Why do gender roles matter?

It’s amazing how two children are raised the exact same way, in the same household, with the exact same parents, but yet, are two completely different individuals.

Both of my children display very similar morals, ethics, and values (as much as a 4 year old and almost 2 year old can demonstrate), however their roles are almost completely reversed.

I wrote a mid-week about gender roles a few weeks back and I wanted to discuss a little deeper about my household…

…So in short, my daughter is more masculine and my son is more feminine.

My daughter isn’t afraid to sweat. She doesn’t get hurt easily or cries when she falls down, instead I hear a grunt and a, “I’m ok” as she moves on. Hugs and kisses are hard to obtain, I have to trick her to come over to get them -then she runs away. She gets down and dirty and is extremely athletic for how young she is. She could throw a ball further than most boys I know. She could play coach’s pitch baseball and hit the ball more times than she’ll miss. As most of my steadily readers are aware, my daughter is obsessed with American Ninja Warrior and goes to our local obstacle course playground and pretends she’s competing… And she’s able to utilize the course that is labeled for 6-8 year olds.

Her personality fits the athletic mindset, as she’s in a mode to strive to achieve greatness. She’s not ok with being average. She learns something and then gathers as much information as she can to further her knowledge. I always say, she was born talking and born to challenge everything.

Instead of playing with toys, she would rather read.

She would rather do puzzles, crafts, preschool learning books, and counting games.

She uses her kindle fire for only educational, preschool and kindergarten games –by her choice.

She wants to know everything life has to offer and never stops asking questions…

Never….

…Not even long to enough to breathe sometimes.

On a completely different side is my son.

My son is 4 months shy of 2 years old and is displaying a much softer side. He cries easily and is very cautious. He doesn’t get down and dirty –instead he wants his hands wiped constantly when they are dirty. He falls, he cries, in fact, I’d bet if he farted too loud he’d cry. He gets his feelings hurt and wants a hug to make everything better.

His personality is very laid back. He’s content with being mediocre.He doesn't challenge anything and accepts pretty much everything. He’s happy sitting alone in his bedroom playing with his cars and trains on the floor. He doesn’t need to be mentally stimulated, he only needs toys. He flips through picture books, but that’s only to find all the cars and trucks and pretend to run them across the floor like a toy.

He rarely talks.

He doesn’t do flash cards, or sit long enough to listen to books.

He’s completely disinterested in learning words or educational puzzles.

He loves his baby dolls. He loves rocking them and humming lullabies.

And he loves hugs and kisses.

Both of my children have the same foundation, but are completely different children. My daughter does have glimpses of her being a girl and my son does have glimpses of him being a boy. I see them when my daughter has her dress-up outfits on and when my son has an innate obsession with cars and trains. However, they are forming their own individual personalities based on their own likes, not what society pushes. That to me is the most wonderful part.

There shouldn’t be boys or girl’s toys, just children’s toys -Toys that any child can play with and not be looked differently upon. Toys that parent’s should be able to buy their children without some stranger offering input about the subject.

How it works in my house is, the toy they like, is the toy they get. It doesn’t matter that my daughter’s bedroom floor is blanketed with Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Octonauts, and Mike the Knight, or my son has a cradle with a baby doll next to Minnie’s bowtique in his bedroom.

I love watching them develop into their own person and not following the trend of what’s appropriate, because technically, what works for them is appropriate for them.

They are both loving, respectful children. I’m extremely lucky to have them be healthy and happy in their own light. Gender roles are irrelevant right now. Happiness is the focus. Being a parent, I am blessed with the unique opportunity to see my children start in one place and end in another. Sometimes the paths are the same, and sometimes the paths are completely different. Either way, as long as they are happy and successful, then this momma will be one happy momma.

Mid Week Revelation: Will I ever miss my son's whining?

I often wonder if I'll ever look back upon this time and actually miss my son's whining -You know, when he's a teenager and too cool to hug and kiss his mommy goodbye before he runs out the door with his friends... 

...hmmm, probably not.

It's a Cinderella birthday party

My daughter and I stood in front of our glass slider, watching the rain beat down on the numerous folding tables that were positioned in a royal display. The skies were dark as night and the seats of the chairs were puddled with water.

We sighed.

As I scrambled to display the last Cinderella detail, sweat beading on my skin from the excess humidity, I let out a deep huff of relief -Everything was finally in order.

My daughter's 4th birthday party  had to be executed inside due to ill-weather. But, that didn't stop this momma from transforming the house bright and colorful with an array of pinks and baby blues to match Cinderella -complete with a round table for a royal tea party. 

My daughter awoke much too early for my liking. I had a hard time prying open my one eye to see her jumping above me yelling the words, "I can't believe this day is finally here, I've been waiting so long for this!" In my head, I'm thinking, you're only 4, it hasn't been that long and please let me sleep until the clock reads a more functional time. But of course in reality, I smiled, pulled her in for a big hug and said "I know you have and you have been such a great girl this year." 

When she calmed down (to the best of her ability) I handed her the last gift from my husband and I. It was her very own Cinderella costume dress, to go with her Cinderella themed birthday party later that day.

The guests filed into our cozy home, handing her a gift, one at a time and wishing her a happy birthday. She was blessed with presents ranging from crafts to princess dresses.

However, the biggest surprise was about to happen. My husband grabbed the video camera and I took control of the snap shot camera, as we waited on the back stoop (there was a small break in the rain that allowed us to stand in the cool, breezy outside). Family's held their excited children close as everyone was waiting in anticipation.

Then it happened...

Cinderella, herself, walked up my driveway...

My daughter glowed and beamed from ear to ear -you would have thought it was Christmas morning with the amount of yells and shrieks she belted out. She didn't allow Cinderella to walk fully to the door before she jumped into her arms.

Cinderella brought a special necklace, her choker, to give my daughter, then ever so gently, placed it around her neck.

Completing her perfect Cinderella look.

My daughter repeatedly exclaimed, "thank you! thank you!" Without knowing what else to say. She looked in shocked, complete disbelief, that Cinderella was standing right in front of her.

Once she composed herself, my daughter led Cinderella to her bedroom, where we had a tea party table set up (that my daughter decorated herself). Cinderella decided to read a book to all the kids, allowing my daughter to sit on her lap the entire time. I have yet to see her sit that still for an entire book reading. After the book was read, she signed the inside front cover -with love, from Cinderella.

The party continued as normal parties do, with the exception of Cinderella being part of it. Happy Birthday was sung, cake was eaten around the royal table (while discussing Cinderella's adventures), face painting occurred, and a pinata was broken. 

My daughter's 4th birthday was a big hit.

She hugged Cinderella goodbye, with hesitation, as she didn't want her to leave. She wished her well and thanked her a million times for coming to her birthday party.

A memory was created and will forever be cherished.

Before my daughter's eyes closed for the night, she said whispered, "it was the best birthday party" she has ever had. Her painted face was still vibrant and her smile was just as fresh, as she fell asleep.

When the house was quiet, after all the remainder party garbage was cleaned up, I sat and flicked through pictures of the day. Already knowing, we are incredibly lucky to have such great family and friends who always attend my children's functions. They are always there to embark on new milestones and provide my children with beautiful things. But I must say, I'm VERY grateful I have such great friends on top of family. I had a vision of somehow getting Cinderella to my house (after researching companies who do princess parties and finding out that they didn't have sites near my hometown) and one of my best friends made it a reality. She went out of her way to help us and in turn, made one incredibly happy 4 year old.

Not only is my daughter lucky to have such amazing people in her life, but I'm also lucky that my close friends are always involved with my children as well. Our children will all grow up not only as friends, but as if they were cousins. It's nice to know you could always count on someone outside of family, being there to support you at all costs... That in turn, makes them family too.  

And my family is lucky to have all of them...

Mid Week Revelation: Gender specific

I've learned that gender specific roles are sometimes mixed in my home. On one aspect, I find my son gently rocking and humming lullaby music to his baby dolls. Then, I see his sister jumping around the house and mimicking the obstacles to American Ninja Warrior -all while yelling at the television with the same excitement and animation as my husband watching football. One child aspires to be a Ninja Warrior one day and I'm guessing the other just wants to be a loving father.

To not fit into one box

It's hard for me to imagine my daughter fitting into one mold. To have her adhere to unreal standards that are difficult for a child of her age. Ones that require robotic, schedule oriented methodology.

My daughter is active. That's a nice word for saying she talks and moves around a lot -I hate the word hyper, as that implies negative energy. She's like her mama, in that she gets bored easily, and not in a bad way either. She's just constantly striving to improve on skills and is determined to make something out of herself -a commendable skill.

She's not your typical child.

She interprets information differently than others of her age -she's an old soul. She relishes in simplicity and doesn't miss a beat. For example, she loves princesses, and not because of the tea parties and dresses, she loves them because of their deeper meaning. She's able to dissect each movie and point out what Mr. Disney was implying. She likes "how the dwarfs take in Snow White and care for her" as she cares for them. She likes "how Cinderella is still nice to her step mother and step sisters even though they are mean to her" and Cinderella's incredible love for animals. "How Belle still sees the beauty in the beast and isn't scared by him." 

By the way, my daughter isn't even 4 yet. 

Her mindset makes me sad that she has to be released from the shelter and safety of her home into the cruel, real world. Her mentality doesn't allow her to see evil in people, she doesn't understand when someone is being mean or mocking her. That's because she believes everyone is her friend and is kind. It'll be a sad day when that is no longer a reality.

As a parent, I would love to keep her in a bubble -away from harm. Because everyone being respectful to each other should be a reality, not a fantasy.

She sees things that an ordinary person would overlook. When I'm driving the same road every day, my eyes are focused forward, to get to the destination, ignoring the structures and objects that don't pertain to me. However, she's in the backseat, stopping to view every site. Everything is beautiful to her, as should they be, and she'll notice the details that I overlook...

The color of the flowers.

The scent of the air.

The direction the birds are flying (and their color).

How many mountains are in view.

How a decrepit house had beautiful windows, or a nice color exterior.

How the rocks are stacked.

How the green grass appears to go on forever.

Everything, is beautiful to her... 

I would love for her to be this way forever. 
To never become jaded and hardened to fit in this world. Instead, I would love for her to be soft and help soften the world. 

To be her own individual...

And never be bullied into being like all the other children.

Children have the ability to start from scratch. They aren't born with evil, vindictive personalities, those are acquired through learning. Every child is a new beginning to make a change in this world. To help establish appropriate morals, values, and ethics.

To not fit into one box. 

I personally take the time to teach my children these good traits. To appreciate all life has to offer, whether big or small. To be respectful in every aspect and to mind their manners -and no one is beneath them, not even insects. 

If people started to accept everyone for who they are and not try to fit everyone into a certain box, then we would be more kind individuals. If someone where to label my daughter as hyper, because she doesn't fit the trend, then they would miss all the wonderful things she has to offer. Seeing that everyone has something important to share. But, when someone is pushed to believe and follow the trend, then you miss the opportunity to see it. And it might be a world changing event.

Mid Week Revelation: You have ears

My daughter says 9 million words a day... It's hard to listen to every single one she says, especially when I'm trying to have an important conversation with my husband. I paused and told her, "give mommy and daddy a second, because we can't hear you right now while we're talking." She responds with, "but you have ears and you could listen out of them." Touche kiddo... Touche.

Weekend festivities

Saturday we spent the evening at my husband's big family gathering. All of his dad's side was there, even the out of towners stopped in -crashing at people's houses. It was an all weekend party with events scheduled at certain houses, occurring at different times. Saturday evening was hosted at my husband's aunt's house. This was a very significant party, as it was the first time everyone was together after my husband's uncle had passed. 

However, the mood was calm, with cheerful conversations. Children laughing in the background -Or crying, as the evening turned late. People of all ages sat around the fire and shared stories of how different the party was without the Patriarch sitting at the head. He wasn't there to tell jokes, be sarcastic, or see all the kids and how much they have grown.

It brought a somber mood, as reflection appeared to be the main objective. But the energy was eventually uplifted with the positive memories that were being summoned. 

There was an incredible amount of people there to shift your mind to something else. So many out of town family members telling their life stories -updating everyone.

An event like this had to be documented. So they hired a photographer. Something that had me stressing about since before we arrived. 

In my mind, how was a professional photographer supposed to take a picture of about 50 people? With a big amount being young children. 

Well, I'm not sure I know the answer to that. But somehow it happened. 

When the photographs were being taken, everyone herded their children into place -with most of the 3 year old's screaming bloody murder, mine included. The adults behind the camera were jumping around like fools in every attempt to make these children smile... Some worked, others not so much. At one point, I had to hold both of my kiddos on my shoulder/arm and hide behind the bigger kids, when they wanted a group photo of the youngest generation -Of course, my children wouldn't cooperate and that forced me to hide in the background, while reassuring my kiddos that I was right there... 

They still cried.

Somehow, even with all the hysterics, the silver lining is that these are memories being made. Memories are being created with family and eventually my children will grow and crying won't be an issue anymore, hopefully -and at least I'll have this time on record.

When you have a huge gathering of family, different generations of all ages, the background noise is random. Just sitting on the step listening, you hear funny conversations, happy ones about pasts, new ones about milestones, and future ones about longing. You also hear the toddlers crying about not getting the proper color glow sticks, or not the same amount of marshmallows as the other kid, or the fact that their standing, instead of sitting. 

That's the change now-a-days as parent's of young children. BBQs and gatherings are not a social event for us. When you look around, you see the parent's of older children (who paid their dues) sitting contently and chatting the time away. My husband and I weren't able to have a conversation with family. I wasn't able to chat about all the good things in life. At one point, I attempted to eat a plate of food -The horror, I know. My daughter was off playing with her cousins that were the same age and I strapped my son in the Ergo on my back. That allowed me the opportunity to eat standing up -and very quickly, as he was whining because he wanted to get down to play on the steps. He didn't even want to play with the kids, he just wanted to walk up and down the steps for infinity. 

The closing of the night was easy, as both of my kiddos were exhausted. I dressed them in their jammies and we said our goodbyes to all of our loved ones. Thankfully, we'll see them Sunday for a brunch at my in-laws house and we'll continue the last day of the weekend. 

My kiddos get one more opportunity to play with their cousins.

The car ride home was peaceful as both kids didn't say much. My daughter held tightly onto Curly Shirley and her sheet, while my son snuggled into his blanket and dog. The bright, round moon shined through the back windows allowing just enough light to skim their faces. My daughter's only spoken words were that she couldn't wait to see her cousin's again, as she had so much fun with them.

That is what this weekend was all about...

Family.

To have these children know who their family is and have them all meet. To have all the adults chat about the best parts of their day and to keep our chaotic lives as positive as possible.

To attempt to slow down our busy lives and congregate in one location.

Hopefully, this will be a constant. Hopefully, we'll have this as an annual event. So our uncle can watch from up above. So he can see how well all the family meshes and how much all the children have grown over the years. 

So this yearly event can put a smile on his face and keep his memory alive with everyone.

Because that is what life is all about... Family, even the ones that are no longer with us, but alive in our hearts.

Mid Week Revelation: The mind of a 19 month old

You sometimes have to giggle at the mind of a 19 month old... My son and I were looking at a picture book and we stumbled upon a picture of a wagon. Within seconds, he was signing the emotion excited, and his whining started to increase -Then it dawned on me what was happening and I said, "no silly, you can't ride that." To which he immediately deflated and said his famous "oh" word -Silly boy was actually considering his ability to ride it.

Everyday love

Laughs and belly laughs…

Giggles and snorts…

And utter silliness…

Conversations being had…

Conversations being heard…

Stories being read, stories being told…

Hugs and cuddles…

Snuggles and love…

With too many kisses…

There isn’t anything I love more than hearing these sounds… Living this life. My body stands still with the outside world whizzing past me. Time is obsolete. My time is different from others. My time as a stay at home mom is measured by the happiness of my children, not by what people tell me.

This is my identity.

My job doesn’t pay in money… It pays in hugs.

My annual report is determined how my children act and behave. When someone hands them something and they say “thank you” without any cues.  Or, when they say excuse me while walking past a group of people (or attempting to squeeze through). It’s measured by how they act in society and how much love they will bring into this world.

My time was well spent when I see my children content.

When they know mommy will move mountains to make them happy and fix anything they need.  Or, when they never have to second guess if I’ll be there to support them.

My life is complete when I know they are secure, not financially, but with comfort and love.

When they realize that no one will have their best interest like family. That mommy and daddy will always be in their corner and their sibling relationship will be their foundation for friendships to come. Luckily, my kiddo's bond is growing daily. My daughter is so eager to tell her brother all about the world, and he’s hungry to eat it all up.

My days are filled with this background noise -The sounds of two children enjoying life and each other. These two kiddos are learning how to share, play, and imagine with more than one person. They are learning life lessons by doing this simple task of participating in each other’s lives. They are learning how to be soft-hearted individuals due to not having to fight their way through the family tree.

I could sit in my chair, drinking my cups of coffee, and enjoy every second of these blissful sounds for a thousand years. I’m not sure when it will all end, but I know it’s just starting.