I sat with my legs crissed-crossed on the warm pavement in front of our fire pit. My hands were outstretched, holding onto a stick to manipulate the burning logs, as the sun dipped below the horizon.
My children sat across from me on the blanket, laughing, as their faces were covered in smores.
I glanced over at them smiling, because I was truly happy to be in that moment with the both of them...
However, about 15 minutes before this, the image was completely different.
We love doing our fires on the patio. It's something we've done continuously since my children were very little. And, as they aged, we each took on a role in order for the fire to work. I'm positioned at the helm, starting the fire and keeping it afloat and my children are the stick gatherers. They fill the bucket with twigs to start the fire and carry logs to keep it burning longer...
One doesn't do more or less than the other...
However, on this particular day, my daughter wasn't having it...
They both wanted smores and a fire, even though it has rained for a week straight. But, I figured my survival skills are pretty decent and I could get a fire to start, even with wet logs. But, I wasn't sure how long I would be able to keep it going, as each new stick was more wet than the previous... Although I did get it started, I just couldn't keep it going, because my daughter wouldn't help her brother get more wood. And the wetness was overpowering my efforts.
She stayed on that blanket and wouldn't budge...
It was just one of those days in the life of a child... When you're either tired, cranky, or having emotions that you're just not sure of yet. But, it happens - Hell, I'm 36 years old and sometimes, I wake up moody - My children never need to explain to me when they're having an off day. I understand and I get it. I just want to help make it better...
But, when the fire quickly went out, she lost it.
She cried.
A lot...
She just wasn't using any words to explain why she was crying...
So I knelt down in front of her, explaining that the fire went out because we were already working against everything being wet and we also needed more wood and that, it wasn't solely her brother's responsibility to go find more. She needed to help him, the way she always does (stick gathering is my daughter's favorite part of the fire)...
We're all a team...
However, she was upset about something completely different, other than the fire going out -I knew that, I just had to get her calm to discuss it with her.
After snuggling close with her and talking, she finally stopped crying... And she told me, she didn't want to get the fire wood because, it wasn't as bright as it usually is and she was too scared to go near our woods... Which I was baffled by, because these two do it all the time and they make it so much fun. But nonetheless, I validated her fear -because to her in that moment, it was real...
And, I came up with a suggestion that the three of us go together to get enough wood to start the fire and make some smores...
Because, everyone deserves a second chance in life...
Of course, they both cheerfully obliged...
My point of this story is to stress that children are still going to be children... My daughter may be 7 years old and for most people, they'd expect the world from them. But, I only expect kindness, respect, and manners in my household... Controlling emotions is not something I expect at this age...
My daughter still needs to be hugged, snuggled, and feel secure. She needs to be reminded that she's still a child every now and then - and there's nothing like a good ole' tantrum to bring that back to the forefront, am I right?
Children need understanding and compassion. They need to know that they'll make mistakes and that's ok. Because making mistakes is how you learn and grow...
I don't assume my children do things intentionally to erk me or to upset me... Instead, I always assume something else is the culprit and I try to figure out how to fix it with them...
And, if I would have just punished her for crying and not offered a second chance, we wouldn't have laughed around the fire... She wouldn't have had the opportunity to discuss the problem with me and she wouldn't have learned how to make it right.
She would eventually become too scared to come to me with small problems, so when big problems arise, she wouldn't trust me to help her later on.
Children need to know there is someone there that they can count on who will listen to their problems - instead of judging their every move.
Childhood is a time for learning. And parenting, is a time for teaching. They go hand in hand... Children will act like children, but parents need to act like parents -and guide, not react.
Of course, we all have off days - No one is perfect, not even parents... But then, that turns into a good teaching moment for a parent to show that mistakes happen but you accept it, figure it out, then move forward.
The rest of the night ended with us telling silly stories around the fire... And, my children playing pretend Minecraft with their pick axe and swords... And us jamming out to tweener songs on the CD player.
And you know what? Years from now, when I'm thinking about that night, I'll only remember the fun times... I'll remember how little they once were. I'll remember how they can NEVER consume a smore without getting more than half of it on their face, hands, and legs. I'll remember their laugh when this mama got up to dance to JoJo's songs. And most of all, I'll remember when sitting around the fire with their mother, was the best thing in the world to them...
...I'll never remember that silly tantrum...
Because that is only a blip in time, compared to the bigger picture.
