The time my daughter humbled me...

We arrived home from dance class late on a Monday night, in mid February. My daughter, still riding the excitement of being at her favorite place, skipped through the house and disappeared into her bedroom.

I proceeded into the kitchen to fix a snack for both my children, before homework was to begin... Suddenly, a robo text came through my phone to notify us that school was cancelled for the next day (due to snow) - my birthday.

Within a few minutes, my daughter came back out of her room with her backpack purse draped over her back. She bubbily asked if I could take her to Dollar General because, she wanted to buy me a present for my birthday...

Since having children, my birthday isn't the frontliner anymore... We don't make a huge deal with presents or a party. Instead, we just have a small dinner with my family and parents... But, my children ALWAYS make me cards, which is my most favorite thing in the whole world and something, I look forward to each year - and my daughter is always the one who helps her little brother put it all together.

So, when my daughter mentioned a present, I immediately tried to deter her from doing it. I didn't want her to spend her own allowance money on me - Instead, I could think of a thousand other things, she could spend her money on.

But then, she hugged me and told me, I'm the most important person in the world to her and I do everything for the family and no one ever does anything for me. 

(Which isn't true because, just being able to be a parent to my children is the best thing I could ever have... And also, my daughter is one of the most helpful 8 year old that I know)…

I literally teared up, because that was one of the nicest things someone has said to me in a long time... And, as much as the practical side of me wanted to continue to deter her from doing this, I realized, this is something she really wanted to do...

So, I had to let her...

*But, I did throw out a nonchalant price cap of $5.00 into the air -which of course, she seemed fine with -haha*

We arrived at Dollar General and she wanted to shop the aisles by herself - of course, so I couldn't see what she was buying. The helicopter parent in me immediately had visions of Law and Order episodes or some other Dick Wolf series. But thankfully, we were the only ones in the store and we know the sales clerk from shopping there frequently. 

So, she wandered the aisles and we shouted back and forth over the partitions, like a bunch of weridos…

20 minutes later, she found the item... 
And, made her way to the checkout counter, where she talked to the woman about how excited she was to be buying her mama a birthday present - Then, proceeded to tell her all the time that I put into being a mom to her and her brother... 

I stood off to the side, sneaking my head over the sales rack, to watch her every move...

In the end, I was humbled by this experience... We live a modest life and I'm not a materialistic person, at all. I'd sell everything in a heartbeat and move to a smaller home, if it meant I could continue my lifestyle and be with my children all the time.

My children aren't raised where they're expected to get things. They are always with me when I go shopping and they never ask, if I could buy them something... They do get allowance money and know how to budget. And, they never hesitate to say, "here mama, take my money to buy ___ for the house." Which, I always praise them for offering, but never accept. Also, I've always taught them giving feels so much better than getting. Hence, why it was hard for me to accept her buying the gift in the first place...

But, allowing her to give to me, was worth it -all the way.

It was a moment that I didn't even know I needed.

Because, there are a lot of days that blur into one another. Some days, I feel like I'm just purely surviving. Other days, I just want to start all over again. And like all moms, I'm smothered in mom guilt...

At least I know, in the midst of everything, I'm doing something right...

I know that somewhere in the mix, they're learning responsibilities and how to be kind to others. They appreciate the world around them for what it is and look to see what they could give back, instead of trying to see what the world will give them...

And some times, us mamas need that revelation every once in awhile.

Hating cosleep, but loving it at the same time...

The hours seemed to pass at an alarming rate -basically, just your typical weekday... The outside was darkening like lights being put on a dimmer and the air suddenly shifted from spring-like temperatures to winter, all within 5 hours... 

I always feel like I'm rushing through the moments to access every faucet that needs to be achieved, in a very short window. And those hours from, coming home from school to bed time, disappear faster than cupcakes do from my home...

Baths were had, homework was completed, and stories were read.

I sat on the edge of each of my children's bed, holding their hands and stroking their heads until they fell asleep.

I quietly left their rooms, like I was maneuvering myself through a bank vault with red laser security beams covering the floor beneath my feet.
(My old 1930s hardwood floors aren't forgiving with sound - and of course, EVERYTHING sounds louder at night).

I grabbed my cup of sleeptime tea off the counter and nestled next to my husband on the couch - very excited to begin this week's episode of, Manifest. 

*Since becoming a mother, TV shows have become the new, "bar night," to me.

About 20 minutes into the show, I hear giggling... I paused the TV two times to listen carefully. But both times, the air was quiet. Then, the same thing happened again - To prove I wasn't going crazy and hearing phantom sounds of children giggling (because come on, is there really anything scarier at night?), I got up to make my rounds around our home.

My son wasn't in his room, so I quickly ventured down to my daughter's room... Outside her door, I stood motionless, listening to both of my children giggling, while playing Roblox on their kindles.

I'm not strict about much, but I am strict about bedtimes during the school year. Because, sleep helps with everything from stress, moodiness, and preventing illnesses... So naturally, my first thought was to bust through the door and break up their party. But, the longer I stood out there, I realized how hard it must be for a child during the school week. How, for 6.5 hours, they are in a controlled environment with 100% structure - only to come home at 4:00 pm, do homework, eat dinner, get baths, and get ready for bed. And, redo the whole thing over again the next day...

There is very little time for them to just, be.

Very little time for them to play a video game or to read a book for pleasure, instead of turning it into a comprehensive task for A.R. There's little time for my daughter to write her stories or even practice her vocal songs. Or, my son to write his beloved comic books... And, very little time for my son and daughter to just play the two of them, like they've had for so many years prior.

Also, our weekends are filled with theatre rehearsals and out-of-state day trips to vocal lessons...

It seems we've reached a point in our lives where just sitting, is being taken for granted.

So, before I opened the door, I let all the memories flood into me. I held onto them for the moment, with my body stiff and fists clenched, like my life depended on it... I used them as a reminder, that things around here are changing. That, the days no longer belong to us, the way they used to. That, my children are aging and coming into their own and their interests are evolving. And simply, my daughter is getting older and wants to become a professional singer and performer, and we're taking the steps to get her to where she needs to be.

And, as much as her passion and dedication is there, she still needs balance of work and play...

So, I quietly walked away from her door... I let them be.

And, I sat down next to my husband, while we continued to watch, Manifest and The Kids Are Alright, until we were tired.

Their giggling increased, as the night progressed. And, I'd hear them occasionally run out of her room to check and see if we knew they were there. I think even they were surprised I was letting them stay awake later on a school night. But, not to press their luck, they fled back into her bedroom, just in case...

Their antics reminded me of when they were younger... what seems like a lifetime ago now...

When 10:00 pm rolled around, I finally knocked on her door and called it a night... But, at this point, I saved them the trouble of waking up later and sauntering into my bed.

Instead, we all went upstairs together. 

And, the four of us squeezed into my king size bed. A bed that once felt so big, it used to scare me when they were little. Now, I feel like I need to be bungeed to the side of the wall because, I teeter on the edge.

And that's where the night concluded...

With the four of us now giggling about how much smaller the king size bed seems to feel now, as opposed to even a year ago. How my son kept pushing my husband away and complaining that he was too close to him. And about how they kept rotating because, both wanted to be next to my husband and I, at the same time... But, as their tiredness grew, they eventually didn't want to be next to each other anymore. 

And, I laid in the silence... 

...Looking at these two big kids...

Grateful they had more hours to be kids, without the confinement of organized structure...

Because, so much seems to be changing, but yet, so much still remains the same...
And for one, I still hate cosleeping, but love it at the same time. 

Is Gaslighting, the new norm towards children?

I must say, I'm so proud of my daughter!

As all of you know, my parenting is about autonomy and childhood rights. I focus on child-centered parenting, where we're more of a team. Instead of the typical, us against them, mentality.

At school, during their outdoor recess, my daughter and a bunch of kids were running around playing tag - like kids do. My daughter, in her clumsy fashion, tripped and fell onto her face (by the way, that's inherited from my husband, not me -hahaha). She was bleeding from her mouth and the kids were kind enough to come over, to see how she was. Then, a teacher came over to see what the commotion was all about and immediately told my daughter, she was fine. 

Keep in mind, my daughter was not crying. She didn't even complain about anything -she didn't have a chance, as she was still on the ground. At that point, the teacher basically wanted to break up the commotion and get everyone back to where they were. She obviously didn't want to hear my daughter's thoughts or feelings on what just happened.

My daughter kindly asked to go to the nurse to get cleaned up. But the teacher just kept telling her, she was fine and she didn't need to go to the nurse. Then, guided her to go back and play...

But instead of blindly following, my daughter told her, "I am not fine. I am bleeding and would like to go to the nurse to get checked out." 

*I always tell my children, you can question anyone -even adults- as long as it's done respectfully. Just because someone is older than you, it doesn't mean they're always correct.

To which the teacher finally replied, "fine, just go in."

I always find school very hypocritical in that, they expect the world from the kids. They expect them to blindly follow, sit still, pay attention, raise their hands only when told, go to the bathroom only when allowed, be responsible for their own assignments, know how to put their hair in a ponytail perfectly, etc... But, they're not allowed to be responsible for their own feelings...

I'm passionate about not telling my children how they feel. They're people, with their own thoughts, feelings and opinions. I don't control them. I don't gaslight them, nor dominate them. -If my child gets hurt, I don't tell them they're fine. Instead, I cuddle them and tell them I understand it hurts and mama is here to help make it all better... I think a lot of people get caught up in the thought, that children need to be told they're fine all the time - regardless of how they actually feel. 

Because, I guess, they think children are incapable of understanding how they actually feel...

But what if they're not fine? 

Do we really want to send the message to our children that their feelings aren't justified?

Do we really want to diminish our children's feelings?

Suppressing feelings, will eventually end up making them unsure of when to speak up when bigger problems arise later on. If they're constantly told they're fine, how will they know when they're not fine?

I'm proud of her. 

I'm proud she actually voiced her concern and stood up to someone...

...It's just a shame that the person who was gaslighting her, happened to be a teacher - you know, the people who are supposed to be there to help you...

My little boy, the 6 year old...

When I begun this parenting journey 8 years ago, I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't one of those people who had baby names picked out since I was a child. Or, had my whole life planned out before me... At that point, my husband and I were already together for 7 years and we traveled everywhere at the drop of a dime... 

We were ok with life...

Until one day, we weren't...

And like a light being switched on, we knew it was time for children. And that sudden yearning, initiated.

I never expected motherhood would change me the way that it had. I never expected to be this all natural, borderline crazy, hippie parent - considering, I still eat tasty cakes and pop tarts under a semi lit light, hidden away in a room, like I'm doing something wrong. 

I never expected to be this laid back, child led, parent either - because, I have a type A, control freak, personality.

After time, I found out that I make a much better person as a mother, than I never did, as just a woman.

As a mother, I feel complete. I feel confident and I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.

So, by the time my son was born, on this frigid day, 6 years ago, I passed through all the new mom jitters. I didn't experience the new blunders that we all did with our first (Like, trying to get the baby to sleep in the crib... Come on, who were we kidding?) Instead, I was ready and willing for my love to succumb to this beautiful new human. Without fear attached to it.


It was second nature.

My daughter was colic from the moment she was born. She cried as soon as she was delivered and continued well past 6 months old. She was my first, so I was awkward and helpless. However, when my son was born and placed ever so gently into my arms, he was calm. His serene eyes glanced up at me and he nuzzled his soft cheek into my bare chest. He fit perfectly against my body. He was my son, the remaining missing piece to our little family.

With the memory of him being placed in my arms so vivid, it's hard to imagine that my last child is no longer a baby. When I close my eyes, I could still smell the new baby scent that radiated from his dark colored hair. I could remember how wonderfully he slept from day one and his abnormally large appetite that helped his already big frame grow even larger.

My little boy, such a sweet soft soul, he contains.

But this time, he didn't change my life - Instead, he added to it... 
He completed the final piece of the puzzle, that we didn't even know we were missing.

His wonderful sleeping ability and always pleasant nature was a welcomed change from his colicky older sister.

He's easily content and low maintenance... 
Nuturing and a complete cuddle bug.

He loves Minecraft and Superheroes.

And, he loves to talk... A lot... He loves asking questions and loves to learn something new... And LOVES math...

He loves to dress up in his superhero costumes and is so silly and funny...

He's his own person and we love him even more for that.

Being a mother, allows me the privilege to help guide my children through this chaotic life and help them to find out who they are -the same way they helped me. 

I'm grateful for all my opportunities with them and owe them everything, because they made me such a better person (a tired person, but a better person nonetheless)…

...Motherhood completed me...

Happy 6th birthday, my beautiful boy.

Who am I? Some resolutions...

As the year 2018 comes to a screeching halt, like everyone else, I'm left reflecting...
And a bit scatter-brained, kind of like a computer with several opened tabs, but reflecting nonetheless...

I'm left with a to-do list a mile long -with things I wanted to accomplish that just never manifested... It was either there wasn't enough time, not enough money, and some, just plain laziness.

But all in all, my year was pretty spectacular... It wasn't anything fancy or vibrant, but for me, it was satisfying on my own scale.

*Family vacations, day trips, watching my daughter perform, watching my son step out of his shell, personal fetes, and mainly, everyone being healthy and happy...

As for me personally? 

hmmm... Well, after a lot of self reflection, I find there is some things that I need to work on as I move forward...

I continue to put myself on the back burner, as usual. Something I struggle with a lot as a mom - I have yet to figure out how to balance being a person and a mom at the same time... And, I exhaust all my energy into my children, that my identity has been lost in the mix.

I also wanted to put more time into my blog, but instead, I ended up putting even less time into it this year.

So, if we were to talk resolutions... 

I want to continue to be an active, engaged mom. I wouldn't change anything on that front. But, I'd love to have a little more one on one time with my husband, outside of parenting. I also want to blog more and focus on creating a brand for myself (But, I have stopped typing about 20 times during this post just to answer questions, get drinks, snacks, and listen to my daughter talk about how cool her favorite new song is - so there's that)… 

I also have been considering changing up my blog a bit. See, right now, my writing only communicates one side of me. The serious mom, who is fighting for children's rights and documents events that demonstrate how to handle parenting peacefully... But, there is another side to me - a sarcastic, funny, and sometimes, inappropriate humor type person. I guess you can say, that is who I am, outside of being a mom. 

It's funny because, my parenting style doesn't quite fit into one bracket. In real life, I consider myself a multitude of personas (and sadly, that makes navigating mom groups very difficult). I am a peaceful parent, uschooler, respectful parent, free range, and ironically, a helicopter parent all wrapped up into one. I'm progressive, but still an early 80s child at heart... I kind of pick and choose from each style and combine them to make my own. But, I add a lot of humor and sarcasm -Like, that is the dominate of it all. And, that's the side my children display the most of, too.

So, when I do navigate mom groups, I mostly see parents are all one way, with no exceptions. Their children always seem to be perfect and quiet -and everyone seems to be so serious. Whereas, I have this really neat balance where my children are really great kids, but they're funny. They're loud, talkative, and wild. But, sweet and loving. And, I'm rarely serious... 

So, my thought process was, to continue writing about what I already do. But, focus more on the ability to blend parenting styles. So, you don't have to be an all or nothing type parent. You can totally be a peaceful parent, but be humorous as well. You can be an attachment parent, but dislike cosleeping like it's the early centuries and the plague is on the rise (I hate cosleeping -but my 8 year old daughter still doesn't sleep through the night). You can be an unschooler, but say no to your child. You can be a free range parent, but helicopter the same time.

I want to be less serious, some of the time...

And, labels are sometimes restricting... Also, they seem to continuously validate or score you as a parent -and who needs that constant hassle?

Being a parent, is just simply putting your children's needs ahead of your own, it doesn't mean you have to like it, you just got to do it - because, it's only for such a short time and sooner than you know it, it'll all be over with. And then, you can be whoever the heck you want to be after that...

In the 5 years of blogging, I bet my readers never knew any of that. I did try to do a mid week humor, but writing jokes without being able to physically animate them, is a lot harder than you'd think. Because, the true essence of me, is borderline obnoxious... As my friends say (and the people who were backstage with me at theatre), I learned how to whisper in an airport hanger with people using chainsaws...

So, I'm thinking, I might start doing a video mid week humor... That's an idea I've been toying around with -I do already post a lot of videos on my Instagram account, so check them out (the_happy_days).

I haven't figured it all out yet and I'd love some feedback...


But one thing for sure is, I do want to start doing more for me and create a space in which I feel accomplished outside of just being a mom -Although, just saying that out loud, sounds really scary... However, I do have to say, it will be hard to top, because being a mom has given me such a sense of accomplishment and confidence in my life.

It brought me to where I am today...

On the other hand, change is good... And growing is even better...

But, balance is the best of all.

And having balance, will be my new mantra of 2019...

I look forward to seeing what the new year will bring...

And, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts as well...


**Here's a look back on some moments throughout our year -

Happy New Year!

Mid Week Humor: Sicknesses...

I feel like I missed a major component about having school age children in the home... Somewhere along the line, I didn't realize their impressive ability to just keep passing sicknesses back and forth among the entire household, every week, and apparently, for the entire year... 
Where was that, in the 'What to Expect' series???

The Happy Days Blog

Why does it seem like schools have more rights, than the parents have?

Disclaimer: This might sound a little ranty, so I apologize for this unusual style up front. But today really got me thinking...

Today, my son woke up with a stuffy nose and a sore throat, like hundreds of other children in schools all across the country... But, thankfully, our kindergarten is only 2.5 hours long, so I sent him in -due to no other major symptoms.

We stood out in front of the same glass doors that I've faced countless times before. The 15 degree temperatures pressed firmly against our skins, as we shivered under the scattered clouded sky... My daughter was bouncing around, talking with her friends, while my son tightly clung to me... He kept saying he didn't feel well, but I reassured him that it was only 2.5 hrs of school and a stuffy nose isn't something major -and he'll probably continue to have it for another week.

Then, when the teacher unlocked the doors, he broke down crying, begging me to take him home.

He just wanted to snuggle up and stay close to me because, he didn't feel well - a perfectly reasonable explanation for a 5 year old child.

But at this point, the principal and guidance counselor were involved, trying to get him to come inside.
*Too many cooks in the kitchen.

The principle even stated, "you can't stay home with only a stuffy nose." And I was told, I had to take him in to see the school nurse, to prove his sickness.

This is where the story turns...

Our state passed a law that you're only allowed 10 EXCUSED days, then the proceeding days MUST have a doctor's excuse, or they will start the truancy court process (yes, our state has their own truancy court). 

10 days, out of 180 school days...

Let that sink in.

...Even though adults get a minimum of 2 weeks vacation, plus personal days and sick days...

*This whole thing started because of this law. If our Governor didn't pass it, I wouldn't have questioned my instinct from the start and I would have trusted his ability to exam himself and kept him home. I understand the logic behind the passing of this law, because of the parents who do not send their kids to school or who take them in late all the time. But, the new law isn't going to stop them. Instead, it's only going to affect the parents like me, who want to follow the rules, but do right by their children at the same time. And in turn, this law is creating parents who send their kids to school, when they should be home resting. Or, parents who send their children back to school quicker than they should and in turn, are spreading more diseases.

So, this is what gets me heated... This is MY child, why do I need prove anything? 

Aren't I the parent?

Look, my children are just starting off in school, so I blame all the parents the prior years ahead of me, who allowed this to happen.

The parents who allowed the state to dictate your rights to your own child(ren).

Stand up for our families!
Stand up for our rights as parents!
And, stand up for our children's rights as people!

Even if my son wasn't sick and just wanted to take the day off to relax, he should be able to, without me having to prove anything...

Adults do it all the time at work.

It's a sad reality in this country that we don't have much rights to our own children, until they're adults - that includes medical too.

And if you don't see it, you're not looking clear enough. 

Districts feel, as soon as the children pass that threshold, they're now state property. And teachers think they are allowed to treat the students how they want -Instilling their beliefs, their morals, and their punishments... The school believes they are allowed to tell your children when they're allowed to go to the bathroom, when they're allowed to speak, and when they're allowed to eat.

But it doesn't work that way....

*I realize it completely does work that way in schools... But it shouldn't. 

And parents allowed it to happen...

Adults are just conditioned to separate from their children and place them in the care of strangers. Parents trust these people as extensions of their families... That has become the norm. And anyone who differs from that norm, they're the strange ones - or the ones who need to change.

But contrary to popular belief, there was once a time when a mother stayed home, looked after her children, and those children were overly attached to their families. They didn't separate easily and they hid behind their parents, when strangers talked to them.

This was once the norm.

Now, infants as young as six weeks, are off to daycare, spending the majority of their time around a bunch of strangers. And when they get sick, they're forced to deal with the uncomfortable feelings around people other than their parents, because understandably, guardians can't just leave work for every little sniffle...

So, by the time school starts, these children are conditioned. They're robotic, because they understand the system...

But, my children do not. My children aren't around anyone other than me. They don't do sleepovers, spend weekends away with a family member, or even a few hours with someone else.

I'm their constant.
Their rock.
Their home base, to feel safe and secure.

And somewhere along the way, that has become a bad thing... It became a hassle to have a child not conform and not blindly trust a stranger.

The way the staff acted today, was not out of concern, but merely with little patience. Almost like, they were shocked that when they snapped their fingers, my child didn't get hypnotized and jump right up and follow them inside - (imagine pavlov's theory).

However, he clung to me, instead of them...

So, after 20 minutes in the nurse's office, I took him home. 

He was still crying...

It was that moment, which separates me from the majority of other parents.

Most parents would have left him there, crying, because they would think that by taking him home, they would create a pattern.

But with me, I took him home because I wanted to show him that mommy will always be there for him -to listen to him, to understand him, and trust him. I wanted to validate him as a person and show him that he has rights to his own life and body.

That nobody owns him.

And, if he was having an "off" day and just didn't feel well, that is perfectly fine. We all do... And not feeling well is different for everyone and should be the parent's judgement call -not the state's.

So, he'll go tomorrow and I'll join him and his class with making gingerbread houses for their craft.

And, he'll get his do-over. 

Or, if not, and this was the early onset of a virus, then I'll trust in him to determine that, not the school...