Motherhood and sharing

Throughout my motherhood journey, I am continuously learning a lot about myself. I'm in my mid 30s and still, I sometimes find myself a stranger in my own skin. I've learned that I have more patience and understand that I ever knew existed within myself. I've learned that I could love two little beings more than I love breathing. I've easily learned to put myself last and I've learned to mind my words, because words are more stronger than anything physical. I've also learned, I'm a completely different parent than I ever thought I'd be. 

However, my strong personality is sometimes a handicap with growth and development. I'm always trying to do everything myself and I don't like reaching out to others for help, unless I'm backed into a corner without much choice. Asking for help makes me feel weak, like I'm not doing everything I can to accomplish it myself. 

So, it's no wonder that in the 5&3 years of my children's lives, they have been in my possession 99.9% of the time, with the occasional stay at Nana and Poppy's house for only a few hours. I've always felt like they're my children and my responsibility. And quite frankly, I really enjoy being around my children and don't have an urge to get away from them. However, over the past few months, I've realized that reaching out doesn't mean I'm weak, it means, I'm sharing my children with my family members. And that concept makes it a little easier to swallow.

Looking back, some of my greatest childhood memories were with my grandparents. I could vividly remember all the love and attention my brother and I had while in their care because, they were retired and able to solely focus all their energy on us. I learned how to draw, color, and craft from my poppy and I remember baking cookies with my grandmother. And, just watching Charlie Brown on their dark brown recliner, while we talked about free association topics.

Lately, I've been taking the opportunities that come my way. If my step mother in law asks to take my children for a few hours, instead of finding every excuse to say no because I feel bad for "pawning" my children off on her, I say yes, then I make plans with my husband. Because, as much as I love being around my children, I also want our family members to have that opportunity to get to know my children on a deeper level, instead of only seeing them a few hours over holidays and special occasions.

It's still a work in progress, but having grandma and grandpa or Oma stop over for a few hours doesn't seem so much as a burden anymore. Instead, I view it as, my children have an advantage to make memories that they will fondly look back upon. My children will have time to build lasting relationships outside the home, outside of mommy. They'll create similar memories that remain so vividly in my own brain. 

I know it's benefited my children because when I walk through the door into my home, neither child immediately runs to me, but instead, they whine for grandma and grandpa to stay longer.

It's in that moment that my type A personality slowly regresses and the realization of yet another change throughout this motherhood journey emerges. And like all the rest, I embrace it and learn to grow around it. I use it as a guide to navigate the path of righteousness among my children. And for me, one of the hardest parts of motherhood isn't parenting, it's learning to share my children with the world.