Time is a real crazy thing

Time is a real crazy thing. On some days, I can almost hear the second hand ticking away, while other days, 5 hours pass at a blink of an eye. I find myself going through old photos of my children, begging to relieve some days, while grateful others have passed. I try to savior the current moments, but time is so fleeting, I get lost in the days. What I have learned so far is that having a second child will absolutely, heart wrenchingly, make the time go by even faster.

While looking at my 3 year old, I notice she is a little girl, not a goofy, uncoordinated toddler anymore. I look at her with pride, but sometimes sadness, as comparing her to my son raises the realization of how much she has grown. It all snuck up on me. Kindergarten is right around the corner and that will be the start of her life without mommy right by her side, holding her hand -Being right there to answer any and every question that her little curious mind could think of. It a life that seems so far away that it’s unattainable, however, it’ll be here before I realize. Soon, I’ll just be a weekly phone call (if even that much) while she’s off enjoying college life with new friends.

I swear it seems like yesterday I was thinking how am I going to survive this colic? How will I possibly get this child to sleep more than 2 hour intervals? Or how will I finally be able to eat a meal without her clingy so desperately to my side. All the baby stuff is over with her, the round the clock feedings, diaper changing, worrying about what she is thinking, or what she is trying to tell me. It’s all gone.

As the journey begins anew, I think about the person she is at this moment. She’s a feisty 3 year old who doesn’t think twice about what she says, and she’s opinionated. But, she loves whole heartily. She is incredibly thoughtful, giving, and completely protective over her little brother. She doesn’t feel the need to conform to rules or please everyone around her. She is more of a tom-boy than anything else -She likes the idea of princesses, but would rather use a tool bench. She is a gross motor skills kid, loves the outdoors, and would swing on a swing for hours.

 She no longer yearns for my cuddles, she enjoys them, but it isn’t the soul of her existences. I sometimes have to trick hugs out of her by asking her to come over to me real quick, that’s when I snag one. She picks out her own clothes, and will use her voice if she is completely uninterested in wearing an outfit I already prepared. She’s not a baby anymore. She wants to be independent and explore the world around her.

As I say goodbye to the baby stages of my daughter, I now have to face reality again that my current baby isn’t even a baby either. My son is going to be a year old in a few days, he is now a toddler. He already has a vocabulary and is communicating effectively in his own way. He understands what I want and I understand his needs. He is a few steps away from independently walking –taking away one of the last of his dependent needs. He now interacts with his sister like they’re the same age. They play together, read together, and cuddle together. They love each other more than I could ever have hoped.

As time continues to progress, I hope that my children always remember how loved they are -How lucky they are to have a family unit with people who love them and will do anything in the world for them. I hope they will always feel safe and secure, while knowing they always have a place back home. I hope my daughter will always be feisty, but soft hearted at the same time and I hope my son’s smile will always be contagious.

I find that each stage will constantly be a new step of letting go, it will always be hard to watch them grow up, but I consider myself incredibly lucky that I have the opportunity to embark on these journeys with the both of them. I am their mother and that is one thing that will never change as the time passes.