My daughter has always been a very social being and has never been at a loss for words. She navigates social situations with ease and has been doing play dates with groups of children since she was born. However, since kindergarten, she seems to be hiding in the shadows more and more. And it breaks my heart because this was exactly what I wanted to avoid.
She tells me stories about her days at recess, that no one wants to play with her. She'll eagerly walk outside with the rest of her class (and the various other grades that are outside as well) and bounce around to each child, asking if they want to play. After every kid declines, she positions herself on the concrete, with her back against the brick building, and watches all the children play around her. She tells me this, teary eyed, and asks what can she do differently to play with friends, like all the other children.
I know this has been hard for her, because making friends was always easy. But I'm guessing, as children age, they become less open to others. And cliques begin to form at an early age.
I remember my days from school, or as I like to call it, prison. I was bullied from 1st grade until high school for anything and everything. I got physically pushed around, mocked by boys, and even beat up by girls. I was an easy target, because I was so very naive and sheltered from life's ways. I was very quiet, I never spoke out of turn, and wouldn't dare butt into a conversation. I was awkward, timid, and didn't have a place. So my recess days were always standing off by myself, counting the time away. But, I never expected this from my daughter. I always anticipated large friend circles from her. At home, she is exactly the person I am now. An alpha, a strong will, someone who isn't afraid to go after something she wants, and isn't worried about what people will think of her. But, I wasn't this person back then. This person I am now, took many many years of grooming from life.
So she has a head start. A very lucky head start, that I didn't have.
Although, she is much more of a sensitive child beneath that exterior. Far more than I ever was...
Today, we completed our normal morning routine before school and we talked at the breakfast table about what to expect during the day. I offered some more advice on how to engage with others and to be a little more assertive when asking them to play. She seemed ready to try again and we devised a plan.
And today, was a success...
...Partially...
She ran off the bus at parent pick-up, so very happy to tell me about recess. She started her story off by saying she did as I said, she asked the other children if they wanted to play, even her friends that she does play with outside of school, and they all said no. She told me that it hurt her feelings and basically, let the wind out of her sails. So she retreated back to her typical spot, against the building and tears filling her eyes...
But then something beautiful happened...
A little girl who also went to her preschool last year stumbled upon her and asked how my daughter was doing. She knelt down beside her and talked, comforting her. Then asked if my daughter wanted to play with her... Of course, my daughter eagerly obliged.
My daughter's eyes lit up like magic, as she told me the final part of the story. She said today was a great day and she couldn't wait to see if tomorrow will be just as fun. I told her how happy I was that her day went so lovely and how proud I am of her for sticking it out and being open to everyone.
I knew the little girl's mother, so I texted her when we arrived back home. I told her that she should be proud of her daughter and that her daughter's actions today left an impression on my child. She then explained that she also had a similar conversation with her own daughter about playing with others that might feel left out. Her good parenting and presence in her own daughter's life was transferred over to my child today.
And I'm grateful...
I am grateful for that one little act of kindness that proves there are still good and thoughtful people in this world. And even children have the capability of seeing another human upset and are aware enough to reach out their own hand.
As a mother, I am grateful for all the parents who put the time into their children's lives to teach them to be kind and thoughtful of others. Because with that knowledge, you'll never know how one action could change someone's whole day.
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