Life moves forward, whether you're ready or not...

We stayed outside until after night fall. It was hard to close the chapter on another day. So, we all lingered a little bit longer, watching the golden leaves shimmer on the semi-bare Oaks in the last minutes of sunlight. 

It seems all the leaves are falling now, with even the slightest breeze. My backyard is blanketed in colors of reds and yellows, as a constant reminder the season is here to stay.

Nightfall comes earlier and earlier with each passing day. And, the days seem shorter than they ever have. Perhaps, it's not only the season, but because both of my children spend so many hours away from home now. When they're here, the hours are lost by homework, activities, and just getting ready for the next thing, then the next.

It leaves me short of breath and a feeling of emptiness -as though I am always missing something.

That something is, both of my children...

I wait for the time to read late into the mornings with our jammies still donned, or go on walks to examine earth's treasures. Time to explore and time to do nothing at all... When there was time for dance parties and time for sword fighting.

I sit alone and think of all the things I wish I could tell my children throughout the day... Something as little as, JoJo Siwa has a new song or Minecraft has a new update. Or something big like, they're reopening ToysRus!

But, there is only silence.

The silence takes a lot to get used to... But it seems, the hardest things take the longest to accept.

Sometimes, the silence is so quiet, it's deafening.

And what I'm left with, is the thought that nothing can prepare you for how short those earlier years truly are.

The years, when the days belong to us.

And just when it seems like they'll last forever, and you'll never make it a single day longer, they're gone.

They're gone faster than air leaving a balloon.

Diaper bags are replaced with backpacks.
Wobbly first steps are replaced with ballet.
Princess songs are replaced with Tweener pop songs.
Toys are replaced with video games. 
Free time is replaced with activities. 
Neediness is replaced with independence. 
A baby/toddler is replaced by a little girl/boy...

...Children, who are free thinkers with big ideas and even bigger dreams...

My daughter is writing songs and creating stories. My son is drawing comic books and building worlds on Minecraft...

They're growing up quicker than I can breathe in. I try my hardest to hang onto these days with both fists clenched, not wanting to let go. But instead, the hours are passing at an alarming rate. I try to be present in every moment, but instead, I feel like I'm constantly planning a schedule and running from place to place.

I feel like I'm sometimes fumbling through my days, trying to fit everything in, and the time we do spend, isn't the quality of time that we're used to. We pass like ships in the night and I almost become robotic, calling out notations from an invisible list that needs completion... 

The time isn't just ours anymore..

Sometimes, I feel like I am floating along, rising and falling in both of their wind...

So, I cling onto those cuddles longer than I should. I stay at 3 hour theatre practices and volunteer, so I am with my daughter. I take every school volunteer opportunity they offer, so I see both of my children throughout the day... I lay next to my almost sleeping children and hold their hands, while they drift to sleep. Sometimes, dinner isn't made by the time my husband arrives home, because my children are showing me cool things they did on Roblox and Minecraft... And bed time is usually pushed back, to read more stories or lay in my children's bed and talk about life.

I take the moments I can, when they're available...

Because, I know that as my children age, their demands change with them. They become less dependent on me, but more busy. And, as fast as those first few years passed, I'm sure in another few years, I'll be talking about how fast these current years flew by too...

Because, life continues to move along and doesn't wait up for anyone. So you have to grab onto the moments you have, live them to the best of your ability, and never half-ass any of it.

You'll never regret the moments you spend with family, you'll only regret the moments you didn't...

That time I was bullied online for speaking my mind...

The other day, I found myself caught up in a post on a local news page. I'm not sure why I do it, because it never ends well for me...

I live in a small county, where people's ideals and parenting are similar to the belief system as, "if they're still breathing, they're fine." Some families here still believe in spanking and having limited contact with their children in fear, it will baby them (or turn them into the infamous, snowflake).

So someone like me, completely blows their mind...

It was the similar post that we've all seen in our newsfeeds - it doesn't matter where you live, this exists everywhere - A mom who publicly shamed her bullying child on social media.

Of course, I do not defend the child, bullying is wrong in every shape and form, but it is not exclusive to only children... And let's face it, the mother is a bully too.

I think, if your brain even goes to the thought to publicly shame your child as punishment, you need to rethink a few things.

And of course, I was left defending a parenting style, which is so progressive, that most people can't even wrap their brains around the idea.

The concept of saying, bullying wouldn't happen if children had their needs met, were respected, weren't shamed, threatened, or punished doesn't seem logical to some people. They still think that a child needs to be beatened, to fear someone, then in turn, that creates respect... But that's not true. Sure, they respect, because they're scared not to... But they don't fully understand why they're doing it - that's why it doesn't carry on forever. Punishment displays dominance and control, so children are also learning to dominate weaker people, as they age... Children that are respected, understand why they should continue to do so and want to pass it onto the outside world... 

But nonetheless, the masses came out with their pitchforks and mob mentality took over. And I was the target of a lot of people's self projections and fears from their own demons.

*There's so much anger and aggression for a lot of people who think their parenting is raising well adjusted children... And for the love of all things holy, don't defend a bully, by saying she's not a bully, by being a bully to someone else. It's contradictive.

And even after explaining myself, over and over again and describing my parenting like I do on my blog, people immediately tried to lump me in a category of, the friend mom, the no rules mom, the Netflix mom, and probably other's that I'm not even aware of. They immediately went to the idea that, "you're the parent who let's their kids run around like idiots in public." As if, not spanking, punishing, or shaming your child automatically means, your children are allowed to run wild and free without rules...

*shaking my head*

Well, how about, I'm the parent and my children know and respect that... But, I'm also not my children's enemy either.

My relationship with them develops, grows, and changes as they age. But the #1 principle that will always remain the same is, I'm not here to control them, I'm here to guide them...

We don't have rules other than to be respectful, kind, and have manners. But we do have limits and set boundries. 

But I feel, being respectful and being respected is the centrifuge of growth... Everything stems from that. My children are taught that they're not above anyone or anything -that includes personal property of their own and others... We save spiders in our home, donate to shelters and animals shelters and leave water outside for animals during the summer and blanket caverns for the winter months. My children smile and say hello to people passing by and hold the door for everyone. They strike up conversations with the check-out person and asks them, "how is your day going?" They sit by the child who is alone at school and my 3rd grader will sit with kindergarteners on the bus and talk with them, as if they're all the same age.

My children are raised with a mother who can only be best described as my spirit sister, Beverly Goldberg, from the TV show, The Goldbergs…

And, it's hard for me to understand why someone wouldn't want to be so involved in their children's lives -just like it's hard for other's to understand how I can be...

And, it's perfectly OK to have different parenting styles, as long as love and respect are the main focus of your strategies. As long as discipline is coming from the heart and not because you're angry in the moment. As long as your child(ren) feelings aren't being dismissed because, you don't want to be bothered that day. And, as long as you're not bullying or shaming your children... And seriously, nothing is that detrimental to spank your child, unless they're burning kittens in the backyard -and then at that point, I think again, you need to reevaluate a lot of other things... 
Because eventually, these emotions and feelings that these children are experiencing from their loved ones, who they love unconditionally and trust implicitly, will negatively reappear later on... And these children will be my children's peers. 
So, that does affect me.

It's almost 2019, and when we know better, we can do better... And, I'd bet a lot of parents just continue to do things the way it's always been done, because they just don't know anything different. 
They aren't being mean or malicious.
The concept of children having rights, opinions, and their own thoughts goes against everything our parent's passed down to us.

That's why I'll always continue to jump onto a thread and share my perspective (and take the verbal abuse because, I know change is hard). Not to say I'm right and you're wrong. But, just to educate people that there is another way - there is always, another way. 

A way which is child-centered and has a nurturing growth process...

*Disclaimer: I understand there are always exceptions to every rule or idea. And, some children have disabilities and/or extenuating circumstances... This is just my opinion based on my education, my life experiences, and experiences from my past profession.

To my baby boy... The kindergartener.

It's raining, yet again... 
This weather displays the image of how I feel on the inside. 
It's been a week since you started kindergarten, and I've been home without you. 
You've been sitting in a new place, that is filled with things that are different from what you're used to.
There are new sights, people, and that odd cafeteria smell that seems to stay with you, twenty years later.
There are sounds of unfamiliar voices and the squeak of brand new shoes on the newly waxed floors.
You are hearing the way your name sounds through the crowded playground. And I'm sure it sounds completely different, than it does at home.
You will learn about hand raising and taking turns.
You will learn that not everyone is raised the same way and reacts the same.
Some of it you know.
And others, you wish you never knew.
You will learn the basics and you will learn about life.
You will have that phase where I am the most important person in your life. Then eventually, your friends will be.
You will try out every size and shape wings, until you find the pair that was meant for you all along...
I look around and see five years of memories... And, I have loved every minute of it.
I remember so clearly, when you were a baby. I would carry you in your burnt orange colored sling and dip my chin, to kiss the top of your head. A head that is full of beautiful ideas, big dreams, and plans for adventures.
I'd sway back and forth, singing to you, as we attended one of your sister's many activities -and you were always happy to go along for the ride.
I begged for time to stand still.
I swore my heart couldn't handle both of my children aging at this rapid pace.
But I know, time can't stand still. Instead, the heart finds a new way to accept all the impending changes.
And learns to love all of them, even more...

Sometimes, the first day of school really surprises you...

Last night, you laid out your favorite outfit and packed all your essentials in your backpack. We read our traditional, The Night Before, stories and rested on your bed, as we talked about 3rd grade. 

You were stretched across your twin bed, the same bed you slept on since your first birthday -It's hard to imagine how little space your tiny body used to fill up on this bed. And now, I have to squish myself next to you, in order to fit. 

I rubbed your long blondish/brown hair, as we reminisced about all your school years prior. You giggled when you talked about how you would cling so tightly to me, like it was ancient history. And now, I only get a quick rendition of our secret handshake.

I said, I remember kneeling on the pavement in front of the school doors, eye level to you (as children and staff passed by us), and I would tell you how brave you were. And your sobbing would stop just long enough, to acknowledge the truth in that statement.

But years later, today, you walked in without a care in the world. No fears. No tears. Your friends yelled to you when we walked up, and you ran over to them... This moment, was the moment I wrote about in a blog post all the way back when you were still in kindergarten.

And instead of clinging tightly to me, you grasped tightly onto your little brother's hand. You outstretched your arm, when you noticed his hesitation, and you leaned down eye level to him, and gave him a pep talk. The same way, I used to do for you... Then, when those infamous door opened up, you pulled him close to you and walked him down to his classroom, like the best protective big sister you are.

It's like, one minute you're little and scared -Frantically searching for mommy to cling to... And in the blink of an eye, you're big and making sure your little brother doesn't ever feel the same fears that you once had.

It seemed that, overnight, you matured yourself.

And luckily for him, you're there every step of the way. Being more than just his sister, you're each other's best friends.

When JoJo Siwa became a meme... One mom's persepective...

Recently, JoJo Siwa tweeted out that she wanted to become a meme... From a sheltered, 15 year old girl, who only wants to see the good in this world, I don't think she thought the whole process through...

I don't think she realized that the internet brings out the worst in so many people.

And long story short, the memes turned out horrible...
Like, really horrible...

I was reading a recent post from JoJo Siwa (as do all 36 year olds) on Instagram and it broke my heart...

Here is a screen shot of the post I'm talking about...

And here are some comments...

Can we all agree that the internet has some immensely hateful people?

For those of you who don't know who she is, she's a Nickelodeon and YouTube pop star. She started out on the TV show, Dance Moms, and wore mega huge bows and brightly colored clothing to get noticed - it worked. Then, she released an awesome single, Boomerang -which she sky-rocketed from. 

She's 15 years old, but tries to keep a young persona. Mainly because, her fan base is pre-tween. She dresses young and loud, and wears her signature bows. She promotes kindness and her messages scream, to enjoy being a kid for as long as you can...

A message that is nowadays lost on most kids over the age of 10...

Sadly, people are berating her for dressing young. 

Saying, she should act her age...

But what does that even mean? To act 15 years old?

I was still playing with barbies and wore Punky Brewster style clothing at 13 years old. By 15, I was still trying to figure out who I was. 

I definitely wasn't as confident as JoJo is at 15 years old. I went to a city school, with a graduating class of over 300 kids -and it was very easy for me to get lost in the crowd, but I still felt like everyone was always looking at me. I'd never have the bravery to be who I wanted to be, no matter what anyone said about me, at only 15 years old.

Nowadays, 15 year olds act like they think they're 22. With a face full of thick make-up, short skirts, cut off shirts, and an attitude like they just did a dime upstate... 

Only, the majority of 22 year olds, don't even act like that.

My 8 year old daughter loves JoJo. Hell, I love JoJo. She reminds me of the 80's mall singing tweens that we all admired growing up - bubblegum style, who dressed young and acted their age and exuded positivity...

Kids are ranting and raving negatively all over social media - a complete mob mentality. Why? Because adults also do it all the time, that's why.

People are mean and heartless over the internet. They are using it as a mask, to pull out their inner dark side and be someone who they would never be in real life.

Kids are watching their own parents ridicule people all over the internet. Have you seen a thread about politics? Or vaccines? 

And, parents even think it's ok to shame their own children in photos and conversations, all over the internet.

Children are always watching and listening...

But, all of the sudden, you're not allowed to blame the parents... 

But then, where is all this originating from?? Bullying isn't something you're born with. It's a learned behavior...

Would society be ok if JoJo acted the way 99% of the commenters on her feed are acting. Does that show maturity, by cursing and shaming and bullying? Is that the way these kids see the world? How is that behavior normal, but yet, wearing glittery pink clothing and bows isn't?

That's a sad reality for kids.

But not for mine though.

At 15 years old, I really hope my daughter embodies her persona. I hope she embraces her confidence to be whoever she wants to be, even when you're the minority. I hope my daughter is still satisfied with being with her family, hanging home, dressing young, and not partying it up with boys...

I hope she's not wearing thick make-up and posing with duck lips in a bathroom mirror and sharing the pictures all over social media.

I hope to god, she uses proper grammar and articulates her thoughts and doesn't dumb herself down to fit into this new age, young, social media culture...

Honestly, if my daughter was as bubblegum as JoJo is at 15 years old, I'd say I did something right as a parent, and I'll arrogantly pat myself on the back for it...

JoJo Siwa, this world needs more kids like you.

*So, let's use this as an example. 

Let's teach our kids that mean words hurt and they stick with us as we age... Let's teach ourselves that nothing in this world warrants adults to badger and ridicule other adults over social media, just because some have different opinions. 

We're all individuals and that individuality should be praised, not stuffed in a box hidden away somewhere, because society doesn't want to deal with it...

And all of this, starts at home, with the parents...

Sometimes, children act like children... A peaceful parenting response.

I sat with my legs crissed-crossed on the warm pavement in front of our fire pit. My hands were outstretched, holding onto a stick to manipulate the burning logs, as the sun dipped below the horizon. 

My children sat across from me on the blanket, laughing, as their faces were covered in smores.

I glanced over at them smiling, because I was truly happy to be in that moment with the both of them...

However, about 15 minutes before this, the image was completely different.

We love doing our fires on the patio. It's something we've done continuously since my children were very little. And, as they aged, we each took on a role in order for the fire to work. I'm positioned at the helm, starting the fire and keeping it afloat and my children are the stick gatherers. They fill the bucket with twigs to start the fire and carry logs to keep it burning longer...

One doesn't do more or less than the other...

However, on this particular day, my daughter wasn't having it...

They both wanted smores and a fire, even though it has rained for a week straight. But, I figured my survival skills are pretty decent and I could get a fire to start, even with wet logs. But, I wasn't sure how long I would be able to keep it going, as each new stick was more wet than the previous... Although I did get it started, I just couldn't keep it going, because my daughter wouldn't help her brother get more wood. And the wetness was overpowering my efforts.

She stayed on that blanket and wouldn't budge...

It was just one of those days in the life of a child... When you're either tired, cranky, or having emotions that you're just not sure of yet. But, it happens - Hell, I'm 36 years old and sometimes, I wake up moody - My children never need to explain to me when they're having an off day. I understand and I get it. I just want to help make it better...

But, when the fire quickly went out, she lost it. 
She cried. 
A lot... 

She just wasn't using any words to explain why she was crying...

So I knelt down in front of her, explaining that the fire went out because we were already working against everything being wet and we also needed more wood and that, it wasn't solely her brother's responsibility to go find more. She needed to help him, the way she always does (stick gathering is my daughter's favorite part of the fire)... 

We're all a team...

However, she was upset about something completely different, other than the fire going out -I knew that, I just had to get her calm to discuss it with her.

After snuggling close with her and talking, she finally stopped crying... And she told me, she didn't want to get the fire wood because, it wasn't as bright as it usually is and she was too scared to go near our woods... Which I was baffled by, because these two do it all the time and they make it so much fun. But nonetheless, I validated her fear -because to her in that moment, it was real...

And, I came up with a suggestion that the three of us go together to get enough wood to start the fire and make some smores...

Because, everyone deserves a second chance in life...

Of course, they both cheerfully obliged...

My point of this story is to stress that children are still going to be children... My daughter may be 7 years old and for most people, they'd expect the world from them. But, I only expect kindness, respect, and manners in my household... Controlling emotions is not something I expect at this age... 

My daughter still needs to be hugged, snuggled, and feel secure. She needs to be reminded that she's still a child every now and then - and there's nothing like a good ole' tantrum to bring that back to the forefront, am I right? 

Children need understanding and compassion. They need to know that they'll make mistakes and that's ok. Because making mistakes is how you learn and grow...

I don't assume my children do things intentionally to erk me or to upset me... Instead, I always assume something else is the culprit and I try to figure out how to fix it with them...

And, if I would have just punished her for crying and not offered a second chance, we wouldn't have laughed around the fire... She wouldn't have had the opportunity to discuss the problem with me and she wouldn't have learned how to make it right. 

She would eventually become too scared to come to me with small problems, so when big problems arise, she wouldn't trust me to help her later on.

Children need to know there is someone there that they can count on who will listen to their problems - instead of judging their every move.

Childhood is a time for learning. And parenting, is a time for teaching. They go hand in hand... Children will act like children, but parents need to act like parents -and guide, not react.

Of course, we all have off days - No one is perfect, not even parents... But then, that turns into a good teaching moment for a parent to show that mistakes happen but you accept it, figure it out, then move forward.

The rest of the night ended with us telling silly stories around the fire... And, my children playing pretend Minecraft with their pick axe and swords... And us jamming out to tweener songs on the CD player.

And you know what? Years from now, when I'm thinking about that night, I'll only remember the fun times... I'll remember how little they once were. I'll remember how they can NEVER consume a smore without getting more than half of it on their face, hands, and legs. I'll remember their laugh when this mama got up to dance to JoJo's songs. And most of all, I'll remember when sitting around the fire with their mother, was the best thing in the world to them... 

...I'll never remember that silly tantrum...
Because that is only a blip in time, compared to the bigger picture.

Mid Week Humor: Relationship quizzes

I'm not sure what point of the relationship you're at when you're playing word searches every night, in bed, next to your husband. But I'm pretty sure, Facebook doesn't have quiz results on that one... Motherhood.

The Happy Days Blog