So why must we continue to judge?

I could remember sitting down for an evening dinner, the soft music playing in the background and my husband and I enjoying each other’s company. Of course, this was before kids. A time where you judged someone for not understanding why –Ignorance, I like to call it.

The entrée wasn’t even served before you could hear the infant crying two tables over. My first thought was, “How dare these people take their child out to a restaurant. Don’t they know people are trying to enjoy their meals?” Then by the time dinner was being consumed, we were interrupted by the toddler walking from table to table to say hi and a frantic, stressed out mother quickly tailing behind him.

Before having children of my own, I could never understand the concept of not being able to control your kids. Of course, now I understand. I do, however, curb my children to sit in the booth. But that doesn’t stop my daughter from standing on the seat, climbing under the table, and occasionally belting out a Sheriff Callie song on high volume -or my son saying hi and waving to everyone around him, constantly.

I now know that children behave the way they want to. You could parent them a certain way and have control for the most part, but they’re still individuals who speak and think for themselves. They lack the filter and emotion stability to cope in every situation. Sometimes naps are missed, dinner was not eaten, or they’re having an off day.

Things people without children will never fully understand.

I definitely limit my outings to restaurants, having the idea that they’ll eventually learn to behave appropriately in social situations when they’re older. But the rare times we go, I sometimes find myself being THAT parent. You know, the one who is rubbing her hands together trying to calm her nerves, making every stern face imaginable to quiet her children, and smiling at the people judging around –while, secretly begging the staff to hurry the food so we could eat like we’re running from the police.

However, this is not only limited to restaurants. I have also have been in a bookstore many times with my daughter, reading calmly and her behaving properly. Then I misjudged the time, which ended with me bargaining with her to stop whining and pleading, “Please, let’s leave the store now.” Trying so desperately to not cause a scene -which eventually ended with me carrying her out of the store, fast paced with her crying, passing judging people along the way.

When those days happen, there isn’t a hole big enough for me to crawl into. But in hindsight, I cannot understand why I feel that way? We have all been there, some more than others. We have all had embarrassing moments with our children.

Days they do not want to cooperate with anything and days where yes, is the meaning of no.

So I wonder if I’m actually conjuring up these feelings because of my previous life… The life when I judged other parents for their children acting the same way my child(ren) have acted.

Let’s face it, we have all done it. We have all judged a parent by their appearance and what you are witnessing –not really knowing the backstory (what you are currently witnessing might be the worst day that parent and child has ever had). I think it’s safe to say, we are all not perfect and some days we get it completely right, while other days, we fall hard –really hard.

So why must we continue to judge?

We should smile empathically at the woman carrying the screaming child out of a store, instead of looking cross-eyed. At least she had the dignity to remove the child from the situation.

We shouldn’t judge the people who have their child(ren) in stores late. You do not know if that child took a late nap and woke up at 6:30 pm or just has a different bedtime routine than the average -maybe it's 10 pm to 10 am). So the mother/father/guardian decided to go shopping when the crowds are less, or that is the only time they could go (I'm talking more like 9:00/9:30 pm, not 11:00 pm +).

We cannot fully understand what others are thinking. Sure there are some “bad” parents out there who do harm to their children by putting their own needs first –causing neglect. But it is more possible that the supposed “bad” parents are just caught on a bad day. I believe, we as society, should start giving people the benefit of the doubt more, instead of thinking worst case scenario.