Sometimes there just isn't enough candy

Confession? I sometimes find parenting very difficult –not difficult like an account during tax season, but more like an Alaskan crab fisherman during the winter months. Sometimes there just isn’t enough candy in the day to bribe with and begging for the whining to stop doesn’t hold much ground. Sometimes, the vision of speeding off in the car, fist clenching, wild eyed, with my hair blowing in the wind seems more like a dream.

  

I realize I am blessed with my three year old, because she is a really good girl –but she’s still three years old. Meaning, she is testing boundaries all the time, she’s opinionated (like her mommy), and she tries to dominate most situations (again, like her mommy). But a new phase has risen up, she is constantly whining –over anything and everything. And after 12 + hours of hearing it, I’m willing to give her a whole bag of chips to take into her room and quietly eat them by herself. My son, who is approaching 11 months, has become my appendage. If I even turn my back to him the slightest, he screams bloody murder as if I left the room. So here’s a typical scenario, I have one child who is whining about wanting a drink this second –not two seconds, and while I’m getting that drink, I have my son screaming because I’m facing the refrigerator. This happens VERY frequently throughout the day.

I also feel like there isn’t enough time in a day to get everything accomplished that needs to be done. I am ridden with guilt that sometimes I can’t spend all the time I would like to with my children –especially my daughter who feels it the most. With being a stay at home mom, I have to do everything, besides raise the kids. After breakfast, I’m usually baking or steaming or boiling foods for my son to consume (or for the household). Then when he goes down for his nap, I’m either cutting or blending those foods for storage. His nap time would be the perfect opportunity to spend quality time with my daughter, however, I find his naps are the only time I could get productive things achieved during the day. Thanks to my husband, I now take one night a week to spend quality time with just my daughter. We go to the bookstore for story time, then window shop at the toy store –she thinks she’s in absolute heaven when we do this, and that makes me feel even worse.

Then with all that stress ensuing, something miraculous happens. When I’m on the brink of my head exploding, my daughter must sense it, she then comes over to give me the biggest hug in the world and a sweet kiss on the cheek, ending with I love you mommy. She must also sense that I need to get things done at times, so she started encouraging her brother to join in and play -They are just starting to explore together. She quietly reads to him and shows him all that books have to offer. He chases after her in his walker as she speeds off on her big wheel. I stop whatever I’m doing and take a moment to watch these blissful milestones. Then the thought crosses my mind that this craziness is getting better. I will always get stressed out, but these two gorgeous kids will always keep me grounded.

Motherhood is tough and I didn’t believe that for a minute until I started living it. In my opinion, parenting can be as tough as you want it to be. If you take the time to not only be a part of your children lives, but to actually live it with them too, then you’ll reap so many rewards. I know all my children’s thoughts and emotions before they express them, I can anticipate their reaction even before they know how they’ll react –and they know the same with me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m stressed 5 out of 7 days a week, but I wouldn’t change that chaos for anything else in the world. I am beyond grateful that my husband is content with us living on one paycheck and coming home to a sometime frantic, still dressed in pajamas, wife. I love this chaotic lifestyle and I can’t believe I’m already 3 years into it. My children are my world and this world is just temporarily chaotic.