Reminiscing those days

When the house is quiet and the day finally concludes, I find myself sitting alone in front of my computer scrolling through old photos of my daughter growing up. I was never this sentimental when it comes to my children. However, as my son is maturing and soaring through milestones, it makes me reminisce the days when my daughter was a baby. The days when things were easier, there were more cuddles, and the days were more productive.

As time passes and my children grow older, I find one of the harder parts is allowing them to be their own person, something I strive so hard to create. I never realized how easy it was then they were younger -They do what their told and follow your every step. However, when they reach preschool age, they develop an opinion. I believe this is where people label defiance, where I see their own personality.

I struggle with my daughter saying no to me. I struggle with her walking off to view something she wants. I struggle with not being able to carry her to the car when I'm so desperately in a hurry.

Life was much easier when you were the center of their universe and cartoons couldn’t raise a candle to you.

Life was also much easier when my daughter didn’t talk so much. Never in my life have I needed a “time out” to collect my thoughts from being asked thousands of questions a day. Everything is “why do they do that?” Why do you think they did that?” Why would they do that?” You get the picture.

I laugh to myself now because once upon a time I used to have the TV or children’s songs playing in the background to create noise because the house was too quiet. Now the silence is filled with my daughter yelling to get her brother out of her room, with my son whining because he wants to play with his sister, or both of them seeing who could yell the loudest (I still haven’t figured out why this is so much fun).

I find that my days seem much more scattered. My productivity rate is down 70%. I used to read to my daughter a thousand times a day, with my son, I am lucky if I read three times a week. My daughter had over a 20 word vocabulary at a year old and was singing nursery rhymes at 16 months. My son is 16 months and doesn’t say more than “hot” (of course other than momma and dada). With my daughter, I used to sit and go over word flash cards with her, whereas with my son, I can’t seem to find the time to sit on the floor.

I could remember watching a cartoon and cradling my daughter with her sheet and Curly Shirley (her favorite doll) until the whole show was over, now it lasts about the first 5 minutes until she gets up and moves onto something else.

I never thought I would be one of those parents longing for the days before, but now that they’re gone, I can’t seem to shake the feeling I’m missing something. That uneasy feeling I get when “ba ba black sheep” comes on the CD player, because it was the first song my daughter ever sung to me.

It just seems like it all went by too quickly… Like, it doesn’t even make sense that I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old.

Of course, there will always be new memories and milestones created, but there will never be those monumental firsts again. She will never say her first words, or walk for the first time. But she will continue to develop and grow into this beautiful person that will have many more firsts of her very own.

But until then, I will huddle up in my bed and watch old videos and browse through pictures in the dark comforts of my room, reminiscing those days.