw all these years.

And even though I'm no longer a size 2/4, and have more gray hair than ever, and have perpetual dark circles forever ingrained under my eyes, I've never felt more real.

Myself, at almost 40, has finally lived...

I have memories of travel, watching the sun rise up in over 20 different states, I had a paper map on my lap while I ventured across the country, and I went to enough concerts and band venues to fill at least two Ugg boot boxes with ticket stubs. I've taken random drives and gotten lost. Swam in an ocean in January. Drove through a desert at night. I have birthed two children and watched them surface Earth-side. I am in love with motherhood and inspiring other moms to do the same through my blog. I am writing, which I love to do, more than what I went to college for. And, I married the most perfect person for me. I survived the first year of marriage, survived colic, and survived a breast tumor scare.

My soul is a road map of where I've been... 

At 20, I couldn't say any of that.
At 25, I couldn't say most of that.
At 30, I couldn't say half of that.
But at 36, I can say all of it.

For me, aging has been a blessing. It has brought more wisdom upon me that my twenty-year-old self, never saw coming. With that, I see the world much differently now and I value my self worth based on my inner self, not what I have or what I can show off.

And I cannot wait to see what the next decades have in store for me, because I have a feeling, my best years are yet to come...


*Here's another past post of my birthday and how motherhood has changed me... My 34 trips around the sun...