When having two children that are young and close and age, I
never thought I would be experiencing half the things that I am. I pictured a closer
bond between them (all the time, not just occasionally). I pictured my daughter
being attentive to his needs, wanting to him to play, and teaching him anything
she could offer. I know my daughter loves him and she is first in line to cheer
him on as he walks through the room on his wobbly two legs. She is also protective
and helps him any way she can, but let’s face it, to her he’s a just baby –and her
patience at 3 years old can only last so long.
My daughter’s mental age is approximately 5 years old and
sometimes, her brother is VERY much younger than she is. She is incredibly meticulous
about her things and likes her room a certain way. Now I must admit my son isn’t
your “ordinary” run of the mill boy. He follows his sister’s lead, so he tends
to be much more sensitive and gentle. But even then, he’s like a bull in a
china shop. He’ll try to grab a toy and hand it to her (to play), which usually
ends with him plowing his hand through her neatly lined up characters -Resulting
in, “MOM! Can you get my brother out of here!” Or “LEAVE ME ALONE!” and I see
him crying from what I can only imagine is a broken heart.
As a mother, this is incredibly hard for me. I love both of
my children equally and can’t really grasp the concept of why she doesn’t want
to spend all the time in the world with her brother. If it were up to him, he
would spend every breath of air next to her.
In my opinion it would fill the gap of loneliness –instead of
playing by herself she would be able to have a “friend” to join in with her daily
activities. But she would rather just play by herself with the door shut and
come out to play with him when she deems fit.
After my son’s first birthday, he has become a sponge. His
vocabulary has increased from just your average “momma, dada, and nana” to “thanks,
bye, ball, Elmo, hello, and cup –plus various animal, trains, and car sounds. He
also started walking quite a bit –it’s not his main mode of transportation yet,
but he’s really steady on his feet (he independently walks around my dining
room table, chasing after his sister).
With him doing all this, she is more inclined to participate
with him more often (mainly because she likes to see his progress). She can’t
wait until daddy comes home from work to tell him all about what her brother
did today. So when she does spend time with him, it’s her reading countless
books to him, being more of a teacher than a sister (with anything else he's considered a nuisance). After about 3 books, he’ll
crawl away and pick up a train to hand her (as if he’s saying, let’s do this
instead). She’ll put the train down and say, “can you say train?” Of course he
doesn’t, but says “thanks” instead (which is what he says when he wants someone
to take the object).
I realize I am lucky, as I know other parents have siblings
who fight from morning to night, whereas I have the occasional dislike. But I
wish the transition from one to two children was a little smoother. I don’t
think she really understands how much fun a sibling can be because he’s younger
than she is. I’m hoping in a few more months, when his vocabulary and mobility
increases, they’ll be inseparable because he’ll have more in common with her.
But until then, I have to field negative comments, calm the
shouting, love my little boy when his sister kicks him out of her room, and love
my little girl even when she’s being mean to her brother.
These two have a lifetime of fighting and arguing. But they
also have a lifetime of friendship and love. My only goal is to have them mutually
respect each other, so no matter what life throws at them they will have each
other’s back. I want them to know family comes first and the bond that they
develop will be more special than any other bond in the world. Because one day, they’ll
be all the family that they have.
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