Birthdays bring reflection of past years...

I remember a time where I would cradle my daughter in my arms all night, rocking her back and forth, as she cried nonstop. I could remember the path my feet would take during those long hours. The steps would almost sound rhythmic under my tired body. I swore the night would never end, or the crying would never stop, and she wouldn't ever sleep a moment in her entire life. I felt trapped in a time where her colic ruled my life and it never felt like I would survive. 

But now, those memories feel like they belong to someone else. Like, they were told to me around a campfire as people were exchanging ancient ghost stories. It felt as if I memorized them and now, I hold onto those memories with no direct connection to myself.

I can no longer feel myself in that place. I can't feel the tiredness I felt over those long nights. Or the sadness I felt when I couldn't make her feel better.

Because as life has it, too much time has passed since then.

All those infant memories were pushed aside to allow for the magical moments that paved way for the wonderful little girl who now encapsulates my everyday. 

However, these days have come and gone quicker than I can memorize them. Each day is more fleeting than the last. 

I feel the rush of childhood whizzing by at an alarming rate.

Her personality has stayed the same over the years, which helps me hold onto something concrete, when her interests change like the weather.

When I scroll through my camera roll, I'm saddened by the current images of her. I no longer see the little infant I used to rock in my arms. Instead, I now see a little girl who is ready to take on the world. 

Her maturity makes her almost unrecognizable from her past years, but when she holds tightly onto my hand right before she falls asleep, I know she's still the same little baby I used to rock all night long. 

But, the rocking has been replaced with long before bedtime conversations. And her conversations have become deeper. She is more aware of the world we live in. She talks politics, history, and loves to watch the science channel with her daddy, then tell me all about it.

Her brother has become her best friend, which was a growth milestone I have been waiting for, which felt like forever.

And, she has one of the kindest souls I've seen in a child.

With that, the realization of my time of motherhood has been the most fleeting experience I have dealt with to date. 

But, as much as I would love to freeze time and savor the moments, I'm glad time moves as it does. Because, with time, brings change. And change brings growth. And without growth, I'd still be in the same nursery, rocking my colicky baby all night long.

And, I wouldn't have had these past 6 years of my daughter's life to enjoy the journey of how we arrived here. I wouldn't have been able to move beyond the frozen moment to see what the next wonderful stage was patiently waiting for me.

And it's all these smaller moments that build the bigger picture of her life. So when the days are tough and long. Or amazing and fleeting. I have every detail of her life to look back upon. And with those moments of reflection, that's when, I can't believe how much time has passed.

Eventually, you're sitting around a party table with not only family, but school friends as well, and you're all celebrating her 6th birthday -and you can't believe you are here.

But, the gratitude of watching her grow, buries the sorrow I feel for father time. 

My sadness of feeling like her childhood is quickly fading, turns to anticipation of what all her years will bring.

And through it all, I not only have the privilege of viewing her life, but I get to live it with her. I get to watch as each year, she becomes more like the adult she will eventually be. 

And that, is something I can thank father time for. 

Mid Week Humor: Sink baths

Do sink baths ever live up to their expectations? Because in my home, they always felt like I was trying to plug up an open fire hydrant... Motherhood.

www.jackyhappydays.blogspot.com

*You can join the conversation by adding your parenting humor to the comments below. Or add the hashtag thehappydayshumor to any of the social media sites that I belong to.*

A bad day happens every now and then...

Today concludes one of those days... 

The day where my children and I bumped heads all day. 

Every time they pushed, I pushed back. Which seemed to last all eternity, as the clock slowly ticked by. I started sentences with, "why did you do that?" With already knowing the answer. 

And, both of my children fought with each other and tears were shed from all parties involved, myself included...

Once the chaos descended and our bedtime routine was nullified, I sat for a few extra seconds beside my two sleeping children and the soundless air was too difficult to breathe.  

It's in that moment, the calmness of their sleeping faces tugged at my heart strings. 

I know the whole routine of parenting and I know the drill to peaceful parent, I live it everyday. Peaceful parenting is the only method we have engulfed our lives in and it works wonderfully for us. But some days are more difficult than others. 

On those rare "off" days, my patience is tried and stomped on and thrown to the wolves. And I hold my composure and handle the uncertainties with ease. But when the attitudes from my children starts at noon, then by five, my brain is a cluster of chaos.

And it isn't until they are both calm and laying in their beds waiting for their beloved stories, that I begin to decompress. Then the guilt floods my thoughts... Thinking, how I should have had that extra second of patience when my daughter asked for her fifteenth item in the row. Or when my son decided to empty out the third bin of cars/batman guys/play food onto the floor... I should have smiled and said I'd help with clean up. Or set up cups for my daughter to get her own drinks. 

Ha! But, I'm not sure Mother Theresa always had THAT much patience either...

But, it's in that moment, when their one eye is half openly gazed at me, I emotionally collapse and tell them how mommy is sorry for the way she reacted. How mommy is the adult and should have the patience and understanding to allow both of them to make their mistakes. Because, they are the ones with the premature brain and have the inability to control their impulses. Mommy is the one who knows better. Mommy is the one who is supposed to guide them through their mistakes. Not add to them. 

My parenting change began years ago, when I stopped focusing on my children's behavior, but instead, focused on the way I reacted to their behavior. Instead of always assuming what my children could have down better, I immediately think what I could have done better. And nobody gets it right all the time... Even if they know all the right things to say and the right ways to act. 

But, anytime I make a mistake of any kind, I tell them. I explain what was wrong and what should have been done differently. And how mommy ALWAYS loves them. Despite their awful days. 

So, when they eventually fall asleep, I erase the image of my short fused day and their constant need to push my buttons, and move on. I lay next to them and think of the good points the day offered. How, when I was upset, my son held my hand and told me how much he loved me. And, how he wanted "lots of hugs forever." Or, when my daughter told me she was thankful for all the things I do for her. And how we managed to get bike riding into our day to attempt to burn the wild energy.

And maybe in hindsight, the kids could have used a nap.

And maybe mommy too.

But nonetheless, tomorrow is a new day. A day filled with lots of hope of better behavior from my well rested children, and fun adventures with the two people I love more than life itself.

And to you parents who are reading, know that there will always be bad days thrown into the mix. Children have been trying the patience of parents since the dawn of time. And parents have been losing their cool equally. But, know that it's an ideal parenting opportunity to teach your children that even adults aren't perfect and make mistakes. And, a good person will always admit when they're wrong and will always do better at the next chance.

So for right now, I'll sit in the quiet, concluded night. Eat my cupcakes with my tea and binge watch The Kardashians. 

And eagerly await to hug my children in the morning.

Bike riding without training wheels

With summer break on the downward slope to conclusion, we have been trying to fit everything we could possibly think of into our days. Our weather has been strangely hot and breaking records for the most days above 90 degrees in a row. So, our outdoor activities have been limited to after 4:00 pm.

With everything being already checked off our summer list, I decided to throw my daughter a curve ball and have her learn to ride a bike without training wheels. She eagerly obliged and didn't even know she was excited about learning, until I mentioned it.

She held onto those training wheels for security, even though I always knew she could ride without them. So me being me, I let her keep them as long as she wanted. And allowed her to be free of them when she felt she was ready to, and not a minute before. But, I would occasionally mention taking them off, just to see where she was at. Which was usually met with a great big no. But this time, she was brave and her ninja skills came through to boost her confidence enough to try it out. 

So I unscrewed the support wheels and loaded the newly found "big kid" bike onto the trunk bike rack. And just like that, we were on our way to her school's parking lot to achieve this monumental milestone.

Before I could process how we would go about learning to ride sans four wheels, I took a moment to breathe in my once little girl. The memories of her wild hair blowing behind her as she completed her fifteenth lap around my dining room table on her once beloved tricycle, flooded my forefront. Now, too many years later, she stands before me straddling a two wheeled bike and ready to conquer anything.

My heart pulled into my chest...

And I knew, this is on me. This is always going to be my issue about not wanting her to age, but for her, she loves learning new things and growing. So I allowed the memories to pass through mind, one at a time, and I smiled while relieving them, even if it was just for a moment. 

So, I walked over to her as she was loading up her best friend stuffed animals and dolls into her basket. Then, she continued to walk along the pavement, while straddling her bike, until she understood the balancing concept.

Within a few minutes, she was pedaling with my one hand on her seat for balance, then the next minute, she was pedaling on top speed around the empty parking lot all by herself. 

She rode up to me, used her pedal breaks, dropped her bike, then jumped into my arms expressing her gratitude about her new skill. 

Her smile was equivalent to Christmas morning. 

And so was mine. 

So I stood in that empty parking lot, with the sun beating down on me, while I watched her pedal and learn to maneuver her bike with ease. My son was riding his big wheel alongside her for support. Then, it turned into a game where she was would ride close to him and say, "come and catch me," then ride off. Which he would try for a few feet, then wander off on his own. 

We continued to go back to the empty parking lot each day the weather permitted. And each day, her confidence grew. 

And I loved getting the front row seat, watching her smile, as she learned to do something new. 

And just like that, my 5 year old learned to ride her bike fluently on only two wheels. She's growing up quicker than I can freeze the time. And realistically, I know time will never stand still. But in my life, I am taking every opportunity I can to relish in all the details because I am aware of how quickly everything changes minute to minute. 

So when I say I want to freeze time, I mean, I want to take not only a memory photo of what I'm witnessing, but I want to remember the way the air smelled, the way she felt, and the way I felt in each moment. 

A slip and slide kind of day

Last night after my softball game, I headed to our local store to buy pool filters that were on sale. I was just there a few days earlier and they had over a dozen left, but I thought I had a back-up set in my basement, so I unfortunately decided against buying them. Which in hindsight, I didn't have an extra set. Then, when I went back to the store, they were sold out. 

Of course they were. 

Story of my life.

But, while I was there, I scanned through the summer items that were 40% on clearance. Among them were some fun pool things like dive sticks, floaty balls, noodles, arm swimmies, etc. But, sitting alone on the shelf was the dented box of a slip and slide. Dented or not, this sucker was only $6.00, and I had to have it. 

Before I went to sleep, I left the box sitting out on the kitchen counter so it would be the first thing my children saw when they woke up. Ironically, we were playing with the hose earlier that day and I was telling them stories about the fun memories I had of a slip and slide. So it was just story book that I happen to buy it that evening. 

And like clockwork, my children squealed with excitement when they saw the box sitting on the counter. My daughter was the first to figure it out and then she had to describe what it was to her brother. I heard all this, from my bedroom. 

Then, it became a game for them to eat their breakfast like they were participating in a food challenge of how much can you eat, in the shortest amount of time, so they could get outside to try out the slip and slide.

So, before the storm made it's way to our area, we set up the slip and slide in our backyard, with the gymboree parachute added onto the end, for an extra ramp. 

It took them a few tries to understand how to do it. But, with a little "push" from mama, they got it. And they had more fun with that slide than I've seen any child have with anything.

Then of course, it became a race to see who could reach the parachute the fastest. 

Oh, and of course, I had to try it too...

I must say, my daughter took a good picture... Although, I would have loved to see the picture if she hesitated a few seconds and snapped it as I went through the water... That. Would. Have. Been. Hysterical.

Mid Week Humor: The laws of Motherhood

The laws of motherhood almost guarantees the word, "mommy," to be shouted immediately after sitting down... And also, when the phone rings... And especially, during an important conversation with your husband... Motherhood.

www.jackyhappydays.blogspot.com

*You can join the conversation by adding your parenting humor to the comments below. Or add the hashtag thehappydayshumor to any of the social media sites that I belong to.*

Camping, Amusement family fun

My children have literally talked about this camping/amusement park trip weekly, since we booked it back in February. My daughter had a countdown on her Kindle and showed it to me with the same excitement as Christmas morning. She would occasionally pull out the amusement park map and spread it out on the floor, so her and her brother could plan out their course of action when we get there.

So the day finally arrived... 

Neither child slept the night before and they woke us up way earlier than planned. The sun was barely above the horizon and I swear, I would have cried if I had to be awake for the rest of the day. Thankfully, they were talked back down to sleep, in our bed, for another hour or so longer. But, not before they chatted in rapid fire about what they were doing first when they got there.  

After the false start, we packed our car, ate breakfast, then drove our way to the campsite that awaited for us. 

I have been going to this amusement park since I was 7 years old. It's a lovely vintage park that is nestled among the trees and hidden from the streets. The admission is free and you could either obtain a ride all day handstamp, or pay as you go, or just sit and watch on the quaint benches that are scattered throughout. My husband and I started taking my daughter here when she was newly two and I was very pregnant. And just like that, this place has become a family summer/fall tradition among our lives, just like it was among mine. 

Last fall, for the first time, we rented a cabin in their campground, which is inside the park. We had such a wonderful experience that we had to do it again. It's a lovely concept because, you could come and go as you please and ride and eat at your convenience. But we only stayed for 2 nights and everything felt rushed. This year, we booked it for 3 nights, so we could experience camping, use their pool, and ride the rides without feeling like we're racing against the clock.

Our days were still a constant go, like all vacations are. Children are so very excited to do everything they can to maximize their days. And as parent's, you want them to have the very best memories possible. So, by the end of the trip, the adults were very robotic. We broke each day up between the pool and the park, meaning, we spent a few afternoon hours swimming, then came back to the cabin to change our clothes and ate, then finished the night off at the park, riding rides from 5:00 pm on.

I must say, I'm very lucky with my children, because whenever we're on vacation, they are always on their best behavior. Of course, in the past they had typical "toddler tantrums" but nothing like I've seen from other passing children. They were content to do whatever anyone wanted and to move at a slower pace. However, there were no tantrums on this trip and no whining from either child, which was the first time that has happened yet.   

The temperatures ranged from low to upper 90 degrees each day we were there. The pool was wonderful, but not as wonderful as the splash pad. Every place should only have a splash pad. They are a remarkable play area for children of all ages, my husband and myself included. As my regular readers know, I'm a very hands on parent. I play with my children and engage in their day to day lives. I'm not only watching their childhood unfold, I'm participating in it. So at the splash pad, my children and I played games, swam together (which must have been a sight watching an adult female who is 5'7" pretend to swim in a foot of water), and they chased my husband under the waterfall. We had fun. Lots of fun. 

Our park days were repetitious, riding all the same rides over and over again. My husband went on a ride where it dropped multiple stories, and his facial expression on a zoomed camera was priceless. I didn't get a chance to ride adult rides, I only rode the ones with my children. My son rode the ferris wheel for the first time and loved it. My daughter had several false starts with riding the roller coaster and even stood in line during the final hours of the evening, but couldn't brave it. My son on the other hand, absolutely loved it and rode it 5 times in a row. He threw a fit, begging to go on and I thought he wasn't ready to do it, but I was wrong. So wrong. By the second turn, he had his arms high up in the air like all the bigger kids. I have to say, I was impressed. Last year, he only liked the much slower paced rides. You know, the little boats that run like 2 mph. But this year, he stepped out of his shell and even rode rides that his sister wasn't on. Which would never have happened any other year. 

My daughter continued to ride every ride at the park that wasn't a roller coaster, however, I think she may have had some water in her ear from all the constant swimming over these past weeks because, she became dizzy after riding some spinning rides like the tea cups. But hey, I'm 34 years old and I can't ride anything that runs in a circle, so I get it. But she was sad that she had trouble riding her two favorite rides, the himalaya and the scrambler. Both spinning rides. And both made her sick. So we moved on and didn't attempt to ride those two rides again through the duration of the trip. I told her how sorry I was for her that she had trouble and I know she was looking forward to riding them, but we're coming back in the fall and she could try them again at that time. Instead, we rode the ferris wheel like 500 times, per her request, and she was content with that.

During the second day, when her brother was stroller bound eating a pretzel, she helped a younger girl on a ride and decided to sit with her so she didn't feel scared. These two girls rode a few different rides that we right around us within a half hour time frame. Then, they moved onto the bumper cars and waited a few turns to get first pick of the two pink cars. But, my daughter hopped out of her car to help the younger girl with her seat belt, some random girl jumped in the pink car behind my daughter. There was only a blue car left. So my daughter looked at me sadly and I spoke loudly across the ride to her, hoping the parent's of the car stealing girl would hear me, and said, "that's ok baby, I'm proud of you for putting kindness first and helping the girl with her belt. It's ok that you lost your long awaited pink car in the process. You could always ride again to get the same car, but good deeds are better than a ride." So we walked back into line, because the parent of the child didn't come over and tell their daughter to switch cars, or the parent's weren't even watching, which seemed to be a common theme. While waiting in line, the staff came over and handed my daughter a lemonade voucher because she was impressed at my daughter's kindness and said, "kindness should always be rewarded." My daughter was very thankful and hugged the staff lady. I was grateful for her to reinforce what I said. 

Then, she bought her lemonade right after the ride was over.

We ended the last day by sitting on the benches that surrounded the imagination theater and waited for the play to start. We do this every year and each year, they have different stories. Here, everyone gets to join in by dressing up and silently acting out the parts of each character, while the narrator tells the story over a microphone. My daughter and I were mermaids and my husband and son were pirates. They loved it! And I think my husband did too, as he usually does. It's the same pattern every year, my husband says, "no, I'm not participating." Then my children say, "please daddy!." And then he dons the outfit. It's a pretty simple routine. 

After the play was over, we walked our tired selves back to the cabin, where we were thankful for strollers, fresh squeezed lemonade stands, and the 3 days we had to create such wonderful memories. 

Throughout motherhood, I've found that taking family vacations has become different each year. Because each year, my children are constantly aging and changing. And for me, it's hard to witness all the differences a single year brings. Last year, my son barely rode anything and clung to his sister's shadow. This year, he was a thrill seeker and independently sought rides. My daughter was always the hyper one who eagerly sprung from ride to ride. Whereas, this year, she was quieter and patient. 

They both enjoyed hanging outside the cabin and playing with their toys, without rushing everyone. And trying to warm themselves up under the pine tree because we couldn't regulate our thermostat. They were OK with jumping in the campground pool that was apparently just filled with hose water. And laughing when daddy jumped in first, thinking it was much warmer than it actually was. My daughter patiently helped her brother pan for gems and fossils and was very animated and loving when her brother found gold. And she held him close when they were both on the little whipper and he wanted to put his arms in the air. 

They acted like grown ups, and that tugged at my heart strings. 

I'll never be OK with them aging. It's just something I have to live through. Thankfully, with being a sahm, I don't see the changes that happen because, I'm always with them. It isn't until they're compared with previous events, that makes me want to savor time even more. So I was the mom, who took too many photos and videos that I know I'll scroll through during the darkness of night. I'll sit at my computer with my cup of tea and cupcakes and tear happy tears at the thought of how much fun we had together. And how I know next year, they'll be even more grown up. 

Because that's what vacations should do, they should be a happy, memorable experience that leaves the images and vocals imprinted in your brain and keeps you yearning for more days just like the ones you had.

** As always, thank you so much for your continued support. I enjoy reading your comments and seeing your likes and follows. Instagram is my main account that I use. I try to post daily. And when I do, I post a photo and tell a little story about it. So head over there and like my page, the_happy_days , so you could keep up to date with my Happy Days. Thanks again! **