The air was frigid as we stood shoulder to shoulder in front of the preschool doors, anxiously waiting for entry. My daughter paced back and forth, singing Let it Go on repeat, while my son was packed nicely, on my back, in the Ergo. The question, "when can we go inside?" looped in a constant from my daughter's tiny voice.
It was the night of her Winter Concert Program...
...And all her family was there to see her!
When the doors opened, we filed into a skinny hallway like cattle. It was complete chaos and clutter. Every parent was dropping their designated child off into their classroom upon the start of the program.
I said my goodbyes, did our secret handshake, and said, "break a leg," which she found very humorous. She was bubbly, excited even, to partake in such an event. I was extremely proud to see this reaction and realized how far we have come since her days in early September.
We again sat, shoulder to shoulder, in the pews waiting. My son was chattering away to all the passing people and yelled his sister's name, as he was getting bored. I was too anxious to be still, as I wasn't sure how my daughter would handle standing up in front of a crowded room full of people.
My son was hanging over my shoulder, facing behind me, and I heard him yell her name again, but this time, with much passion. I looked in his direction to see all the children simultaneously proceeding down the isle.
My daughter's arm looked as if it would fall off for how much she waved it towards us.
She was like a beauty queen, waving to all the spectators in the crowd.
We watched the earlier classes perform, we all clapped and cheered as they were wonderful. My son clapped on que and said, "more" when they finished and my daughter gave them a standing ovation.
It was now her turn...
She cheerfully skipped up to the alter with her class and was placed front and center. She smiled ear to ear as she waved and yelled, "hi!" to all of us. My husband pressed play on the video camera, as I snapped about 50 shots in twenty seconds from our still camera.
These are the many moments that parenting is made for.
The music started, she sang loudly and appropriately followed along with the hand gestures. She was all smiles, bubbly and dancing in place. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, she began to cry. This poor girl turned beet red and stood there, fighting her tears, as she continued to sing. As a parent, I wanted to run up, grab her, and wisk her away. I even stood up, attempting to get her attention. Yes, I was totally that parent. I felt the blood rush through my body, as I stood there helplessly. Then, in the matter of seconds, the nursery school teacher, who my daughter adores, knelt down off to the side, but in front of the kids, to attempt to calm her. My daughter ran off stage, hugged the teacher, regrouped, then ran back front and center, where she proceeded to finish all five songs without a hiccup -she did give the teacher a thumbs up in between each song.
Once done, she ran off stage and into my arms, where I proceeded to tell her how proud I was of her. She said, "I did it mommy!" which such enjoyment.
She accomplished something great.
This experience was a completely new one for me. I have finally reached that age where other people now have the opportunity to comfort my child when I am not around. As a stay at home mom and an attachment parenting style, I have never been in this position to not be the one who comforted my child on all occasions. I am always there to be that person, it just never dawned on me that during school age, she would need to do things on her own -or, that it would approach so quickly.
Reality hit hard that night...
However, that statement is really the key thing. She calmed herself down on her own. The teacher was only there to reset her, but my daughter was the one who was able to maintain her composure and finish the concert. She is the one who matured enough over these past couple months to handle her emotions without mommy cuddling her and telling her everything will be ok.
She already knows everything will be ok.
I was incredibly proud and sad at the same moment...
...Proud that she accomplished something that a few months ago, she wouldn't have been able to do, but sad, that she is growing up and maturing into a more independent individual.
Those 20 seconds of fear, was all that she needed to revert back and finish what she was so eager to do... Something that she has talked about all week.
That night, bedtime was forced, as she was too animated to sleep. She said she was so happy that she sung in the concert and I told her how happy I was to have watched her. I then picked up her long, gangly body, as I rocked her to sleep, singing some of her favorite songs...
...Because on that day, she might have hit a major milestone, but she'll always be my little girl who needs mommy at certain times in her life. And I will cuddle her to sleep, as long as she'll let me.
I awoke this morning different than usual.
I stirred back and forth in my large bed, as my brain was awakening from a dream. My eyes opened, then the glare from the sun forced them back shut. I flopped my left arm onto the pillow next to me, as I stretched my body to full capacity. Realizing that the bed was larger than usual, I picked my head up noticing the pillow was empty. Confused, I looked around to see that my upstairs was vacant. I then propped myself up on my elbow and listened around... I heard giggles and squeals coming from the downstairs.
I smiled, before sauntering myself down the stairs to see my husband sitting in the middle of the floor, with both kids draped over him.
I could have stared at that image forever...
Breakfast was made and everyone was fed.
I realized it was almost 11:00 am and my husband had let me sleep, while taking care of the kids himself. That might not sound like a lot to anyone, but for me (or him), that was incredible.
My husband wasn't really the hands on dad that few fathers are. He's a hard worker that isn't afraid of hard labor -he'll work a 20 hour days if he had to. However, he wasn't the most comfortable being solely with the children.
*He's always present in their lives, just was more of the laid back father, who let me run the show.
With that, as time is passing and the children are growing, he's becoming better with the hands on process. He's falling more into a comfortable position and is enjoying the daily lifestyle of being dad.
He's taking more of an initiation, instead of letting the children come to him.
Now, when he walks through the door from work, his first thought is chasing my son and daughter down for lots of hugs and kisses.
He plays my daughter's other half to the duo, as they pretend to emulate a popular YouTube channel.
He plays a mean game of hide and seek with both children.
He isn't afraid to play beauty shop with my daughter and let her dress him up as a princess and get his hair done all pretty.
He fights his way through Gotham City while he and my son play Batman.
He cuddles on the couch with both children before bed, reading them some of their favorite stories.
I could watch these interactions all day, forever. There's a special connection between a father and his children. Much different than a mother and her children. This bond will be a special one that only he can achieve and continue to watch unfold. While I get to enjoy the benefits of the visual imagery.
Time is a crazy thing (I love that saying, because it's so true). Time passing can have a positive or negative impact on life. In my case, time passing has worked out wonderfully (in more than one occasion). I now get to sit back and indulge in the beauty of watching a blossoming relationship flourish in front of my eyes. Something that wouldn't have occurred, if time stood still. My husband's gradual transformation proves that we're always changing and developing, no matter how old you are. You're never too old to learn and gain from life's experiences.
My husband is a wonderful man, but, we were just on different wavelengths when it came to parenting.
Although, I realize my standards of parenting are a little different than the average, because I'm a total "hands on parent," who consumes my life with my children. Whatever they're doing, I'm always involved with. So my way of parenting is very different than what my husband was ever exposed to...
...So, I'm glad he was up for the challenge and not only supports my type of attachment parenting and helicopter parenting, but also participates in it as well.
And that makes him an incredible father and loving husband.
The heavy snow is blanketing the cold, stiff ground. The skies are dark and the sounds are eerily silent. With a hot cup of tea in my hand, I watch the snowfall through my picture window from the comforts of my warm home. Not a car in sight as far as my eyes can see. Everything is peacefully calm.
I check over my shoulder a few times, waiting to hear someone call my name, but the background is soundless, as both kids were read stories, rocked, and tucked into bed.
...Now fast asleep.
I sit alone to enjoy the stillness of the night.
But not alone tomorrow...
When the sun peeks through my daughter's white lace curtains, her eyes will open quicker than the rooster can cock-a-doodle-doo.
She will race to my room and beg to go outside, even before her stomach registered that breakfast hasn't been served.
Her brother will run too, not really knowing why, but he'll join in with excitement, to do whatever his big sister is suggesting.
Our day will be filled with outdoor air, sleigh riding fun, and snowman architecture.
...Anything their mind can imagine, will be achieved.
Then we'll warm up with a cup of hot chocolate, with lots of hugs and snuggles.
The next day, the rhythmic cycle will begin again... and I'll sit quietly, staring out my window, while watching the beauty of the outdoors unfold before my eyes.
...Until tomorrow.
