Is Gaslighting, the new norm towards children?

I must say, I'm so proud of my daughter!

As all of you know, my parenting is about autonomy and childhood rights. I focus on child-centered parenting, where we're more of a team. Instead of the typical, us against them, mentality.

At school, during their outdoor recess, my daughter and a bunch of kids were running around playing tag - like kids do. My daughter, in her clumsy fashion, tripped and fell onto her face (by the way, that's inherited from my husband, not me -hahaha). She was bleeding from her mouth and the kids were kind enough to come over, to see how she was. Then, a teacher came over to see what the commotion was all about and immediately told my daughter, she was fine. 

Keep in mind, my daughter was not crying. She didn't even complain about anything -she didn't have a chance, as she was still on the ground. At that point, the teacher basically wanted to break up the commotion and get everyone back to where they were. She obviously didn't want to hear my daughter's thoughts or feelings on what just happened.

My daughter kindly asked to go to the nurse to get cleaned up. But the teacher just kept telling her, she was fine and she didn't need to go to the nurse. Then, guided her to go back and play...

But instead of blindly following, my daughter told her, "I am not fine. I am bleeding and would like to go to the nurse to get checked out." 

*I always tell my children, you can question anyone -even adults- as long as it's done respectfully. Just because someone is older than you, it doesn't mean they're always correct.

To which the teacher finally replied, "fine, just go in."

I always find school very hypocritical in that, they expect the world from the kids. They expect them to blindly follow, sit still, pay attention, raise their hands only when told, go to the bathroom only when allowed, be responsible for their own assignments, know how to put their hair in a ponytail perfectly, etc... But, they're not allowed to be responsible for their own feelings...

I'm passionate about not telling my children how they feel. They're people, with their own thoughts, feelings and opinions. I don't control them. I don't gaslight them, nor dominate them. -If my child gets hurt, I don't tell them they're fine. Instead, I cuddle them and tell them I understand it hurts and mama is here to help make it all better... I think a lot of people get caught up in the thought, that children need to be told they're fine all the time - regardless of how they actually feel. 

Because, I guess, they think children are incapable of understanding how they actually feel...

But what if they're not fine? 

Do we really want to send the message to our children that their feelings aren't justified?

Do we really want to diminish our children's feelings?

Suppressing feelings, will eventually end up making them unsure of when to speak up when bigger problems arise later on. If they're constantly told they're fine, how will they know when they're not fine?

I'm proud of her. 

I'm proud she actually voiced her concern and stood up to someone...

...It's just a shame that the person who was gaslighting her, happened to be a teacher - you know, the people who are supposed to be there to help you...

My little boy, the 6 year old...

When I begun this parenting journey 8 years ago, I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't one of those people who had baby names picked out since I was a child. Or, had my whole life planned out before me... At that point, my husband and I were already together for 7 years and we traveled everywhere at the drop of a dime... 

We were ok with life...

Until one day, we weren't...

And like a light being switched on, we knew it was time for children. And that sudden yearning, initiated.

I never expected motherhood would change me the way that it had. I never expected to be this all natural, borderline crazy, hippie parent - considering, I still eat tasty cakes and pop tarts under a semi lit light, hidden away in a room, like I'm doing something wrong. 

I never expected to be this laid back, child led, parent either - because, I have a type A, control freak, personality.

After time, I found out that I make a much better person as a mother, than I never did, as just a woman.

As a mother, I feel complete. I feel confident and I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.

So, by the time my son was born, on this frigid day, 6 years ago, I passed through all the new mom jitters. I didn't experience the new blunders that we all did with our first (Like, trying to get the baby to sleep in the crib... Come on, who were we kidding?) Instead, I was ready and willing for my love to succumb to this beautiful new human. Without fear attached to it.


It was second nature.

My daughter was colic from the moment she was born. She cried as soon as she was delivered and continued well past 6 months old. She was my first, so I was awkward and helpless. However, when my son was born and placed ever so gently into my arms, he was calm. His serene eyes glanced up at me and he nuzzled his soft cheek into my bare chest. He fit perfectly against my body. He was my son, the remaining missing piece to our little family.

With the memory of him being placed in my arms so vivid, it's hard to imagine that my last child is no longer a baby. When I close my eyes, I could still smell the new baby scent that radiated from his dark colored hair. I could remember how wonderfully he slept from day one and his abnormally large appetite that helped his already big frame grow even larger.

My little boy, such a sweet soft soul, he contains.

But this time, he didn't change my life - Instead, he added to it... 
He completed the final piece of the puzzle, that we didn't even know we were missing.

His wonderful sleeping ability and always pleasant nature was a welcomed change from his colicky older sister.

He's easily content and low maintenance... 
Nuturing and a complete cuddle bug.

He loves Minecraft and Superheroes.

And, he loves to talk... A lot... He loves asking questions and loves to learn something new... And LOVES math...

He loves to dress up in his superhero costumes and is so silly and funny...

He's his own person and we love him even more for that.

Being a mother, allows me the privilege to help guide my children through this chaotic life and help them to find out who they are -the same way they helped me. 

I'm grateful for all my opportunities with them and owe them everything, because they made me such a better person (a tired person, but a better person nonetheless)…

...Motherhood completed me...

Happy 6th birthday, my beautiful boy.