The passing of a loved one is a very hard moment for anyone
to experience. But for me, right now, it’s watching my loved one experience
this. There is something about death that makes everyone uncomfortable. Even
people with many words have a hard time expressing what to say. What is even
the right thing to say? I do know there’s usually a moment of insane heartache,
followed by a level of comfort knowing the person isn’t suffering anymore. But
how do you look someone in the eyes and tell them everything will be alright,
when you know it’s not going to be –for a long time.
My husband’s uncle had just passed after a long hard fight
with cancer. When he was younger, he worked with products containing asbestos,
not knowing the effects it would have later in life. When diagnosed, he didn’t
back down for a single second –he went head to head and aggressively fought
this ugly disease.
When I met him, 11 years ago, he always stood apart from
everyone else. He was a business man, so he was very charismatic and charming.
I will always remember him being very regal and was steadfast in any situation
-with such a robust personality at one extreme and an incredible love for his
family at the other. He would flutter into a room, knowing everyone’s name,
making anyone and everyone feel like they were part of him.
One of his biggest achievements in life wasn’t that he ran a
successful business it was that he raised an incredible loving family. They
live all over our state, but didn’t miss a moment of his fight. His immediate
family reminds me of my family –no matter where anyone is in the world, they
will drop whatever they are doing and round themselves back to home. Throughout
this journey, each member of his family showed unimaginable courage throughout.
They stayed at his bedside laughing over past memories, talking about new ones,
and cuddling through the nights. They weren’t one of those people who only saw
him at the end to make up for lost time -they always lived every moment
together.
My husband was very close to his uncle, as most people are. Over
the years, I’ve heard so many stories how his uncle would come over on a Friday
and spend hours around the table, laughing with family.
He would have Christmas Eve parties that would last well
into the night and the room was not only surrounded by family, but friends that
were included in the mix.
His fire pit in the backyard was spent with summer nights.
His well oversized garage was used for his brother’s
wedding.
His spare bedrooms were used for his grandchildren.
But most importantly, he was a man from a different
generation. He was a man that loved his wife beyond words -She was an extension
of him. He was a man who covered her at night, when she was cold or whisked her
around the dance floor. He was never shy to tell her how much he loved her –He was
a very different type of man.
As this week comes to an end, I know I’m grateful that I’m
part of this loving family. I’m proud to have known him and glad that he was
able to see my children born into this family. I hope my husband and I will
have a relationship like he and his wife had, I hope our love will be that strong. I hope we raise our children to be as loving and caring as they did.
After seeing how quickly everyone pulled together during the
final hours (even during a snow storm), I’m confident in saying, I know they’ll
be ok.
They will hurt, but it will be only temporary.
They will cry, but it will be for a short time.
They will be angry because the world is now short one
amazing person.
But days will pass, weeks will carry on, and eventually
their sadness will be reinstated by wonderful memories of him.
I have spent the last several nights with my husband,
chatting up stories about his uncle. Being his rock has humbled me, it has been
a complete role reversal. But I know he’ll get through this because we have
each other, as we always will.
*I would like to send my condolences to my extended family –I’m
so sorry for your loss and I hope one day soon you could smile again.
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