New Years conclusion

My little family and I, all huddled around our living room coffee table as we played a competitive game of Candy Land. New Years Rockin Eve was playing loudly in the background and occasionally, my daughter would stand mid game and dance to one of the songs that was playing on TV. We laughed and cheered her on, like she was in a dance battle competition. My son consistently wanted his game piece to remain on the color green, because that's his favorite color, and my daughter would enter into a full fledged explanation on why that wasn't possible. I was playing the game in my fake, overdrawn, strong Italian accent and using the phrase, "forget about it" too many times. My husband brought up the point that somehow my daughter always ends up getting either the popsicle or the cinnamon roll (We're starting to think she has multiples stashed somewhere). Here it is, in black and white, my little family. In one little nutshell, all our personalities.

My children gathered their noisemakers and silly hats and prepared themselves for the upcoming countdown. They danced around and sang, all with complete and utter excitement on their faces. My daughter grabbed her brother's hand and twirled him and he would stop and fall into her, so she would hug him tightly. I happily stared at them, wanting to freeze time and realized that this motherhood gig is passing by at an alarming rate.

Each year that passes, brings new change. And of course change is good for some things, but so far, the majority of change that I have witnessed has been pulling at my heartstrings. That night, on New Years Eve, I saw a newly 5 year old and an almost 3 year old that are so much more maturer than this time last year. I saw two children who love each other beyond recognition, instead of seeing that once little girl who wanted her new little brother to leave. I saw a little boy who recently was non verbal and now is speaking just as much as his momma and sister (and asking the typical 500 questions a minute, toddler thing). Also, a big girl who is now a kindergartner and no longer a toddler. And, a little boy who now sits at the same desk his sister once did, when we do his homeschooling assignments. Including, two wonderfully polite children who are grateful for anything and everything and are becoming more self sufficient by the minute.

I could remember being in the trenches with a newly turned 2 year old and a newborn baby. Completely frantic and overwhelmed by the constant neediness and wondering if there would ever be a minute in which I could stop running from one task to the next. So here we are, a few years later, and sometimes my heart aches from the lack of neediness that they now display. I am such an enabler of a parent and have a constant need and want to baby my children, to do everything for them. I am a complete hands on parent and my children have become an extension of me. But, I have a daughter who also wants to do the same. She wants to learn how to be a "grown up" and do everything she can for herself (except when she's on the couch and wants mommy to get her cup which is on the floor in front of her). I then have a son who wants to be just like his sister and follows her lead and guidance with everything she does. So he's aging much quicker than I can handle. 

Once upon a time, my children flocked to me for fun, adventure, and play. Now, I find myself standing in the background as I'm listening to them playing and creating memories. I eventually cut in and try my best to include myself and thankfully, they're still at the age where they still accept mommy. But, I am realizing that at this rate, the need for mommy will decrease as the years pass. Then the image of Beverly Goldberg (from the TV show, The Goldbergs) arises in my head and I'm reminded that I do not want to be THAT parent. Although, it seems I'm already headed that way.

So, with 2015 closed out, I relish in the many memories it contains. I hold them close to my heart and save them for that rainy day. All the laughs, the hugs, the kisses, the milestones, the adventures, and the love. Admiring all the great things we have accomplished in one short year. All the vacations to Disney, the beach, our local amusement park (twice), camping, and countless day trips. I realize that this was the first year that all those trips were completely flawless. There were little to no "toddler meltdowns" and they both reminded me of little people, instead of babies. 

I sometimes laugh at myself for being so stressed out and overwhelmed during those earlier years, but I guess that's easier to say now that everyone is sleeping a full 10-12 hours a night. I also find myself being incredibly thankful for my role as a sahm and having the opportunity to savor all these wonderful moments. 

My children will obviously continue to age, as it's life's divine plan. But I have realized that every moment is the greatest moment. That no moment is too small or no moment is too large. Every moment and time spent with my children is a moment I want locked away in my mind, forever. And I know that 2016 will have even better moments for us to marvel in. 

...And I cannot wait.

Happy New Year to you and your family!  

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