Monday, December 31, 2018

Who am I? Some resolutions...

As the year 2018 comes to a screeching halt, like everyone else, I'm left reflecting...
And a bit scatter-brained, kind of like a computer with several opened tabs, but reflecting nonetheless...

I'm left with a to-do list a mile long -with things I wanted to accomplish that just never manifested... It was either there wasn't enough time, not enough money, and some, just plain laziness.

But all in all, my year was pretty spectacular... It wasn't anything fancy or vibrant, but for me, it was satisfying on my own scale.

*Family vacations, day trips, watching my daughter perform, watching my son step out of his shell, personal fetes, and mainly, everyone being healthy and happy...

As for me personally? 

hmmm... Well, after a lot of self reflection, I find there is some things that I need to work on as I move forward...

I continue to put myself on the back burner, as usual. Something I struggle with a lot as a mom - I have yet to figure out how to balance being a person and a mom at the same time... And, I exhaust all my energy into my children, that my identity has been lost in the mix.

I also wanted to put more time into my blog, but instead, I ended up putting even less time into it this year.

So, if we were to talk resolutions... 

I want to continue to be an active, engaged mom. I wouldn't change anything on that front. But, I'd love to have a little more one on one time with my husband, outside of parenting. I also want to blog more and focus on creating a brand for myself (But, I have stopped typing about 20 times during this post just to answer questions, get drinks, snacks, and listen to my daughter talk about how cool her favorite new song is - so there's that)… 

I also have been considering changing up my blog a bit. See, right now, my writing only communicates one side of me. The serious mom, who is fighting for children's rights and documents events that demonstrate how to handle parenting peacefully... But, there is another side to me - a sarcastic, funny, and sometimes, inappropriate humor type person. I guess you can say, that is who I am, outside of being a mom. 

It's funny because, my parenting style doesn't quite fit into one bracket. In real life, I consider myself a multitude of personas (and sadly, that makes navigating mom groups very difficult). I am a peaceful parent, uschooler, respectful parent, free range, and ironically, a helicopter parent all wrapped up into one. I'm progressive, but still an early 80s child at heart... I kind of pick and choose from each style and combine them to make my own. But, I add a lot of humor and sarcasm -Like, that is the dominate of it all. And, that's the side my children display the most of, too.

So, when I do navigate mom groups, I mostly see parents are all one way, with no exceptions. Their children always seem to be perfect and quiet -and everyone seems to be so serious. Whereas, I have this really neat balance where my children are really great kids, but they're funny. They're loud, talkative, and wild. But, sweet and loving. And, I'm rarely serious... 

So, my thought process was, to continue writing about what I already do. But, focus more on the ability to blend parenting styles. So, you don't have to be an all or nothing type parent. You can totally be a peaceful parent, but be humorous as well. You can be an attachment parent, but dislike cosleeping like it's the early centuries and the plague is on the rise (I hate cosleeping -but my 8 year old daughter still doesn't sleep through the night). You can be an unschooler, but say no to your child. You can be a free range parent, but helicopter the same time.

I want to be less serious, some of the time...

And, labels are sometimes restricting... Also, they seem to continuously validate or score you as a parent -and who needs that constant hassle?

Being a parent, is just simply putting your children's needs ahead of your own, it doesn't mean you have to like it, you just got to do it - because, it's only for such a short time and sooner than you know it, it'll all be over with. And then, you can be whoever the heck you want to be after that...

In the 5 years of blogging, I bet my readers never knew any of that. I did try to do a mid week humor, but writing jokes without being able to physically animate them, is a lot harder than you'd think. Because, the true essence of me, is borderline obnoxious... As my friends say (and the people who were backstage with me at theatre), I learned how to whisper in an airport hanger with people using chainsaws...

So, I'm thinking, I might start doing a video mid week humor... That's an idea I've been toying around with -I do already post a lot of videos on my Instagram account, so check them out (the_happy_days).

I haven't figured it all out yet and I'd love some feedback...


But one thing for sure is, I do want to start doing more for me and create a space in which I feel accomplished outside of just being a mom -Although, just saying that out loud, sounds really scary... However, I do have to say, it will be hard to top, because being a mom has given me such a sense of accomplishment and confidence in my life.

It brought me to where I am today...

On the other hand, change is good... And growing is even better...

But, balance is the best of all.

And having balance, will be my new mantra of 2019...

I look forward to seeing what the new year will bring...

And, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts as well...


**Here's a look back on some moments throughout our year -















Happy New Year!

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Mid Week Humor: Sicknesses...

I feel like I missed a major component about having school age children in the home... Somewhere along the line, I didn't realize their impressive ability to just keep passing sicknesses back and forth among the entire household, every week, and apparently, for the entire year... 
Where was that, in the 'What to Expect' series???
The Happy Days Blog

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Why does it seem like schools have more rights, than the parents have?

Disclaimer: This might sound a little ranty, so I apologize for this unusual style up front. But today really got me thinking...

Today, my son woke up with a stuffy nose and a sore throat, like hundreds of other children in schools all across the country... But, thankfully, our kindergarten is only 2.5 hours long, so I sent him in -due to no other major symptoms.

We stood out in front of the same glass doors that I've faced countless times before. The 15 degree temperatures pressed firmly against our skins, as we shivered under the scattered clouded sky... My daughter was bouncing around, talking with her friends, while my son tightly clung to me... He kept saying he didn't feel well, but I reassured him that it was only 2.5 hrs of school and a stuffy nose isn't something major -and he'll probably continue to have it for another week.

Then, when the teacher unlocked the doors, he broke down crying, begging me to take him home.

He just wanted to snuggle up and stay close to me because, he didn't feel well - a perfectly reasonable explanation for a 5 year old child.

But at this point, the principal and guidance counselor were involved, trying to get him to come inside.
*Too many cooks in the kitchen.

The principle even stated, "you can't stay home with only a stuffy nose." And I was told, I had to take him in to see the school nurse, to prove his sickness.

This is where the story turns...

Our state passed a law that you're only allowed 10 EXCUSED days, then the proceeding days MUST have a doctor's excuse, or they will start the truancy court process (yes, our state has their own truancy court). 
10 days, out of 180 school days...
Let that sink in.
...Even though adults get a minimum of 2 weeks vacation, plus personal days and sick days...

*This whole thing started because of this law. If our Governor didn't pass it, I wouldn't have questioned my instinct from the start and I would have trusted his ability to exam himself and kept him home. I understand the logic behind the passing of this law, because of the parents who do not send their kids to school or who take them in late all the time. But, the new law isn't going to stop them. Instead, it's only going to affect the parents like me, who want to follow the rules, but do right by their children at the same time. And in turn, this law is creating parents who send their kids to school, when they should be home resting. Or, parents who send their children back to school quicker than they should and in turn, are spreading more diseases.

So, this is what gets me heated... This is MY child, why do I need prove anything? 

Aren't I the parent?

Look, my children are just starting off in school, so I blame all the parents the prior years ahead of me, who allowed this to happen.

The parents who allowed the state to dictate your rights to your own child(ren).

Stand up for our families!
Stand up for our rights as parents!
And, stand up for our children's rights as people!

Even if my son wasn't sick and just wanted to take the day off to relax, he should be able to, without me having to prove anything...

Adults do it all the time at work.

It's a sad reality in this country that we don't have much rights to our own children, until they're adults - that includes medical too.

And if you don't see it, you're not looking clear enough. 

Districts feel, as soon as the children pass that threshold, they're now state property. And teachers think they are allowed to treat the students how they want -Instilling their beliefs, their morals, and their punishments... The school believes they are allowed to tell your children when they're allowed to go to the bathroom, when they're allowed to speak, and when they're allowed to eat.

But it doesn't work that way....

*I realize it completely does work that way in schools... But it shouldn't. 

And parents allowed it to happen...

Adults are just conditioned to separate from their children and place them in the care of strangers. Parents trust these people as extensions of their families... That has become the norm. And anyone who differs from that norm, they're the strange ones - or the ones who need to change.

But contrary to popular belief, there was once a time when a mother stayed home, looked after her children, and those children were overly attached to their families. They didn't separate easily and they hid behind their parents, when strangers talked to them.

This was once the norm.

Now, infants as young as six weeks, are off to daycare, spending the majority of their time around a bunch of strangers. And when they get sick, they're forced to deal with the uncomfortable feelings around people other than their parents, because understandably, guardians can't just leave work for every little sniffle...

So, by the time school starts, these children are conditioned. They're robotic, because they understand the system...

But, my children do not. My children aren't around anyone other than me. They don't do sleepovers, spend weekends away with a family member, or even a few hours with someone else.

I'm their constant.
Their rock.
Their home base, to feel safe and secure.

And somewhere along the way, that has become a bad thing... It became a hassle to have a child not conform and not blindly trust a stranger.

The way the staff acted today, was not out of concern, but merely with little patience. Almost like, they were shocked that when they snapped their fingers, my child didn't get hypnotized and jump right up and follow them inside - (imagine pavlov's theory).

However, he clung to me, instead of them...

So, after 20 minutes in the nurse's office, I took him home. 
He was still crying...

It was that moment, which separates me from the majority of other parents.

Most parents would have left him there, crying, because they would think that by taking him home, they would create a pattern.

But with me, I took him home because I wanted to show him that mommy will always be there for him -to listen to him, to understand him, and trust him. I wanted to validate him as a person and show him that he has rights to his own life and body.

That nobody owns him.
And, if he was having an "off" day and just didn't feel well, that is perfectly fine. We all do... And not feeling well is different for everyone and should be the parent's judgement call -not the state's.

So, he'll go tomorrow and I'll join him and his class with making gingerbread houses for their craft.

And, he'll get his do-over. 

Or, if not, and this was the early onset of a virus, then I'll trust in him to determine that, not the school... 

Monday, November 5, 2018

Fall is a bust, leaving our unfulfilled ideas trailing in the dust...


It's already early November... 
There was so much more I wanted to do before the winter season approaches. Fall is the time in our lives where the brush from our woods have fallen down and clears a natural path for us to explore. The trees become barren and allow for more view and makes the forest less scary for my children.
I wanted to spend our free time, sitting on fallen logs and talking about our surroundings. I wanted to make maps and see where they lead us. 
Collect acorns and dried leaves...
Have a fire on our patio and eat marshmallow smores for dinner...
I wanted so much more.
But here we are, with our Fall having more rain than not. And we haven't had 3 consecutive sun shining days since 4th of July weekend.

This season is a bust... 
And, Summer was a bust.
Our cold weather has quickly approached us, leaving the unfulfilled ideas trailing in the dust.
Instead, we're left planning for sleigh riding and snow fort building, but it feels wrong - like we completely skipped over one of our favorite seasons...

Thursday, November 1, 2018

This is our Halloween...

After the half day of school concluded, the minutes seemed to trickle by... The momentum of being excited quickly fizzled out and we were left lounging on the couch, under the blankets, watching some Thundermans Halloween specials to pass the time.

When 5:00 pm neared, both children were already donned head to toe in their costumes - I've never seen them get dressed that fast, nor that efficient, without my help - it's funny how that works, isn't it?.

We geared up and headed to our local hotspot, with a big group of my daughter's friends.


And they spent the next 2.5 hours running from house to house...

When I think of Halloween, this is what I imagine... A group of kids, all running in the same general direction and each one trying to be the first to knock on the door.

There's a lot of, "wait up!" being yelled.
Children running back towards their parents screaming, "They gave king sized chocolate!"
And, a few regrouping being done by the parents - followed by a lot of head counts (or maybe that's just me, the crazy helicopter parent).

I love watching their excitement of seeing the decorated homes and that nostalgic feeling of being leary when bushes surround a door, in fear someone will jump out. Then, when it does happen, hearing the explanations on how they weren't really scared. Or, from the ones who admitted it and owned it.

I love hearing them be brave, be scared, be thoughtful and respectful.

I love watching them be courteous of their friends and making sure that everyone stuck together... I love how one girl made sure my son had a hand to hold the entire night.

I love hearing them tell jokes, sing silly songs, or even sing a verse from their upcoming musical...

And, I love how they talk all spooky, when they hit a dark-out part with no lit houses. But then, run really fast past it, shrieking and holding hands...

This is Halloween...

This is, our Halloween.

Being adventurous.

Halloween is not about walking around a parking lot, waiting in lines with a few hundred people, begging for candy out of people's trunks - like you're doing an illegal exchange.

That will never be Halloween for me, or for us.

The old fashioned way, will always be ours...

Because, these memories are just too good, to stop creating.

Monday, October 29, 2018

Life moves forward, whether you're ready or not...


We stayed outside until after night fall. It was hard to close the chapter on another day. So, we all lingered a little bit longer, watching the golden leaves shimmer on the semi-bare Oaks in the last minutes of sunlight. 

It seems all the leaves are falling now, with even the slightest breeze. My backyard is blanketed in colors of reds and yellows, as a constant reminder the season is here to stay.

Nightfall comes earlier and earlier with each passing day. And, the days seem shorter than they ever have. Perhaps, it's not only the season, but because both of my children spend so many hours away from home now. When they're here, the hours are lost by homework, activities, and just getting ready for the next thing, then the next.

It leaves me short of breath and a feeling of emptiness -as though I am always missing something.

That something is, both of my children...

I wait for the time to read late into the mornings with our jammies still donned, or go on walks to examine earth's treasures. Time to explore and time to do nothing at all... When there was time for dance parties and time for sword fighting.

I sit alone and think of all the things I wish I could tell my children throughout the day... Something as little as, JoJo Siwa has a new song or Minecraft has a new update. Or something big like, they're reopening ToysRus!

But, there is only silence.

The silence takes a lot to get used to... But it seems, the hardest things take the longest to accept.

Sometimes, the silence is so quiet, it's deafening.

And what I'm left with, is the thought that nothing can prepare you for how short those earlier years truly are.

The years, when the days belong to us.

And just when it seems like they'll last forever, and you'll never make it a single day longer, they're gone.

They're gone faster than air leaving a balloon.

Diaper bags are replaced with backpacks.
Wobbly first steps are replaced with ballet.
Princess songs are replaced with Tweener pop songs.
Toys are replaced with video games. 
Free time is replaced with activities. 
Neediness is replaced with independence. 
A baby/toddler is replaced by a little girl/boy...

...Children, who are free thinkers with big ideas and even bigger dreams...

My daughter is writing songs and creating stories. My son is drawing comic books and building worlds on Minecraft...

They're growing up quicker than I can breathe in. I try my hardest to hang onto these days with both fists clenched, not wanting to let go. But instead, the hours are passing at an alarming rate. I try to be present in every moment, but instead, I feel like I'm constantly planning a schedule and running from place to place.

I feel like I'm sometimes fumbling through my days, trying to fit everything in, and the time we do spend, isn't the quality of time that we're used to. We pass like ships in the night and I almost become robotic, calling out notations from an invisible list that needs completion... 

The time isn't just ours anymore..

Sometimes, I feel like I am floating along, rising and falling in both of their wind...

So, I cling onto those cuddles longer than I should. I stay at 3 hour theatre practices and volunteer, so I am with my daughter. I take every school volunteer opportunity they offer, so I see both of my children throughout the day... I lay next to my almost sleeping children and hold their hands, while they drift to sleep. Sometimes, dinner isn't made by the time my husband arrives home, because my children are showing me cool things they did on Roblox and Minecraft... And bed time is usually pushed back, to read more stories or lay in my children's bed and talk about life.

I take the moments I can, when they're available...

Because, I know that as my children age, their demands change with them. They become less dependent on me, but more busy. And, as fast as those first few years passed, I'm sure in another few years, I'll be talking about how fast these current years flew by too...

Because, life continues to move along and doesn't wait up for anyone. So you have to grab onto the moments you have, live them to the best of your ability, and never half-ass any of it.

You'll never regret the moments you spend with family, you'll only regret the moments you didn't...

Friday, September 21, 2018

That time I was bullied online for speaking my mind...

The other day, I found myself caught up in a post on a local news page. I'm not sure why I do it, because it never ends well for me...

I live in a small county, where people's ideals and parenting are similar to the belief system as, "if they're still breathing, they're fine." Some families here still believe in spanking and having limited contact with their children in fear, it will baby them (or turn them into the infamous, snowflake).

So someone like me, completely blows their mind...

It was the similar post that we've all seen in our newsfeeds - it doesn't matter where you live, this exists everywhere - A mom who publicly shamed her bullying child on social media.

Of course, I do not defend the child, bullying is wrong in every shape and form, but it is not exclusive to only children... And let's face it, the mother is a bully too.

I think, if your brain even goes to the thought to publicly shame your child as punishment, you need to rethink a few things.

And of course, I was left defending a parenting style, which is so progressive, that most people can't even wrap their brains around the idea.

The concept of saying, bullying wouldn't happen if children had their needs met, were respected, weren't shamed, threatened, or punished doesn't seem logical to some people. They still think that a child needs to be beatened, to fear someone, then in turn, that creates respect... But that's not true. Sure, they respect, because they're scared not to... But they don't fully understand why they're doing it - that's why it doesn't carry on forever. Punishment displays dominance and control, so children are also learning to dominate weaker people, as they age... Children that are respected, understand why they should continue to do so and want to pass it onto the outside world... 

But nonetheless, the masses came out with their pitchforks and mob mentality took over. And I was the target of a lot of people's self projections and fears from their own demons.






*There's so much anger and aggression for a lot of people who think their parenting is raising well adjusted children... And for the love of all things holy, don't defend a bully, by saying she's not a bully, by being a bully to someone else. It's contradictive.

And even after explaining myself, over and over again and describing my parenting like I do on my blog, people immediately tried to lump me in a category of, the friend mom, the no rules mom, the Netflix mom, and probably other's that I'm not even aware of. They immediately went to the idea that, "you're the parent who let's their kids run around like idiots in public." As if, not spanking, punishing, or shaming your child automatically means, your children are allowed to run wild and free without rules...

*shaking my head*

Well, how about, I'm the parent and my children know and respect that... But, I'm also not my children's enemy either.

My relationship with them develops, grows, and changes as they age. But the #1 principle that will always remain the same is, I'm not here to control them, I'm here to guide them...

We don't have rules other than to be respectful, kind, and have manners. But we do have limits and set boundries. 

But I feel, being respectful and being respected is the centrifuge of growth... Everything stems from that. My children are taught that they're not above anyone or anything -that includes personal property of their own and others... We save spiders in our home, donate to shelters and animals shelters and leave water outside for animals during the summer and blanket caverns for the winter months. My children smile and say hello to people passing by and hold the door for everyone. They strike up conversations with the check-out person and asks them, "how is your day going?" They sit by the child who is alone at school and my 3rd grader will sit with kindergarteners on the bus and talk with them, as if they're all the same age.

My children are raised with a mother who can only be best described as my spirit sister, Beverly Goldberg, from the TV show, The Goldbergs…

And, it's hard for me to understand why someone wouldn't want to be so involved in their children's lives -just like it's hard for other's to understand how I can be...

And, it's perfectly OK to have different parenting styles, as long as love and respect are the main focus of your strategies. As long as discipline is coming from the heart and not because you're angry in the moment. As long as your child(ren) feelings aren't being dismissed because, you don't want to be bothered that day. And, as long as you're not bullying or shaming your children... And seriously, nothing is that detrimental to spank your child, unless they're burning kittens in the backyard -and then at that point, I think again, you need to reevaluate a lot of other things... 
Because eventually, these emotions and feelings that these children are experiencing from their loved ones, who they love unconditionally and trust implicitly, will negatively reappear later on... And these children will be my children's peers. 
So, that does affect me.

It's almost 2019, and when we know better, we can do better... And, I'd bet a lot of parents just continue to do things the way it's always been done, because they just don't know anything different. 
They aren't being mean or malicious.
The concept of children having rights, opinions, and their own thoughts goes against everything our parent's passed down to us.

That's why I'll always continue to jump onto a thread and share my perspective (and take the verbal abuse because, I know change is hard). Not to say I'm right and you're wrong. But, just to educate people that there is another way - there is always, another way. 

A way which is child-centered and has a nurturing growth process...

*Disclaimer: I understand there are always exceptions to every rule or idea. And, some children have disabilities and/or extenuating circumstances... This is just my opinion based on my education, my life experiences, and experiences from my past profession.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

To my baby boy... The kindergartener.



It's raining, yet again... 
This weather displays the image of how I feel on the inside. 
It's been a week since you started kindergarten, and I've been home without you. 
You've been sitting in a new place, that is filled with things that are different from what you're used to.
There are new sights, people, and that odd cafeteria smell that seems to stay with you, twenty years later.
There are sounds of unfamiliar voices and the squeak of brand new shoes on the newly waxed floors.
You are hearing the way your name sounds through the crowded playground. And I'm sure it sounds completely different, than it does at home.
You will learn about hand raising and taking turns.
You will learn that not everyone is raised the same way and reacts the same.
Some of it you know.
And others, you wish you never knew.
You will learn the basics and you will learn about life.
You will have that phase where I am the most important person in your life. Then eventually, your friends will be.
You will try out every size and shape wings, until you find the pair that was meant for you all along...
I look around and see five years of memories... And, I have loved every minute of it.
I remember so clearly, when you were a baby. I would carry you in your burnt orange colored sling and dip my chin, to kiss the top of your head. A head that is full of beautiful ideas, big dreams, and plans for adventures.
I'd sway back and forth, singing to you, as we attended one of your sister's many activities -and you were always happy to go along for the ride.
I begged for time to stand still.
I swore my heart couldn't handle both of my children aging at this rapid pace.
But I know, time can't stand still. Instead, the heart finds a new way to accept all the impending changes.
And learns to love all of them, even more...

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Sometimes, the first day of school really surprises you...

Last night, you laid out your favorite outfit and packed all your essentials in your backpack. We read our traditional, The Night Before, stories and rested on your bed, as we talked about 3rd grade. 

You were stretched across your twin bed, the same bed you slept on since your first birthday -It's hard to imagine how little space your tiny body used to fill up on this bed. And now, I have to squish myself next to you, in order to fit. 

I rubbed your long blondish/brown hair, as we reminisced about all your school years prior. You giggled when you talked about how you would cling so tightly to me, like it was ancient history. And now, I only get a quick rendition of our secret handshake.

I said, I remember kneeling on the pavement in front of the school doors, eye level to you (as children and staff passed by us), and I would tell you how brave you were. And your sobbing would stop just long enough, to acknowledge the truth in that statement.

But years later, today, you walked in without a care in the world. No fears. No tears. Your friends yelled to you when we walked up, and you ran over to them... This moment, was the moment I wrote about in a blog post all the way back when you were still in kindergarten.

And instead of clinging tightly to me, you grasped tightly onto your little brother's hand. You outstretched your arm, when you noticed his hesitation, and you leaned down eye level to him, and gave him a pep talk. The same way, I used to do for you... Then, when those infamous door opened up, you pulled him close to you and walked him down to his classroom, like the best protective big sister you are.


It's like, one minute you're little and scared -Frantically searching for mommy to cling to... And in the blink of an eye, you're big and making sure your little brother doesn't ever feel the same fears that you once had.

It seemed that, overnight, you matured yourself.


And luckily for him, you're there every step of the way. Being more than just his sister, you're each other's best friends.

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

When JoJo Siwa became a meme... One mom's persepective...

Recently, JoJo Siwa tweeted out that she wanted to become a meme... From a sheltered, 15 year old girl, who only wants to see the good in this world, I don't think she thought the whole process through...

I don't think she realized that the internet brings out the worst in so many people.

And long story short, the memes turned out horrible...
Like, really horrible...

I was reading a recent post from JoJo Siwa (as do all 36 year olds) on Instagram and it broke my heart...

Here is a screen shot of the post I'm talking about...

And here are some comments...

Can we all agree that the internet has some immensely hateful people?

For those of you who don't know who she is, she's a Nickelodeon and YouTube pop star. She started out on the TV show, Dance Moms, and wore mega huge bows and brightly colored clothing to get noticed - it worked. Then, she released an awesome single, Boomerang -which she sky-rocketed from. 

She's 15 years old, but tries to keep a young persona. Mainly because, her fan base is pre-tween. She dresses young and loud, and wears her signature bows. She promotes kindness and her messages scream, to enjoy being a kid for as long as you can...

A message that is nowadays lost on most kids over the age of 10...

Sadly, people are berating her for dressing young. 
Saying, she should act her age...

But what does that even mean? To act 15 years old?

I was still playing with barbies and wore Punky Brewster style clothing at 13 years old. By 15, I was still trying to figure out who I was. 

I definitely wasn't as confident as JoJo is at 15 years old. I went to a city school, with a graduating class of over 300 kids -and it was very easy for me to get lost in the crowd, but I still felt like everyone was always looking at me. I'd never have the bravery to be who I wanted to be, no matter what anyone said about me, at only 15 years old.

Nowadays, 15 year olds act like they think they're 22. With a face full of thick make-up, short skirts, cut off shirts, and an attitude like they just did a dime upstate... 

Only, the majority of 22 year olds, don't even act like that.

My 8 year old daughter loves JoJo. Hell, I love JoJo. She reminds me of the 80's mall singing tweens that we all admired growing up - bubblegum style, who dressed young and acted their age and exuded positivity...

Kids are ranting and raving negatively all over social media - a complete mob mentality. Why? Because adults also do it all the time, that's why.

People are mean and heartless over the internet. They are using it as a mask, to pull out their inner dark side and be someone who they would never be in real life.

Kids are watching their own parents ridicule people all over the internet. Have you seen a thread about politics? Or vaccines? 
And, parents even think it's ok to shame their own children in photos and conversations, all over the internet.

Children are always watching and listening...

But, all of the sudden, you're not allowed to blame the parents... 

But then, where is all this originating from?? Bullying isn't something you're born with. It's a learned behavior...

Would society be ok if JoJo acted the way 99% of the commenters on her feed are acting. Does that show maturity, by cursing and shaming and bullying? Is that the way these kids see the world? How is that behavior normal, but yet, wearing glittery pink clothing and bows isn't?

That's a sad reality for kids.

But not for mine though.

At 15 years old, I really hope my daughter embodies her persona. I hope she embraces her confidence to be whoever she wants to be, even when you're the minority. I hope my daughter is still satisfied with being with her family, hanging home, dressing young, and not partying it up with boys...

I hope she's not wearing thick make-up and posing with duck lips in a bathroom mirror and sharing the pictures all over social media.

I hope to god, she uses proper grammar and articulates her thoughts and doesn't dumb herself down to fit into this new age, young, social media culture...

Honestly, if my daughter was as bubblegum as JoJo is at 15 years old, I'd say I did something right as a parent, and I'll arrogantly pat myself on the back for it...

JoJo Siwa, this world needs more kids like you.


*So, let's use this as an example. 

Let's teach our kids that mean words hurt and they stick with us as we age... Let's teach ourselves that nothing in this world warrants adults to badger and ridicule other adults over social media, just because some have different opinions. 
We're all individuals and that individuality should be praised, not stuffed in a box hidden away somewhere, because society doesn't want to deal with it...

And all of this, starts at home, with the parents...

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Sometimes, children act like children... A peaceful parenting response.


I sat with my legs crissed-crossed on the warm pavement in front of our fire pit. My hands were outstretched, holding onto a stick to manipulate the burning logs, as the sun dipped below the horizon. 

My children sat across from me on the blanket, laughing, as their faces were covered in smores.

I glanced over at them smiling, because I was truly happy to be in that moment with the both of them...

However, about 15 minutes before this, the image was completely different.

We love doing our fires on the patio. It's something we've done continuously since my children were very little. And, as they aged, we each took on a role in order for the fire to work. I'm positioned at the helm, starting the fire and keeping it afloat and my children are the stick gatherers. They fill the bucket with twigs to start the fire and carry logs to keep it burning longer...

One doesn't do more or less than the other...

However, on this particular day, my daughter wasn't having it...

They both wanted smores and a fire, even though it has rained for a week straight. But, I figured my survival skills are pretty decent and I could get a fire to start, even with wet logs. But, I wasn't sure how long I would be able to keep it going, as each new stick was more wet than the previous... Although I did get it started, I just couldn't keep it going, because my daughter wouldn't help her brother get more wood. And the wetness was overpowering my efforts.

She stayed on that blanket and wouldn't budge...

It was just one of those days in the life of a child... When you're either tired, cranky, or having emotions that you're just not sure of yet. But, it happens - Hell, I'm 36 years old and sometimes, I wake up moody - My children never need to explain to me when they're having an off day. I understand and I get it. I just want to help make it better...

But, when the fire quickly went out, she lost it. 
She cried. 
A lot... 

She just wasn't using any words to explain why she was crying...

So
I knelt down in front of her, explaining that the fire went out because we were already working against everything being wet and we also needed more wood and that, it wasn't solely her brother's responsibility to go find more. She needed to help him, the way she always does (stick gathering is my daughter's favorite part of the fire)... 

We're all a team...

However, she was upset about something completely different, other than the fire going out -I knew that, I just had to get her calm to discuss it with her.

After snuggling close with her and talking, she finally stopped crying... And she told me, she didn't want to get the fire wood because, it wasn't as bright as it usually is and she was too scared to go near our woods... Which I was baffled by, because these two do it all the time and they make it so much fun. But nonetheless, I validated her fear -because to her in that moment, it was real...

And, I came up with a suggestion that the three of us go together to get enough wood to start the fire and make some smores...

Because, everyone deserves a second chance in life...

Of course, they both cheerfully obliged...

My point of this story is to stress that children are still going to be children... My daughter may be 7 years old and for most people, they'd expect the world from them. But, I only expect kindness, respect, and manners in my household... Controlling emotions is not something I expect at this age... 

My daughter still needs to be hugged, snuggled, and feel secure. She needs to be reminded that she's still a child every now and then - and there's nothing like a good ole' tantrum to bring that back to the forefront, am I right? 

Children need understanding and compassion. They need to know that they'll make mistakes and that's ok. Because making mistakes is how you learn and grow...

I don't assume my children do things intentionally to erk me or to upset me... Instead, I always assume something else is the culprit and I try to figure out how to fix it with them...

And, if I would have just punished her for crying and not offered a second chance, we wouldn't have laughed around the fire... She wouldn't have had the opportunity to discuss the problem with me and she wouldn't have learned how to make it right. 

She would eventually become too scared to come to me with small problems, so when big problems arise, she wouldn't trust me to help her later on.

Children need to know there is someone there that they can count on who will listen to their problems - instead of judging their every move.

Childhood is a time for learning. And parenting, is a time for teaching. They go hand in hand... Children will act like children, but parents need to act like parents -and guide, not react.

Of course, we all have off days - No one is perfect, not even parents... But then, that turns into a good teaching moment for a parent to show that mistakes happen but you accept it, figure it out, then move forward.

The rest of the night ended with us telling silly stories around the fire... And, my children playing pretend Minecraft with their pick axe and swords... And us jamming out to tweener songs on the CD player.

And you know what? Years from now, when I'm thinking about that night, I'll only remember the fun times... I'll remember how little they once were. I'll remember how they can NEVER consume a smore without getting more than half of it on their face, hands, and legs. I'll remember their laugh when this mama got up to dance to JoJo's songs. And most of all, I'll remember when sitting around the fire with their mother, was the best thing in the world to them... 

...I'll never remember that silly tantrum...
Because that is only a blip in time, compared to the bigger picture.