My five year old daughter hasn't had an actual haircut yet. I have however, cut a few wispy pieces here and there over the years. And that time she got play-doh stuck in her ends. But, her original mane is still fully intact.
She wanted to cut her longer than tailbone length hair all the way up to her chin. However, when it came time to snip, I panicked and just wasn't ready for that much change in one sitting. So after negotiations ensued, I started by cutting off about 3 inches in one movement, then snipped a few more in passing, ending with about 7 inches removed total.
She twirled around in the mirror with delight smeared all over her face. She loved the new length and forgot about wanting to cut it even shorter. Even after the cut, it still hangs almost mid way down her back, below her shoulder blades. She hopped off the stool, quickly hugging me, before running off to show her daddy and brother the new do.
The bulk of her former hair rested in one heap on the bathroom floor. I scooped it up and gently held it in my hand. In that moment, I was holding some of her original baby hair. The same hair that I used to kiss upon her little head, or wipe out of her tearful eyes. The same hair that would be covered in baby food when she was learning to self feed. Or, draped in her eyes when she would sit among of pile of her favorite books when she pretended to read.
One little clump, that held so many stories.
I feel like motherhood is one constant change. And cutting off a whole mane of hair that took 5 years to grow, just wasn't one of my strength skills. And apparently, cutting the hair isn't really my thing either. After my daughter's hair dried, I had to call my step mother in law to come over and even the length out... By the time she was done, about 3 more inches were removed and it looked professional. So, when my daughter wants another hair cut, I know who I'll call first this time.
After awhile, I'll become adjusted to the change in length and maybe by summer time, when she spends her days swimming, I'll be able to have it cut to her chin length that she wanted. By then, it won't seem so drastic.
It amazes me how music, clothes, places, and various items each hold so many memories for us. How one little strand of hair can retain so much. And, be able to overpower us with emotions.
I know with my son, I didn't have a problem with his hair because, I have cut it so frequently. His hair grows like a weed, and even though I have his hair shaped like a 1970's bowl cut with a hint of curly wild hair, it still requires constant trimming. So when I stood behind my daughter, ready to snip that first strand, I wasn't prepared for the emotions that would come flooding back. To me, it felt like cutting that little wisp of hair was cutting away memories that I wasn't ready to let go of.
But as life has it, we are constantly changing and evolving. We are never stationary and nothing in life is permanent. In 10 years from now, she may very well pass by me with her hair cascading down past her tailbone once again. And I'm sure when I see it, I'll stop and do some awkward Beverly Goldberg (from the TV show The Goldbergs) mom stuff that will make her cringe.
So I have to chalk this experience up to growth and accepting that my children are moving creatures in this evolving world. And I'm sure, there will be many more moments that make me hesitate and long to retain just one more memory... But, that is all part of growing up.
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