I live in a small county, where people's ideals and parenting are similar to the belief system as, "if they're still breathing, they're fine." Some families here still believe in spanking and having limited contact with their children in fear, it will baby them (or turn them into the infamous, snowflake).
So someone like me, completely blows their mind...
It was the similar post that we've all seen in our newsfeeds - it doesn't matter where you live, this exists everywhere - A mom who publicly shamed her bullying child on social media.
Of course, I do not defend the child, bullying is wrong in every shape and form, but it is not exclusive to only children... And let's face it, the mother is a bully too.
I think, if your brain even goes to the thought to publicly shame your child as punishment, you need to rethink a few things.
And of course, I was left defending a parenting style, which is so progressive, that most people can't even wrap their brains around the idea.
The concept of saying, bullying wouldn't happen if children had their needs met, were respected, weren't shamed, threatened, or punished doesn't seem logical to some people. They still think that a child needs to be beatened, to fear someone, then in turn, that creates respect... But that's not true. Sure, they respect, because they're scared not to... But they don't fully understand why they're doing it - that's why it doesn't carry on forever. Punishment displays dominance and control, so children are also learning to dominate weaker people, as they age... Children that are respected, understand why they should continue to do so and want to pass it onto the outside world...
But nonetheless, the masses came out with their pitchforks and mob mentality took over. And I was the target of a lot of people's self projections and fears from their own demons.
*There's so much anger and aggression for a lot of people who think their parenting is raising well adjusted children... And for the love of all things holy, don't defend a bully, by saying she's not a bully, by being a bully to someone else. It's contradictive.
And even after explaining myself, over and over again and describing my parenting like I do on my blog, people immediately tried to lump me in a category of, the friend mom, the no rules mom, the Netflix mom, and probably other's that I'm not even aware of. They immediately went to the idea that, "you're the parent who let's their kids run around like idiots in public." As if, not spanking, punishing, or shaming your child automatically means, your children are allowed to run wild and free without rules...
*shaking my head*
Well, how about, I'm the parent and my children know and respect that... But, I'm also not my children's enemy either.
My relationship with them develops, grows, and changes as they age. But the #1 principle that will always remain the same is, I'm not here to control them, I'm here to guide them...
We don't have rules other than to be respectful, kind, and have manners. But we do have limits and set boundries.
But I feel, being respectful and being respected is the centrifuge of growth... Everything stems from that. My children are taught that they're not above anyone or anything -that includes personal property of their own and others... We save spiders in our home, donate to shelters and animals shelters and leave water outside for animals during the summer and blanket caverns for the winter months. My children smile and say hello to people passing by and hold the door for everyone. They strike up conversations with the check-out person and asks them, "how is your day going?" They sit by the child who is alone at school and my 3rd grader will sit with kindergarteners on the bus and talk with them, as if they're all the same age.
My children are raised with a mother who can only be best described as my spirit sister, Beverly Goldberg, from the TV show, The Goldbergs…
And, it's hard for me to understand why someone wouldn't want to be so involved in their children's lives -just like it's hard for other's to understand how I can be...
And, it's perfectly OK to have different parenting styles, as long as love and respect are the main focus of your strategies. As long as discipline is coming from the heart and not because you're angry in the moment. As long as your child(ren) feelings aren't being dismissed because, you don't want to be bothered that day. And, as long as you're not bullying or shaming your children... And seriously, nothing is that detrimental to spank your child, unless they're burning kittens in the backyard -and then at that point, I think again, you need to reevaluate a lot of other things...
Because eventually, these emotions and feelings that these children are experiencing from their loved ones, who they love unconditionally and trust implicitly, will negatively reappear later on... And these children will be my children's peers.
So, that does affect me.
It's almost 2019, and when we know better, we can do better... And, I'd bet a lot of parents just continue to do things the way it's always been done, because they just don't know anything different.
They aren't being mean or malicious.
The concept of children having rights, opinions, and their own thoughts goes against everything our parent's passed down to us.
That's why I'll always continue to jump onto a thread and share my perspective (and take the verbal abuse because, I know change is hard). Not to say I'm right and you're wrong. But, just to educate people that there is another way - there is always, another way.
A way which is child-centered and has a nurturing growth process...
*Disclaimer: I understand there are always exceptions to every rule or idea. And, some children have disabilities and/or extenuating circumstances... This is just my opinion based on my education, my life experiences, and experiences from my past profession.
