The Happy Days Blog
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
Mid Week Humor: Laugh and Cry. Duct Tape and WD 40...
The art of navigating early motherhood comes down to your ability to laugh and cry... Laugh, when things are funny. And cry, when they're not... It's like the Duct Tape and WD 40 logic of Motherhood.
Monday, November 6, 2017
That time my children became friends...
Somewhere between the arguing, the "get out of my room," and the "I can't stand you," a bond formed...
... A bond stronger than any sibling relationship...
Instead, this is a best friendship.
A friendship where, they don't even know where one half of them starts and the other half ends...
A friendship where, their love for each other is as natural as the sun rising -and is not forced.
It turns out, my daughter wasn't looking for a little brother, she was looking for a best friend to travel this journey with...
... And he couldn't be happier with his role.
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
Mid Week Humor: The day after Halloween...
Today is, National Eat Candy for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner Day... Basically, eat the candy until you get so sick of it, that you don't want it again until next Halloween... Or, is this just me and my gluttonous ways?
The Happy Days Blog
Monday, October 30, 2017
The old notion of schooling...
When I was a child, school was this, "rite of passage," that we all attended. Like, it was written in stone that everyone must go through this journey, good or bad. And in the end, we all learned a secret handshake.
They said, school would help us grow, it would help us experience life, and help us understand the world. It was supposed to be a life lesson that everyone was in agreement that children needed to experienced in unison.
What wasn't planned, was the unnecessary branches that grew illogically from the roots...
What I remember from school, was this barbaric notion of evolution and the domineering food chain, but it didn't resemble real-life.
In school, we were taught that the most popular prevail above all and being in that group, would get you far. So, most kids aspired to fit in that group. They went to great lengths to belong and tore down many peers in the process. However, talent and achievements were irrelevant in that category. And the "smarties" were mocked, bullied, and tormented, and were not considered an important member of society -Even though, those kids turned out to be the Mark Zuckerbergs of the world.
Children are bullied daily, some to the point of the ultimate sacrifice. They are tried and tested... And contrary to popular belief, children don't bounce back from that. They're not resilient, like everyone claims. Children just get torn down to a hollow empty shell and eventually re-shape themselves into someone different.
And the halls we imagined for ourselves, never quite measured up to the ones in Saved by the Bell...
We were taught to sit in single file desks and stare at a black board. We had little breaks throughout the day and movement was limited. We read out of textbooks and never did group work. And fun learning games were only a celebratory thing, never frequent...
We were bombarded with repetitious acts to train our brains to recite, instead of understand. Because for some reason, memorization was more important than retention.
Standardize testing has never been used upon departure of school. All it teaches, is how to tear down your self-esteem. It removes the fun of learning and the ability to absorb the basic understanding. It is a pressure system that separates the calm and collective from the nervous and anxiety ridden bunch.
It's no wonder that children lose themselves in the process of schooling. They're told when to eat, when to use the bathroom, what to wear, and when to talk. By the end of their schooling, children are left to decide who they want to be for the rest of their lives. After over a decade, of not being allowed to make a decision... And most, lost sight of the person who once had so many aspirations and dreams.
Because in school, dreaming isn't measurable and to educators, isn't attainable...
This once, "rite of passage," has belittled the education system since new research has grown.
We've now learned that we don't have to subject our children to the same bullying and barbaric education system that we were once a part of. Instead, we banded together and demanded more.
We learned that kindness and acceptance of all, will create a better person. Our children are taught to stand up for others and help a fellow peer, and to always stand up for their own convictions.
We've learned that standing out against the crowd, is sometimes better than fitting in.
We learned that unschooling proves more promising and less structure in schools, actually promotes more positive results and compliance.
We learned that tests and grades in elementary levels creates abnormal stresses and decreases confidence for future education.
We learned that children should move around more throughout the day and have more breaks and be outside multiple times a day.
We learned that respect should always be offered from not just the students, but the teachers and staff too. Because, how can a child learn to respect, if they're not being respected.
We have learned that children are more than just robots that can be controlled. Instead, they're these little humans ready to soak up any knowledge worth knowing, when it's being presented correctly.
Schools have come a long way from my days of walking the halls... Thanks to the ones who demanded more for their children. The parents and educators who sought out the change and implemented the movement to help mold better humans.
But most importantly, we've also learned that school is no longer a rite of passage, but instead, only an option. If your school doesn't fit with your morals and values, then you don't have to subject your children to it. And until all schools reach these new standards, homeschooling is the safer option for your children.
Being at home is a scary concept for many, because it's different. But different isn't always bad. And in this case, you want to be different from the norm.
The most important part is, you're home with your child. You're experiencing life together. And, any problems that arise, can be faced with the love and security from family support.
Your child isn't left alone, wandering their brain to find solutions for things they don't even know. They're not forced to compare their qualities with peers for acceptance. And they're not torn down and made to be reshaped into an unrecognizable person.
Schooling has come a long way over the years, but it still needs to move leaps and bounds more. And the only way we'll get there, is by parents becoming more educated on unschooling and demanding that their children be treated with the same respect, as you would treat another person.
If we really want schooling to teach our children what real life is, then we need to start creating a school system that is life like -filled with choices and respect.
So, when our children graduate, they'll be kinder humans ready to soften this world. And, they won't have to spend their college years trying to figure out who they are, they'll already know...
Because our children deserve better than this...
They said, school would help us grow, it would help us experience life, and help us understand the world. It was supposed to be a life lesson that everyone was in agreement that children needed to experienced in unison.
What wasn't planned, was the unnecessary branches that grew illogically from the roots...
What I remember from school, was this barbaric notion of evolution and the domineering food chain, but it didn't resemble real-life.
In school, we were taught that the most popular prevail above all and being in that group, would get you far. So, most kids aspired to fit in that group. They went to great lengths to belong and tore down many peers in the process. However, talent and achievements were irrelevant in that category. And the "smarties" were mocked, bullied, and tormented, and were not considered an important member of society -Even though, those kids turned out to be the Mark Zuckerbergs of the world.
Children are bullied daily, some to the point of the ultimate sacrifice. They are tried and tested... And contrary to popular belief, children don't bounce back from that. They're not resilient, like everyone claims. Children just get torn down to a hollow empty shell and eventually re-shape themselves into someone different.
And the halls we imagined for ourselves, never quite measured up to the ones in Saved by the Bell...
We were taught to sit in single file desks and stare at a black board. We had little breaks throughout the day and movement was limited. We read out of textbooks and never did group work. And fun learning games were only a celebratory thing, never frequent...
We were bombarded with repetitious acts to train our brains to recite, instead of understand. Because for some reason, memorization was more important than retention.
Standardize testing has never been used upon departure of school. All it teaches, is how to tear down your self-esteem. It removes the fun of learning and the ability to absorb the basic understanding. It is a pressure system that separates the calm and collective from the nervous and anxiety ridden bunch.
It's no wonder that children lose themselves in the process of schooling. They're told when to eat, when to use the bathroom, what to wear, and when to talk. By the end of their schooling, children are left to decide who they want to be for the rest of their lives. After over a decade, of not being allowed to make a decision... And most, lost sight of the person who once had so many aspirations and dreams.
Because in school, dreaming isn't measurable and to educators, isn't attainable...
This once, "rite of passage," has belittled the education system since new research has grown.
We've now learned that we don't have to subject our children to the same bullying and barbaric education system that we were once a part of. Instead, we banded together and demanded more.
We learned that kindness and acceptance of all, will create a better person. Our children are taught to stand up for others and help a fellow peer, and to always stand up for their own convictions.
We've learned that standing out against the crowd, is sometimes better than fitting in.
We learned that unschooling proves more promising and less structure in schools, actually promotes more positive results and compliance.
We learned that tests and grades in elementary levels creates abnormal stresses and decreases confidence for future education.
We learned that children should move around more throughout the day and have more breaks and be outside multiple times a day.
We learned that respect should always be offered from not just the students, but the teachers and staff too. Because, how can a child learn to respect, if they're not being respected.
We have learned that children are more than just robots that can be controlled. Instead, they're these little humans ready to soak up any knowledge worth knowing, when it's being presented correctly.
Schools have come a long way from my days of walking the halls... Thanks to the ones who demanded more for their children. The parents and educators who sought out the change and implemented the movement to help mold better humans.
But most importantly, we've also learned that school is no longer a rite of passage, but instead, only an option. If your school doesn't fit with your morals and values, then you don't have to subject your children to it. And until all schools reach these new standards, homeschooling is the safer option for your children.
Being at home is a scary concept for many, because it's different. But different isn't always bad. And in this case, you want to be different from the norm.
The most important part is, you're home with your child. You're experiencing life together. And, any problems that arise, can be faced with the love and security from family support.
Your child isn't left alone, wandering their brain to find solutions for things they don't even know. They're not forced to compare their qualities with peers for acceptance. And they're not torn down and made to be reshaped into an unrecognizable person.
Schooling has come a long way over the years, but it still needs to move leaps and bounds more. And the only way we'll get there, is by parents becoming more educated on unschooling and demanding that their children be treated with the same respect, as you would treat another person.
If we really want schooling to teach our children what real life is, then we need to start creating a school system that is life like -filled with choices and respect.
So, when our children graduate, they'll be kinder humans ready to soften this world. And, they won't have to spend their college years trying to figure out who they are, they'll already know...
Because our children deserve better than this...
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Mid Week Humor: Listening skills...
Me: Please, no running.
Kids: *running.
Me: Ok, thanks.
-At least I know that my powers of invisibility are still going strong...
Kids: *running.
Me: Ok, thanks.
-At least I know that my powers of invisibility are still going strong...
The Happy Days Blog
Monday, October 23, 2017
That time I was diagnosed with a tumor...
I sat in the semi-lit room, on an outstretched gurney, while my feet dangled off the side of the cold metal. My mother-in-law stood beside me, as I counted the beats in my chest. The large room which I entered, begun to rapidly feel smaller and smaller...
Minutes prior, I was laying horizontally, when the sonographer was moving the wand diligently over my left breast. She cautiously overlapped one area multiple times and stopped for an abnormal amount of pictures. She remained silent the entire time. The pit in my stomach rose, as I attempted small talk, but was rejected due to her steadfast concentration. When she finally did reply, I was met with, "I'll get the doctor."
I held my Mala beads so tightly in my hands, they were slippery from the sweat. My mother-in-law rubbed my back, as my fear was noticeable. Seconds later, the doctor stepped in...
He stood before me, tall and regal, and explained my exam while apologizing for the undesirable mammogram. Then the words slowly left his lips... And for a brief moment, time stood still and I could almost see the dust particles floating through the air...
They found a tumor in my breast...
In those seconds, my young 35 year old brain flashed through my life. And I immediately welled up with emotions. I was almost angry... Angry at the thought of something I couldn't control coming between my children and I. For god sakes, they're only 5&7 years old. I couldn't be dealing with this. I almost wanted to walk out and sweep this whole conversation under the rug and save it for another time -Like another 50 years...
The doctor informed me that I needed a biopsy and was to meet with a breast oncology surgeon, who thankfully, was amazing. And I'm a luckier person for having him grace my life.
Weeks of other testing and appointments and anguish over my future predicament, all nearly sent me over the edge. I had this urge to just shut everyone out and ride my life out with only my children and I tucked away in a tiny house in the woods... Without ever knowing the definitive result.
There were days that I cried on the floor, fervently sobbing over life ideas that haven't even happened yet. Usually, I spend most of my days relishing in past memories and now, I couldn't help but think of the future... How I'd give up anything, take anything, do anything, just so I could be with my children forever.
...To witness graduation, marriages, and be an awesome grandma and pass down traditions. To sit with my teenage daughter and talk about boys. To raise my son to be nothing short of a kind gentleman in this crazy world. To just be there for morning drop off and afternoon pick up. To help with homework and run to soccer practice...
To just live...
And I realize to an outsider, these are dramatic thoughts and emotions for a person who doesn't have a definitive diagnosis. But, I challenge anyone who has children, especially young children, to hear the words tumor and referral to a breast oncology surgeon and not go to a scary place in your brain...
But obviously, I didn't run off into the dark of night and sweep all this under the rug, Instead, I made the appointment, with not only my husband standing beside me, but my friends and family as well... I knew I was lucky in life, but man, I couldn't help but feel the positivity from the support I received. My group rose me up. They helped me open my eyes to reality of moving forward; with phone calls, text messages, random coffee shop laughs, visits with desserts, and long conversations... All just letting me know they were there, at any time.
So when I sat on the cold gurney again, awaiting my biopsy, I wasn't full of fear. This time, I was full of hope. That even if the results came back as cancer, I could handle it. I could face it. And I could beat it. Because I had an army behind me, that wouldn't let me do anything differently.
And, my other mother-in-law graciously stayed with me at home for a few days upon recovery, which meant more to me, than she'll ever know.
And in the end, after 4 long weeks from the first test, I was safe. My results came back as a benign tumor -Fibroadenoma. And I cried in relief, as the elephant sauntered off my chest and the air in the room became lighter...
It was over...
But only being 35 years old, the reality of life still remained... It's amazing how untouchable we all perceive ourselves. How much we put off for tomorrow, thinking it will always be there for another day. But it's crazy, how only one day can take all these hopes, dreams, and aspirations and dangle them in front of us like an unattainable fantasy.
How, none of this is guaranteed.
How, we all have these things we put on a imaginary bucket list, always fantasizing about a later, better time. But why aren't we doing them now, when the time is fresh and pure? When the time is actually palpable?
Because cancer doesn't care how old you are, or what you're eager to accomplish, or what you're putting off until tomorrow... And sadly, for some women (and men), these bucket list items may never matriculate.
And the coincidental occurrence of time couldn't be more dramatic. All this, with October being breast cancer awareness month...
As I write this, I'm beyond incredibly grateful for my second chance; my "all clear." But, my heart shatters into pieces for those who didn't have the same outcome -those women who had to face the gut wrenching fear, while looking into their children's eyes, or lay awake beside their husband, relieving every moment.
My heart goes out to the ones who picked themselves up and dug deep, during the final innings of play, when it really counted... The ones who found strength, they never knew they had. To the remarkable women, who are fighting this horrendous disease and somehow, find the power to keep being awesome...
You ladies, are warriors...
You ladies, are in my thoughts now more than ever. And I'm praying for you all to have a full recovery and for all your dreams to come true...
So everyone, hug your babies extra tight tonight. Keep them close and love on them, until you can't love anymore. You'll never regret being with them too much and there will never be a part of you that will have resentment for doing so...
Take that trip with your family.
Hop in a car, without a destination.
Take a long weekend.
Have a campfire on a Tuesday night, just because. And let your children eat dinner on the blanket.
Buy that dress, shoes, purse, or whatever it is you fancy.
Don't worry so much about money and status.
Love your husband.
Love your family.
Hug for no reason... And hug for every reason.
Be kind to your neighbors and fellow man/woman.
Be thoughtful and courteous.
Hold the door for that person walking through.
Allow that driver to change lanes or merge.
Smile.
Wave a driver into traffic.
Help carry something for someone.
Talk to a random person in line at the checkout counter.
Be a kind human and live in the now.
Live it all now...
Because now, is all we have.
Minutes prior, I was laying horizontally, when the sonographer was moving the wand diligently over my left breast. She cautiously overlapped one area multiple times and stopped for an abnormal amount of pictures. She remained silent the entire time. The pit in my stomach rose, as I attempted small talk, but was rejected due to her steadfast concentration. When she finally did reply, I was met with, "I'll get the doctor."
I held my Mala beads so tightly in my hands, they were slippery from the sweat. My mother-in-law rubbed my back, as my fear was noticeable. Seconds later, the doctor stepped in...
He stood before me, tall and regal, and explained my exam while apologizing for the undesirable mammogram. Then the words slowly left his lips... And for a brief moment, time stood still and I could almost see the dust particles floating through the air...
They found a tumor in my breast...
In those seconds, my young 35 year old brain flashed through my life. And I immediately welled up with emotions. I was almost angry... Angry at the thought of something I couldn't control coming between my children and I. For god sakes, they're only 5&7 years old. I couldn't be dealing with this. I almost wanted to walk out and sweep this whole conversation under the rug and save it for another time -Like another 50 years...
The doctor informed me that I needed a biopsy and was to meet with a breast oncology surgeon, who thankfully, was amazing. And I'm a luckier person for having him grace my life.
Weeks of other testing and appointments and anguish over my future predicament, all nearly sent me over the edge. I had this urge to just shut everyone out and ride my life out with only my children and I tucked away in a tiny house in the woods... Without ever knowing the definitive result.
There were days that I cried on the floor, fervently sobbing over life ideas that haven't even happened yet. Usually, I spend most of my days relishing in past memories and now, I couldn't help but think of the future... How I'd give up anything, take anything, do anything, just so I could be with my children forever.
...To witness graduation, marriages, and be an awesome grandma and pass down traditions. To sit with my teenage daughter and talk about boys. To raise my son to be nothing short of a kind gentleman in this crazy world. To just be there for morning drop off and afternoon pick up. To help with homework and run to soccer practice...
To just live...
And I realize to an outsider, these are dramatic thoughts and emotions for a person who doesn't have a definitive diagnosis. But, I challenge anyone who has children, especially young children, to hear the words tumor and referral to a breast oncology surgeon and not go to a scary place in your brain...
But obviously, I didn't run off into the dark of night and sweep all this under the rug, Instead, I made the appointment, with not only my husband standing beside me, but my friends and family as well... I knew I was lucky in life, but man, I couldn't help but feel the positivity from the support I received. My group rose me up. They helped me open my eyes to reality of moving forward; with phone calls, text messages, random coffee shop laughs, visits with desserts, and long conversations... All just letting me know they were there, at any time.
So when I sat on the cold gurney again, awaiting my biopsy, I wasn't full of fear. This time, I was full of hope. That even if the results came back as cancer, I could handle it. I could face it. And I could beat it. Because I had an army behind me, that wouldn't let me do anything differently.
And, my other mother-in-law graciously stayed with me at home for a few days upon recovery, which meant more to me, than she'll ever know.
And in the end, after 4 long weeks from the first test, I was safe. My results came back as a benign tumor -Fibroadenoma. And I cried in relief, as the elephant sauntered off my chest and the air in the room became lighter...
It was over...
But only being 35 years old, the reality of life still remained... It's amazing how untouchable we all perceive ourselves. How much we put off for tomorrow, thinking it will always be there for another day. But it's crazy, how only one day can take all these hopes, dreams, and aspirations and dangle them in front of us like an unattainable fantasy.
How, none of this is guaranteed.
How, we all have these things we put on a imaginary bucket list, always fantasizing about a later, better time. But why aren't we doing them now, when the time is fresh and pure? When the time is actually palpable?
Because cancer doesn't care how old you are, or what you're eager to accomplish, or what you're putting off until tomorrow... And sadly, for some women (and men), these bucket list items may never matriculate.
And the coincidental occurrence of time couldn't be more dramatic. All this, with October being breast cancer awareness month...
As I write this, I'm beyond incredibly grateful for my second chance; my "all clear." But, my heart shatters into pieces for those who didn't have the same outcome -those women who had to face the gut wrenching fear, while looking into their children's eyes, or lay awake beside their husband, relieving every moment.
My heart goes out to the ones who picked themselves up and dug deep, during the final innings of play, when it really counted... The ones who found strength, they never knew they had. To the remarkable women, who are fighting this horrendous disease and somehow, find the power to keep being awesome...
You ladies, are warriors...
You ladies, are in my thoughts now more than ever. And I'm praying for you all to have a full recovery and for all your dreams to come true...
So everyone, hug your babies extra tight tonight. Keep them close and love on them, until you can't love anymore. You'll never regret being with them too much and there will never be a part of you that will have resentment for doing so...
Take that trip with your family.
Hop in a car, without a destination.
Take a long weekend.
Have a campfire on a Tuesday night, just because. And let your children eat dinner on the blanket.
Buy that dress, shoes, purse, or whatever it is you fancy.
Don't worry so much about money and status.
Love your husband.
Love your family.
Hug for no reason... And hug for every reason.
Be kind to your neighbors and fellow man/woman.
Be thoughtful and courteous.
Hold the door for that person walking through.
Allow that driver to change lanes or merge.
Smile.
Wave a driver into traffic.
Help carry something for someone.
Talk to a random person in line at the checkout counter.
Be a kind human and live in the now.
Live it all now...
Because now, is all we have.
Monday, October 16, 2017
He's a boy, who is growing up...
From day one, this little boy was my right hand man... He has always been by my side and never spent a night away from me. As a baby, he was most likely found curled up, sleeping in my Maya Wrap, at any given time. He would lay there, peacefully sleeping while his little eyes were tightly closed and his puckered lips fell loose... I don't even think he was aware that he had the potential to walk, until well after his first birthday -And that was due to his above average large size, which made carrying him to be utilized only under dire need.
So when school began, I pictured a sad little boy who desperately wanted to stay close to his mama's security. I pictured a little boy reaching out for me and begging me to stay with him. I pictured him holding onto our hug, just a little bit longer than needed...
But instead, he was the opposite. He was eager and excited. And in some ways, of course he misses me, but mostly, he's very happy meeting new people and learning his letters. And at each pick-up, he cannot wait to tell me about what he and his friends did that day.
Once upon a time, he was this boy who didn't have weekly scheduled play dates with friends, like his sister once did. Instead, he's a boy who would much rather ride solo in his playroom and imagine with his Batman guys for hours. And oddly, he is a boy who exceeded my expectations and is happily attending preschool and rocking it like a boss...
He isn't thrown by being away from me. Instead, he's excelling.
But, he's a boy who his mama misses deeply. He's a boy who I still miss snuggled up in my wrap, close to my heart. And I'm still trying to find my groove of how to manage my down time, without being mauled by hugs and kisses, from my lovable son.
It seems, he's having an easier time adjusting, than I am. And that makes me very proud, because he's moving in the direction he's supposed to... And for me, it does make it easier knowing that he's happily content while away from me. Otherwise, I'd be sad and stressed...
But for now, I will patiently wait until pick up time, where he cannot wait to jump in my arms and tell me all about his fun day.
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