Mid Week Revelation: Pumpkin painting

The difference between a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old? The 4 year old paints her pumpkin, with great detail -without getting any paint on herself or the floor. Whereas, the 2 year old paints himself, then the floor -without getting any paint on the pumpkin.

Unstructured, imaginative play

The leaves are changing, the air is crisp, and the sun is shining. These days are perfect for outdoor activities. Simple, fun, with unstructured objectives, while the children are soaking up all the vitamin D their bodies will allow. 

Some people look at their backyard as a landscaped, grass cutting problem. Pretty boring, with always something work related to do.

However, when both of my kids see our backyard, they approach the situation with a different set of eyes. They see the backyard as an oasis, complete with unlimited imaginative abilities...

A perfect montage for swing play... Rock climbing... Or obstacle courses...

A magical tea party for two... A hot spot for discussing adventures... Or restaurant play...

Trees yearning to be climbed... Ninja warrior training... Or a home base for tag...

Unstructured play at its best...

Play time should be filled with unlimited walls and unlimited opportunities. Children should be allotted the time to develop their creativity through imagination and not be restricted to what a toy is only capable of. 

Anything can be anything and anything can seem possible... 

After all, play is a child's school. By mimicking adventures and encounters, they are learning how to physically produce the appropriate responses -with increasing dialogue. 

While having the space to not be bounded by rules of a toy or structured activity, my children have the ability to make use of their time more effectively. They play daily in my backyard, having so much fun with just themselves. But that's only what I see, to them, they're not by themselves...

-My daughter is singing Let It Go with Elsa. Or running through the woods trying to find the Ice Castle.
-My son is Lightening McQueen and racing other racers. Or he's a digger, trying to find precious gold in the dirt.

Life is filled with rules, and one of the greatest gifts of childhood, is the ability to play without rules...

...By not being confined, allows a parent to see just how special and individual their child is. Because everyone is different and has amazing attributes to contribute to this world.

Mid Week Revelation: Comparison

Apparently, telling your children to "go play in another room," elicits the same response as telling a teenager she "cannot go to prom with the quarterback."

Quiet time hasn't happened in quite some time

I plopped down on my couch, feet kicked up on the armrest, as I breathed in the sound of silence. The sound of nothing actually caused ringing in my ears, almost like a fan humming in the background. It felt like centuries since I have heard silence like that.

Lately, with preschool as an addition to our lives, my daughter has become overly attached. So attached, that I could actually step on her foot when I turn in one direction.

I'm thinking it's the separation that still has her emotional lability disrupted. This causes her to want to be next to me all day long, talk to me nonstop, and always wanting to keep me in view. However, I can't blame the poor kid, she's 4 years old and within those 4 years, she's only been left with my parents (outside of myself) -dropping her off at preschool must make her uneasy (even though she isn't crying anymore and is happily going).

So... Quiet time hasn't happened in quite some time.

Adding to that, my son has some sort of internal competition going on. It appears that he is trying to obtain the title of "textbook terrible two" toddler of the year... Is that a thing? If it is, I'd bet he'd win.

In fact, I'd bet he would be the poster child for it.

All you need to say is "no" to him and satin comes out. Seriously, my son morphs into this beast who I am completely unaware of. He throws himself on the floor, cries, kicks and spins -I think his head spun around 360 degrees when told he was leaving ToysRus, although, it happened too quick to be sure.

So... Quiet time hasn't happened in quite some time.

This is completely uncharted waters for me. In 4 years, my daughter NEVER threw a tantrum. She whined, a lot, and argues like a teenager, but never tantrumed. She uses logic and reasoning as her defense, whereas, my son just flails -obviously, he's not too creative yet. Although, I have a feeling with his sister as his guide, he'll be just as vocal soon enough -stating his case like I'm being cross examined by a defense attorney.

With all that, my days have been chaos. Lately, I have one child glued to me and the other crying over his sock hanging off his foot too far. At this point, neither child is able to be reasoned with. Both are having a hard time within their own internal selves. While, these problems may seem trivial and very frustrating to me, these are authentic problems that are causing extensive disruptions within their inner selves right now. 

As a parent, I am utilizing my attachment parenting strategies and conforming to help put her at ease. I am working with her in every attempt to guide her emotions and increase her feeling of security within our family...

I hug her -often.
I snuggle with her -often.
I talk to her -often.
I tell her I love her -often.
I praise her -often.
I tell her how proud I am of her -often.

Right now, she only needs reassurance, not conflict. 

My son also needs guidance, not punishment. He doesn't need to be put in "time out" when he screams. He needs to be allotted his emotion and talked through them, calmly. He needs to know that it is ok to be frustrated and mommy is here to help him. Not yelled at, shamed, or punished because of his feelings. Specifically, because he still isn't able to effectively vocalize all his thoughts and expressions. 

So... Quiet time hasn't happened in quite some time.

As a parent, these are the strategies that need to be utilized (for us), but as a person, I sometimes struggle with the constant tending. Especially when my son freaks out because I wouldn't allow him to eat his sister's crayon. The person part of me, wants to yell and cry with him, but the parent part (thankfully, the rationale part) is the patient and understanding one.

Who needs quiet time anyways?

That's the person who pulls them in closer, while telling them everything is and always will be fine.

So, consistent quiet time isn't here right now and it might not be here for another year or so. But that's ok, because my little ones need me more than I need quiet time. TV shows and social media will always be there, but my children's internal disputes are only a brief limitation. As I always state and restate, these young, demanding years, are only temporary and are the quickest stage to stumble upon. Adulthood and independence are the longest.

These babies, won't be babies much longer. 

So, when I'm frustrated and needing some time to decompress, I quickly flip through old photos of my children and relish the amazement of how much changed in such a short amount of time. Knowing, that with love and patience, this too, will quickly balance itself... That is, until another complicated problem arises...

Thus the never ending cycle of parenting.

Mid Week Revelation: Unaware of magical powers?

I often wonder what I should do with my magical power of invisibility? At first, I was completely unaware I had such a power, but then after I had a husband and children, it turns out, no one can hear or see me when I speak. So maybe I should fight crime or something?

Full circle: A girl and her poppy

Running from ride to ride, I could hear a raspy, hoarse voice chattering away behind me. If I closed my eyes, I swore I was hearing an old video of myself. 

It was enough to halt my movements and take me back. Back to a time when I was her age, enjoying all the simplicity of life. When deciding which ride I was going on was the biggest decision I would have to make. Back to a time, when I was the center of everyone's universe, just like my children are now.

No fears, because someone would always be there.
No worries, because someone would always fix them.

My daughter and my dad (her poppy) walked hand in hand through the entire amusement park, periodically stopping to admire all the wonderful Halloween decorations that were positioned throughout. They conversed about the upcoming ride, or just about how much fun they were having. He would occasionally scoop her up when she tired, letting her long legs dangle past his knees. The love between them is breathtaking.  

I stood behind the cold metal fencing, both a video camera and digital camera in each hand, smiling at the vision of my dad and daughter snuggled tightly on the Scrambler ride. Both laughing, that could be heard over the mechanics of the ride, and giggling over the joy they were experiencing together. She would pretend she was brave enough to sit on the other side of the chair, then let go, knowing he was there to hold her even tighter.

I smiled, while reliving the past experiences I encountered while on that same ride, many years ago, with my dad.

She exited the Scrambler stating, "that was the best ride ever!" Thankfully, my dad was able to ride it another 455 times because I was already nauseous from video taping them.

Go back almost 30 years, and you could easily swap my daughter and myself. We are a spitting image of each other, with our talkative nature and constant motion. However, I could still see myself walking that same amusement park, holding my dad's hand, talking up a storm with that same raspy voice. While screaming and leaning tightly into my dad's arm for comfort on rides.

I didn't need a video camera, as I felt like I have seen this movie before.

Standing against that cold metal fence, I saw a full circle come back around. It truly is amazing how quickly time passes. One minute, you're snuggled up next to your dad, the next, you're watching your daughter snuggle up next to your dad. 

She has picked up where time left off. She is the extra extension of me that fits perfectly into the finishing puzzle.

She is poppy's little girl, as I was daddy's little girl.

There is no ending to this... Just the beginning of a new memory... With it's own story to share.

Mid Week Revelation: Parenting, the free falling way

Sometimes parenting can feel like you're free-falling down a bottomless cliff, without the ability of a safety net to catch you. You might not have all the answers, feel completely helpless, and you might try every possible scenario to make something work, then the end result doesn't suffice. But this too, will pass. As long as you put your children and their best interest first, everything will eventually fall into place. In the meantime, the feeling of nausea will be the front liner.

New moms vs veteran moms

I was out and about, among a group of women of various ages. We were scattered among a big, Victorian house, having tea and scrumptious desserts. At some point, a group divided and was having a coffee klatch among themselves on the sun porch. I was standing against a pillar, tea in hand, overhearing the topic. The younger ones were discussing how much they couldn't wait until they are able to rear a child, while the older ones carefully listened on. I made my way over, because I couldn't miss this conversation for anything. I couldn't wait to hear these naive, young women educate the veteran mothers on how their life will be once a child enters it.

I had to laugh...

...Because I was one of those women -once upon a time.

I was that woman who had a play by play of how everything was going to go down. I had the exact time I was going to conceive (yep, I was a total calender girl) and had a perfect 9 month adventure planned out in my mind. Those months were going to be the best time of my life, complete with rainbows and butterflies. 

Then, once the child was born, this baby would be superb. This baby would sleep gracefully and I would be able to go about my day and finish projects that needed endings. Because I would have control over everything. I swear, there was a disney song playing in my head -the ones where the princesses are twirling around, talking to the animals. 

I remember hearing mothers talk about problems they encountered and I would think I had all the answers -how hard could it be?

One mother would complain how she couldn't get her already 12 month old to sleep through the night. I would think to myself, I can't believe she doesn't take control and MAKE that child sleep.

Because in my head, everything seemed so simple. Everything was controllable. This is a infant child we're talking about, right?

The child should sleep an X amount of hours.
Eat an X amount of hours.
Have play time an X amount of hours.

You get the picture. 

I remember being in a restaurant and hearing a child complain tables over from us. Or, a child climbing under the table and I was thinking, why can't these parents control their child?

Well, I'll tell you why...

Because people are not controllable. 

You can't control a child anymore than you can control a 250 lb adult male. Nor should you. These children have a completely different mindset than you ever will. Some things are more important to them, then to you, or, things are less important to them, as to you.


So with that, I now laugh at the humor of hearing a childless woman talk about all the things that will happen when they have their own child. I take it with stride because you'll never be able to talk them out of anything they're thinking. 

Let's face it, having a child is one of those things you have to find out on the job.

I learned this the hard way...

I had no idea what to expect before I looked into my daughter's eyes. That perfect idea I mention above, never happened.

When I finally became pregnant with my first, after MONTHS of trying -doing ovulation math, keeping a calender, and peeing on a stick every month -I was unbelievably sick. So sick in fact, that I swore I would die at any moment. I lost about 25 lbs, couldn't eat, drink, or be merry. I slept about 18 out of 24 hours and threw up around the clock. Labor was the only easy part of the whole journey (which was 100% natural). Once born, my daughter screamed the first year of her life. Never slept, hated sleep (didn't sleep through the night until roughly 2.5 years old). Couldn't latch, had trouble eating, couldn't tolerate solids, once introduced, she screamed when I was out of sight (so I used to dance around and sing like a broadway star when I was out of sight, so she knew I was still around), and had to be touching me the majority of the time.

I think back to when I was about 30 weeks pregnant, when I was starting to feel more human, and I would tell people how my life would go...

That I'll finish painting my upstairs bedroom while the baby slept 
-My daughter is 4 years old and it was never painted.

That my child would NEVER sleep in my bed 
-she started sleeping in my bed around 20 months old.

I will never rock my child, she will be put down in her crib, awake, and she'll go to sleep on her own 
-she was rocked until 2.5 years, hell, sometimes I still rock her at 4 years old.

She would have a schedule and follow it 
-she's 4 and still doesn't have a schedule. 

I would never bribe my child 
-She whines and complains while I'm on an important phone call and I give her a whole bag of cookies so she'll stop. She asks, "how many?" I respond, "take the whole bag."

They will be forced to handle things and cry if they need to (suck it up method) 
-Yeah, never happened, not even once.

I will never run over to my child if they fall, they'll dust themselves off and get back up 
-I run over as they're falling and hug them until they stop sobbing.

My children will never eat fast food -NEVER
-She eats Wendy's frequently.

My children will never eat a hot dog
-Hot dogs actually have become a staple,

My children will sit perfectly at a restaurant and never misbehave
-I'm the one with my children crawling under the table and sitting indian style on the floor, eating their food.

I will never hold my children for a duration
-I have bought wraps and slings to carry both of them for hours, daily.

My children will get dressed easily and walk out the door with ease
-Sometimes, they run out shoeless because it's just not worth the argument.

I will never be that parent who makes their kids their whole life. I will divide my time equally
-My children are my extension and neither have been away longer than 24 hours (rarity), except once when my son was born. They are, in fact, my whole life.

As you can see, I was too, that person. The know it all. I'm sure most of you had some idea of how life would be. And I'm sure it never turned out that way. One of my close friend's son was born 6 weeks ahead of my daughter and he was an excellent baby. I remember looking at him and thinking, "wow, this is easy." He was easily content and always happy. Obviously, he was a bad child to be around before my daughter -hindsight 20/20.

I was lucky with round two, my son was that easily content, happy baby. He slept on command, followed all the general rules, and entertained himself. However, I often wonder if he was a better baby because I had lower expectations this time around.

As time lapses, life regains itself. Raising children becomes easier. The problems become more complicated, but the neediness fades away, allowing your brain to focus more. Therefore, seemingly, easier. Problems become trivial when you sleep more and you don't have a child asking you 10,000 questions a minute. 

Having a child is one of the weirdest things in life. It's the hardest, most complicated adventure, but it can only be explored once you are a parent. Someone could tell you every gory details, but you'll always think, "that won't be me," because no one really knows until you're living it.

On this parenting journey, I have been brought down to reality and now living among the veteran moms, giggling at the irony of the new generation awaiting their turn.

Mid Week Revelation: Going against the grain

I've realized, when raising your children you have to go with your gut instinct and do what is best for them... No matter who you piss off in the process. You may be going against the grain and decide that following a more tradition path doesn't work, but that's ok, because this is your child and only you know what is the best solution for them. You are their only voice.