My schooling regret...

I live with a lot of regret when it comes to my children's schooling. I live with my past decisions gripping tightly onto my back, as I try to crawl forward...

Once upon a time, my children loved the idea of school. They would play for hours, using the sweetest voices, as they "taught" their students... They would listen intently to my worldly explanations and they would thumb pages of books so much, most are worn or teared.

As they embarked on the public school journey, I've watched the light fade from them. I've watched my bubbly high energy daughter tuck her personality inside herself. I've watched her love of learning quickly fall away. And, I've watched their play school turn from sweet, to them barking out threats towards their "fake" students.

School had completely changed my children... At the end, they were just a shell of their former self - Visually the same...

Homeschooling isn't a common idea in my town. I always knew I wanted to do it, but the constant negative remarks from outside people, the lack of understanding, and just the brainwashed mentality to follow the system you were once a part of, nudged me into the opposite direction... Eventually (thankfully), circumstances forced my hand and my oldest begun homeschool.

Immediately, my gut wrenched at how quickly we fell onto the pattern - how quickly, my daughter begun to love school again... And, how quickly it felt so natural for me... It tore at my soul, that we didn't do this from the start. 

And, it only took a few short months to see my old children's personalities once again...

I sat with my daughter last night... We talked about life and her everlasting desire to return to high school. And I asked, "why would you ever want to return to school?" She has these images of TV shows that play in her mind, of what she thinks high school will look like... I get it. I grew up with Saved By the Bell and desperately wanted my days to emulate that... But, when she talked about her 5 years of in-person school (k-4), my heart broke. She talked about how the kids always mocked her. She talked about how she ate lunch quietly. She talked about how people thought she was weird and the countless times girls ganged up on her and told others not to go near here... She talked about how she loved dressing up in her JoJo Siwa attire and bows, and even though the kids made fun of her, she still wore it anyway... And, she hopes by high school, the kids would be mature enough to learn how to accept others for who they are. And, staff would allow the kids a little more freedom over their experience and not dictate every move. Because, she wants that TV image of being in the hallway talking to friends, passing notes in class, and eating lunch in the gorgeous brand new cafeteria.

In 2020, I'm still shocked at how schools are run... After being a part of my Instagram community and seeing how homeschool children are raised from day 1 (and seeing my side of public/traditional schooling), I cannot believe there isn't a common ground between the two...

I cannot believe that teachers are with children for 7 hours a day and cannot stop kids from bullying each other. I cannot believe that schools have such control over children's every move - even down to where they sit at lunch, so children like my daughter, who had 1 good friend, she couldn't even sit beside her. Instead, she had to sit at a table with random kids, who used to make fun of what she brought for lunch.

I cannot believe in 2020, parents cannot treat their children with respect, so that they don't go into school and take out their frustrations onto the weaker link.

I just cannot believe how schools aren't an institution that promotes self growth and inspiration, instead of promoting standardized tests and competition among peers. And, what seems to be their life goal, to knock the spark out of children's lives...

Due to life's circumstances, not everyone can homeschool... But, school shouldn't be so drastically different homeschool... It shouldn't produced children who can potentially commit suicide, or have such low self esteem, or think they have to do drugs or alcohol to fit in, or who fixate so desperately on grades...

They should produce kids like homeschool does - children who are accepted, encouraged, supported, respected, and caring of others. Children, who see others from the inside, not what they wear or what click they belong to... Children who are independent thinkers and question life... And, children who can use the bathroom whenever they want... 

School can be so different... But, in order for school to change, we must first change the way we view children. We must understand that children are smart and capable of decision making. And, that they deserve the same respect that teachers expect... Once we view children as people and not little objects that we control - Then, we will truly break ground on making school a better environment.

______________________

Follow me on Instagram for daily posts and vlogs in my stories <3 Click here -->@the_happy_days

Here's how we homeschool...

From day one, I've always wanted to homeschool my children... Something about sending them off into an institution, where they are treated like cattle getting stamped at the entrance, never sat well with me...

When my oldest was younger, she was obsessed with the idea of school. She used to play it everyday and learning was her fun. We would sit for hours and do workbooks, instead of play... She just couldn't get enough. So, when it came time for preschool, I thought I'd just continue with our same home routine as we had being doing all along. But, she wanted to attend an actual building. Which broke my heart - however, we honored her wishes and she started her mark in the traditional education system

And, my second child just followed suit... I won't bore you with the details of what brought my daughter to finally be homeschooled - It's a long story - You could search all that in my old blog posts and watch the actual video rants leading up to her being pulled from school on my Instagram stories (they are saved in my highlights under, school rants)... Spoiler: My daughter was pulled from traditional school the beginning of her 4th grade year (last school year) due to some unrealistic, borderline corporal punishment rules that were instilled.

But, during the years they attended traditional school, I continued my distaste for the education system through my writings and Instagram rants - it was therapeutic for me and I felt like I was able to hold people accountable for the way they treated children. Deep down, I was hoping it would be an eye opener for some teachers and policy holders... Fun Fact: It wasn't.

Then, the virus hit and everyone was scattered all over the place and left to figure out their next move, which wasn't a move anyone was familiar with... During that time, it was more survival, than education.

Fast forward to this year, where (like most families) I was left trying to figure out what to do with my son... My daughter was already going to be home, that was a given. But, my son thrived in school. He loved it. He enjoyed being around all the kids and being part of the classroom... However, I just couldn't send him into this new, unrecognizable environment. I felt for us, it would just add unnecessary stress.

So, we went the same route as my daughter - our district's cyber program... And, both of my children absolutely love it and are doing so well with it... 

On Instagram, I get asked a lot about how we homeschool... Well, here's the low-down... We chose our district's cyber program because, it follows the same curriculum that their classmates are doing in school (although, not so much now, during the pandemic hybrid style). The reason for this is, my daughter talks about going to back to school eventually. She wants to attend high school and this program will allow her to slide back in flawlessly, without mismatch credits or any hiccups during the transition. On this cyber program, they could even attend every one of their specials in person. So, they get assigned a homeroom and they follow that homeroom's schedule - they could attend art, music, gym, STEM/health, and library in person, throughout the day, if they wanted. They could attend the in-person assemblys and any fun event they are having at the school... My daughter loved this because, she has been attending school in that district since preschool, so all her friends are there - technically, the cyber kids are still students in the district. So, last year, she loved the idea of only being dropped off for 40 minutes a day, to see her friends and do group activities, then being immediately picked right back up to go home.

Although, this year is completely different due to hybrid, so they can't attended any in-person specials. But, they're on the Google Classroom list and they are still able to participate with their videos and interactive events.

The reason I fell in love with this set up as a parent is, as a type A personality, I was always so nervous about traditional homeschool and where they would fall on the achievement side - like, would I keep them on track? What if I picked the wrong curriculum? What if they aren't learning enough? Essentially, things like that... Basically, I know that I need to be "deschooled." And, I know the homeschoolers who are reading this, are having an aneurysm - I'm sorry... But, I didn't want to go through that process, if my children were going to eventually end up back into the district anyways...

Our Homeschool Classroom

So, this program was the best of both worlds. It's just a preloaded online curriculum that is 100% parental involvement. There isn't a teacher - Hence, I'm the teacher. And, everything my children need to do, to stay on track, is all loaded in sequential order.

A typical day is... We wake up late, eat breakfast, then I sit down with my son and we do his work first, then I sit down with my daughter and do her work (because hers takes longer).  We start out everyday with a "read aloud book," which right now, is our Fall/Halloween stories. We cuddle on the couch and I read them them the story - It's a nice transition into school... I break up our classes into only 4 days out of the 5 days... We get 1 full weeks worth of assignments completed in 1 day - instead of breaking up every subject and doing a little each day... This way, they have 4 subjects and 4 days of online materials - which range from 1-3 hours a day. On that 5th day (which is usually a Thursday), we do child led learning. That means, they pick what they want to learn - It has nothing to do with the cyber program... We have workbooks they work on. We do chalk board writing prompts, they play Adventure Academy, Prodigy, we do science and social studies, watch documentaries - things like that... Or, that's our day to go on adventures, on trips, meet up with friends, etc...

My daughter with her online program

My son doing his offline materials

Reading additional materials on her social studies subject

Learning about maps

Our days look very similar to a traditional homeschooler. And, we are not considered cyber because, it's not set up like a cyber school - There are no teachers, no virtual lessons, no live groups, nothing... It's more or less like a homeschooler, who uses book curriculum, however, ours is online.

I hope this answers some of your questions that you all asked... And, if you're just stumbling upon this, I hope this resonates with you and helped you in some way... Just know, these are unprecedented times and what might work this year, might not work next year - Hang in there! You're doing great and you're making the best decision for your family... 

Be sure to check out my Instagram account - Click Here to follow all my daily posts... And, here are some random photos of our offline curriculum materials and some school room decor (My children are 2nd and 5th grade) -->

Thank you for stopping by <3

Technology isn't so bad... Here's why...

Being a tween in today's world is so much different, than being a tween in the late 1980s/early 1990s - back when I was a tween... You read and hear all about so many families who are anti-technology, have screen limits, or are screen free because, they're trying to mimic a lifestyle similar to their childhood - and of course, they have the right to do whatever they want with their own children - But, I think they're missing the main difference between our childhood and today's childhood...

Freedom...

When we were kids, we ate breakfast, hopped on a bike or walked to our friend's house. We then spent the entire day with them, pretty much doing nothing. Of course, some days were more productive than others, like a game of backyard baseball or teams of hide and go seek. But, 90% of the time, we sat on my porch and just talked or sat in my bedroom and listened to Alanis Morissette on the highest volume...

In today's world, kids can't just hop on a bike and go outside for hours without parental supervision. And, they can't just go to a friend's house and spend the entire day because, today's families are over scheduled - and someone has to go somewhere, at some point.

Kids can't ride their bikes throughout the town because one, it's not safe and two, someone would call the cops or file a report that kids are unsupervised.

You don't find groups of tweens and teens playing baseball in an open field or basketball courts filled - without parental supervision... Because, you can't. And, parents are too busy to sit there for hours - and besides, what early teen wants their parents lurking in the background?

So, what does that leave today's kids with? Technology.

It leaves them playing Roblox and Fortnite for hours, to emulate social interaction with friends... It leaves them talking for hours on video chat... And, their faces glued to phones, while texting...

They're trying to create a childhood of social interactions, but with the only tools they have... Sure, it looks completely different than we did it. However, this is a completely different time.

So, instead of viewing these tools as "brain eaters." Maybe we should start looking at them as their childhood of socialization. Because, not every minute of childhood, needs to be productive. And, there really isn't a difference between kids today sitting on video chat and talking about life or us sitting on a porch swing, talking about life in the early 90s...

-----------------------------------------

Catch me over on Instagram where I post daily in my feed and vlog in my stories -- Click Here!

My internal turmoil, with going back to school...

I've fought with this internal turmoil that boiled up inside me.... I struggled with what would be the best decision for us... And, in the process, I've lost a lot of sleepless nights...

Because, the truth is, what is the correct thing to do when you're in the middle of a pandemic and your state is reopening in-person schools, in only just a few short weeks?

My daughter is already homeschooled, so that was easy. However, my son was in traditional school (by his choice) and wanted to continue... But, after reading countless news articles, opinion pieces, and watching the numbers continue to rise, I decided that for my own sanity, both of my children would be home with me this school year...

Because, in reality, what will the idea of school even look like now, anyways?

Will there even be a glimpse of years past?

Even with the best of situations, it'll still be unrecognizable - elementary kids will not be allowed to eat in a group lunch room, no recess, no games, no assemblys, 6ft apart from your best friend, one way hallways with children slowly walking through with donned masks... And, the obvious, hundreds of kids and adults in one building, all interacting with each other...

Teachers are going to be frazzled because of fear.. Fear of trying to keep themselves safe and their students safe...

And, like I've said in previous post, not all children are resilient and this new layout could be very traumatizing to them...

So, if I really sat down to think about it, I feel like I was holding onto a concept, that no longer exists.

Probably like others, I also felt like keeping him home (when he wasn't ready) was doing him an injustice - because, he flourished in the traditional school environment. But, one thing I know from my daughter is, being taught at home is never the short end of the straw - in fact, it's pretty vibrant. And, with schools throwing curriculums together and fumbling with Google classroom, at least I know there will be a solid curriculum in place...

And besides, there really isn't a baseline for education this year. And, EVERYONE is in the same boat.

So, I've settled in with my decision and now I'm really excited to begin 2020/2021 school year - on our terms. 

...Hopefully, sleeping will resume..

_______________________________

Follow my Instagram Click Here for daily photos and stories.

Attachment parenting through the tween years...

So many times you hear about this crazy relationship that unfolds between a tween/teen daughter and her mother. You hear about the squabbles, sassiness, and banters. You hear about the door slams and the I hate yous...

Society mentally prepared you for this...

But, society doesn't prepare you for the parents who didn't raise their children in fear. Who didn't punish their children for every little wrongdoings. The parents who sat down with their children and guided them through tough situations with love and connection...

If they did prepare you for the latter, you wouldn't be shocked when your tween still snuggles with you and tells you how much they love you. Or, when your daughter runs out of her room to you because, she cannot wait to tell you all about her favorite YouTuber -Or, what her and her friends spent the last 2 hours talking about...

She wouldn't hesitate to come to you, to discuss difficult/new things.

It's strange because, society almost makes it normal to have these tussles and tifs - so many bloggers make quips and jokes about that daily - It's somehow normalized for daughter's and mother's to dislike each other for a chunk of their years. But abnormal, when children have a healthy relationship with their parents, instead.

I have to say, I was prepared for the norm, but thankfully, what I have is so much different. What I have, goes against anything I was ever taught.

And, I've never been so glad to be wrong.

_______________________________

*Follow my Instagram -Click Here for daily photos and vlogs in my stories...*

What the media isn't showing... Is all the love.

If you sat and listened to the news all day long, or even for five minutes, you'd think this world is filled with horrible people. When in fact, this world is really a beautiful place that houses the majority of good people -with a few stragglers here and there that could easily get voted off the island.

This world is filled with supportive and caring humans, who don't see color, race, or religion. People, who go out of their way to help a person down at any cost. Mainly, we are people, who see people... read that again...

But, the media isn't capturing any of that during this time... They're not showing all the cops who are hugging it out with the protesters or dropping to their knees, instead of using rubber bullets and tear gas. Or, the protesters who banded together to protect a police officer who was torn away from the others. They're not capturing the solidarity from all the other countries, who are standing in unison and protesting with us. They're also not capturing the protesters who are stopping the looters and turning them over to the police.

They're not capturing the pleas and cries, the pleases and thank yous, or the kneeling and praying... 

They're only capturing the buildings that are burning. The protesters who are attacking police officers. The police officers who are attacking protesters. The looters. The vandals... And so on, and so forth.

Because, that's not what the media does... The media is a corporation that fuels fires and creatives narratives.

And we can't fall for it.

There isn't an abundance of hate in this world. But, there is a lack of love and respect. We can no longer go about living our lives unconcerned about the impact we have on the world and on others. We need to realize, that when we make others suffer, we indeed suffer ourselves as well. We are all connected... We are all humans...

And it starts small. It starts with the parents who are raising the next generation... Because hate is learned, it's not something we're born with. 

Children are sponges and absorb everything they see around them... Mamas, they're watching you bitch and complain about the delivery driver not arriving fast enough. They're watching, as you yell at the customer service worker, because something didn't work out as you would have liked. They're watching you, as you belittle the waiter/waitress because, you're food wasn't as quick as McDonalds. They're watching your road rage. They're watching you fight with strangers on the internet. They're watching your disrespect for authority. Most of all, they're watching your disrespect for humanity...

See all the good in the world, see the beauty and be the change you wish to see. Be the light that guides others out of the darkness... Heal the world, and heal yourself.

Live with a purpose... 

And, let's love one another <3

-----------------------------------------------
Follow my daily posts and stories over on my Instagram page Click here to follow <3

The transformation of Motherhood...

Almost 10 years ago, my life was about to change... I never once believed it for a second. Seriously, how could one tiny human change everything about your existence, anyways?

I went into parenthood at almost 30 years old and set in my ways. I figured this new baby would just nonchalantly fit into my life and I could carry on, as things were...

But, as you could tell, that didn't happen... Not one bit.

In fact, I delve into a world that was the complete opposite of everything I was ever exposed to. Once my baby was born, I knew she deserved more, than what I pictured in my head... Every child does.

She deserved a mother who didn't think about her own needs and a mother who sacrificed everything to make sure she was first.

All of the sudden, there was this baby that didn't care that I never slept or sat up at night and watched her sleep, just to make sure she was breathing... She didn't care that I didn't see friends anymore or that I didn't shower for 4 days...

All she cared about, was her need for me.

My motherhood journey didn't start after giving birth, it started when I transformed. It started when I realized the secret to motherhood is quite simply, lead with love and support. Also, just be actively present and focus on the positive moments, while sweeping the hard ones under the rug.

Don't stay in the negative space and assume that when children do something wrong, it's intentional or a manipulative dig at you.

And, you can NEVER spoil a child with too much love and security...

My children have built me from the ground up -I didn't have a purpose before them... And, every day that I get to be their mom, is such a privilege and gift. My goal is to honor them everyday, by being the best version of myself. And, allow them to become the person they were meant to be, not something I created in my head.

So, on this mother's day, I celebrate the transformation of motherhood and my children's gift to me, of being the perfect versions of themselves.

Happy Mother's Day...

-----------------------------------------------------

You can follow my daily posts and stories over on my Instagram page - Click here to follow  <3

A grateful day, during quarantine...

Week 6 is tough... It's the toughest week yet - Probably because, the first few weeks were left with such uncertainty and fear took the forefront... But now, it's fatigue...

Pure fatigue.

Fatigue of doing nothing, but nothing is exhausting when you're used to always doing something... And, I've also noticed that because we're secluded, we easily forget the world is going on outside of us. We forget because, our source of the outside world is through the news and the internet - which is drawing fear and causing so much unnecessary mental anguish. And, 6 weeks of the news and internet is intense. 

Also, our weather has been horrid. The sun barely shines and the temperatures love to hover at a brisk 40 degrees - with rain, 6 out of the 7 days. Which doesn't help the isolation, at all. It doesn't help the feeling of being trapped, when you can't even get outside to breathe.

But today, it reached the high 50s - with sunshine.

The universe gave us an olive branch... And we gladly accepted.

I couldn't even believe my eyes, when I noticed something bright peering through my curtains. Was it someone reflecting a mirror against my window, signaling for help? Has the apocalypse finally begun??? Honestly, the sun was at the bottom of my guesses.

So, breakfast was eaten quickly and school was placed on the back burner - let's face it, this was a monumental occasion that should be celebrated. And, school can be done at any time... Plus, learning occurs all around us. It doesn't have to be a structured, sit down style, in order for a person to become educated.

So, we fled our home, like the bell rung at the end of the day of school...

Because, quarantine is rough without sunshine.

We skipped down our street and headed towards our favorite quiet spot. I carried a plastic bag, so we could gather sticks, flowers, rocks, bark, etc - anything we could use, to craft with later. My son had his new kid go pro camera to vlog the excursion. And, my daughter had her phone, where she documented all the steps we traveled.

We walked slowly, taking notice of the way the new buds on the tips of the trees looked against the blue sky. How the bluebells and dandelions pop against the fallen leaves... My daughter started her philosophical conversations that would continue, until my son chimed in with a beautiful flower he just picked -We stopped to clear a drain from debris, so the water passed freely - they both sat and admired the clarity the water made, after it was free.

We were almost there...

I placed myself in a field, with my back against the leafless tree. My children were doing cartwheels and running relay races around the big concrete loop. My son stopping to vlog about the experience and film some cool things on the ground. And, my daughter occasionally stepping off to the side to answer a video chat, but quickly exiting the conversation, so she could run with her brother. Both, continually talking to me about the world around them... 

I could sit forever and feed their inquisitive brains.

After my bag was full and our bellies emptied, we headed home for lunch. But, the urge to continue on with the day pierced our souls.

We needed more.

I thought back to my newly 16 year old self, when I would hop in my car, throw on a newly made cassette tape, pick up some friends, and we would cruise around town, listening to our favorite songs and sing at a god awful volume - while the windows were down.

And, that's just what we did...

However, instead of the cassette tape, I blasted the Bluetooth and my daughter controlled the songs from her phone. But nonetheless, we drove for almost 3 hours and let the wind blow through our hair and the sun cascade off our bodies and sung all the songs, as loudly as we could...

There is something so therapeutic about that and it seriously doesn't get enough credit.

And just like that, our souls were recharged...

Outside of the obvious mental stress that has been brought upon our lives from this virus, I could do this forever. I could ignore the world around me and just spend my days like today (with sunshine)... Just doing cartwheels in an open field, listening to my daughter try to dissect the world around her, and listen to my son find the beauty in everything.

So, when the outside world seems chaotic and scary, my inside world is secure and stable. And, during a pandemic, I'm so grateful for my life, the simplicity of it all, and the ability to enjoy it...

Stay safe. Stay healthy. Stay sane...

______________________________

*You can catch my daily posts and stories over on my Instagram account -- Click Here to follow me <3

My fears during COVID-19...

It's been almost three weeks since we isolated ourselves... The first week felt so natural, like it was our calling or something. I wasn't nervous, as I think I felt like the world was overreacting and it would all be over soon.

Even the second week, we enjoyed a loose schedule and the outdoor sunshine.

But, entering into our third week felt different. I felt the darkness lingering overhead. I felt a lump in my throat with every news alert that came through my phone. And, I felt defeated with every automatic call from our district.

I originally feared martial law and my husband's hours being cut and wondering how we're going to pay our mortgage, but now, I'm starting to fear the virus.

I'm fearing the uncertainty of it all. How symptoms and age groups seem to keep changing, like the sun rising and setting - It all just solidifies that no one really knows anything concrete and it's all an educated guess at this point.

The peak of the virus seems to keep changing and our "stay at home" orders are moving more than a drunk walking a straight line...

Additionally, I read about a healthy 12 year old girl on a ventilator and I cried. I felt the the stability leave my body and I feared for my children, even more. I fear a simple trip to the grocery store - that I'll bring something back to them - and they'll be that anomaly. 

Which is so strange because, this isn't normally me... I'm the one who thinks most of the media is overreacting and people believe things too easily. 

But, I felt safe in our little rural area. It felt freeing living where we have vast farmland and houses spaced. And, gave me peace and a false sense of hope, that we wouldn't see a case here. However, I recently caught wind of a possible case in our little town... Which made me want to board up the windows and retreat into the bomb shelter, I wish my husband would have built.

I know there are probably dozens of people walking around asymptomatic, that we're unaware of... And, I'm not quite sure why this virus feels so different - I don't know why I feel so consumed with fear and doubt.

But I do.

However, I also keep those fears to myself and plaster a smile on my face for my children... Because, what I want them to remember from all this, is all the fun they had with me - not the horrific pandemic going on in the world around them. I want them to thrive and continue business as usual. I want to continue our walks, our hiking adventures, and our patio campfires. I want them to enjoy our dinners on a blanket in the backyard. I want to bask in our kitchen dance parties and crafting fun and laugh into the night. And, I want to hear them laugh hysterically, as I attempt a flip on our trampoline... Remarkably, I shove my fears down as far as they can go, so I'm fully present with them... 

Family campfires...

 Family snuggles....

 Family walks...

Nevertheless, when the air is quiet, my fears swell... And, I fear for my husband, who has to go to work 7-8 days a week, with severe asthma labeling him as high risk...
I fear what the next few months will look like... If education will be haulted, if schools will remain closed, or if schools will even go back in the fall? I wonder if our yearly amusement park trip and our beach vacation will be cancelled. And, if friends and family won't be face to face for months.

I fear for the people who don't have the financial means to stock up, in order to limit their grocery store visits. I fear the one time stimulus check won't be enough to carry families past a single month...

I fear what the world will look like over the next few months because, it's going to get bad, before it gets better.

Afterwards, will people realize how much we really don't need in life? 
-Will they understand how important family and friends are? 
-Will they appreciate that money shouldn't be the most important drive in life?

In the depths of this, I never realized how much I enjoyed my simple prior life...

...I miss just walking out of my door and wandering around a grocery store, reading packaging after packaging... I miss the routine of taking my son to school and stopping for coffee afterwards... I miss having the need to get dressed and changed out of my pajamas... Simply, I miss being around strangers in a building and talking to the person behind me in line about the weather.. 

Jammies for daaaaayyss!

I'm not sure what this world is going to look like after all this... I wish I did, because my brain works so much better with the known, versus the unknown... But, I'm so hoping everyone realized who was there for us, when world needed them the most - the grocery store employees, gas station attendants, restaurant workers, healthcare workers, teachers, and so many more... So, when it's all over and we're rushing out the door getting back to our lives, I hope we remember those places and patron them as often as we can...

Because, I want to believe life will eventually go back to normal... That social distancing will not be the new norm... That, we'll be able to hug our parents and grandparents and go to the park and grocery store, without worrying about passing the virus...

Life will resume.

And when it does, we'll all pause for a moment to thank everyone who put their lives on the line to keep us safe, healthy, and fed... And, we'll mourn the ones who were lost - because, we were all in this together...

Furthermore, when that normal does resume, I hope we never forget that we were all in this together...

__________________________________

*You can catch my daily posts and stories over on my Instagram account -- Click here to follow me <3 

My vulnerability during a pandemic...

I keep distracting myself with activities and just being with my children. I feel this urge to keep busy, but I also have this urge to sit and stare out a window... My children and I go for walks in the sunshine and have pretend adventures in our woods... On my face, I'm smiling and laughing. But on the inside, I'm screaming.

In my home, we're just going with the flow. I'm allowing my children to regulate themselves by doing whatever brings them joy. Because, in times like these, that's what we all need.

I'm distracted for the most part, by doing what I love - being with my children... But, as soon as I'm left alone, my mind starts racing - Because the truth is, I'm scared.

I'm scared that my husband is an essential employee and is out everyday. I'm scared that keeping my family safe, isn't in my full control. And, I'm scared that we're not being told everything, in fear that society can't handle it.


...We have been self isolated since March 13, with only my husband going to work...

And, being isolated with my children isn't the problem. I could do this for years... I also stay in touch with friends and family on the phone and video chat. My daughter keeps up with her friends on her phone. And, my son plays his games with the world...

Socially, we're not feeling any weaknesses.

And, except for the minor questions my children ask, they're thinking this is all pretty fun...

It's fun, because as a parent, I've mastered the ability to let them be children and exclude them from the fears that are on my mind...

I can't let them see me sweat.

I keep my children informed, with age appropriate facts. But let's face it, for me, I like to speculate and I have trouble sticking to only facts - my brain loves to run wild with the, "what ifs."

So, when I have down time, I feel my skin crawl with uncertainty. My anxiety revels in the fear it creates and not knowing what lies ahead, fuels the fire within.

I find my eyes well up with tears, each time I read the alerts my phone, telling me who else contracted the virus. I feel it closing in on us and I just want to shut off the world.

Ironically, I'm usually the one who thinks everyone overreacts... And the truth is, before kids, I worked as a behavior therapist during the swine flu pandemic and just wore a mask and gloves (because, I cannot stop touching my face), and went about life as usual. I worked in schools and homes and never batted an eye... But, once you become a parent, you don't feel as invincible, as you once did... That urge to be one of those spring breakers down in Florida saying, "who cares if I catch corona!" doesn't seem as appetizing anymore.

Because, as a parent, you do care.

You don't want to be that one statistic where your child has a reaction that no one else did. You don't want to be that sole death, that hasn't affected anyone else throughout the globe... Why would you want to chance any of it, if you didn't have to?

So, in a time when everything feels so unfamiliar and life is thrown upside down, I'm grateful for my children and their ability to see only the positive. I'm grateful for my husband staying on video calls, well into the middle of the night/morning, to entertain my crazy thoughts. I'm grateful for my friends, who text in our group chat daily, just to stay in touch. And, I'm grateful for family, for staying in touch.

I'm grateful for the time to slow down and pull inward in our lives.

I'm also super grateful for Dish Network, for releasing the Hallmark channel to every package, because that station has pulled me away from the news...

Moreover, I'm grateful to watch humanity come to life. I'm happy to experience the world coming together in a way that hasn't been felt in decades, centuries, or at all. I love how everyone knows we're in this together and it's creates a different environment - a supportive, loving, atmosphere.

I love watching the singing throughout Italy, Facebook porch songs, live zoo feeds, live library story times, putting hearts in your windows so kids can find them on a scavenger hunt (we have one in our window, too), and countless other things...

So, in a time when life feels so out of control, I'm grateful I'm not alone... And, I'm eager to see what this world will look, on the other side...

Furthermore, I hope to god at the end of all this we get to say, "boy we overreacted." <3

__________________________________

You can follow daily photos and stories from me over on my Instagram page - Click Here

A day in a life, during a pandemic isolation...

As the world is literally in complete uncertainty - and we all aren't entirely sure how our days ahead will unfold - for us, it's been truly wonderful to just pull inward and slow down.

It turns out, I'm perfectly happy and content just being home with my children - it brings me back to when they were little and the days belonged to us, not society time constraints...

The first few days, I obsessed over the news. Every time I put my phone down, I immediately picked it right back up to analyze all the new information being pushed. My little small tube TV that sits on my kitchen counter, had the news playing constant. Heck, those first few days, everything was changing so rapidly, I really felt like I was missing something, if I wasn't glued to it.

But, after our schools closed, I felt a sigh of relief. I really felt like I could finally relax, as I think most of my anxiety was stemming from my child being away from me, during these uncertain times.

For us, it wasn't hard to get into a groove. My daughter is already homeschooled, so it's business as usual for her. And, I know I rant a lot on my social media Instagram page about our school system, but they deserve an A+ for canceling school for 2 weeks, without sending work materials home - I really feel like everyone needed time to process what is going on with our current new normal, without having to do school work on top of it all.

We're homebodies in general. But, like everyone else, we have lives outside of the home. My daughter and son's evenings are usually filled with extracurricular activities and events. So, even though we enjoy being home, it's a difficult time for them to adjust not having their normal, with their friends.

So, instead of packing our days with colorful charts that schedule everything down to the minute, we are just living. Furthermore, I am taking this time to let them do whatever they want to fill their days, as I am doing the same... However, their days look so much more productive than mine - I am shoving my face with junk food and watching Hotel Impossible.

Currently, my daughter does her school on the computer, whenever she feels like it. She doesn't have a time frame, just as long as she stays up with her lessons. And, I do some reading activities with my son, only because he has struggled with reading and has surpassed the district's goals for this year - and I don't want him to lose that progress.

But, the rest of our day consists of free play. Absolutely any kind of free play... I'm looking at it as our Spring Break... 

-Playing Fortnite. Even my husband has joined in, too.
-Online Roblox playing with their friends, who they cannot be face to face with.
-Video chatting with friends.
-Making silly Tik Toks.
-Texting with friends.
-Sending cute videos and photos to friends.
-Outdoor adventures.
-Hiking in our back woods.
-Trampoline jumping.
-Swingset playing.
-Dance parties.
-Watching movies.
-Doing parkour in our home.
-Using our gymnastic equipment.
-Practicing Karate.
-Board games.
-Playing family charades.
-Creating art.
-Building the best Lego land in the home.
-Vegging out, while watching YouTube.

*There are so many more details, but this is just to name a few... As you can see, there aren't any micromanaged topics - And in reality, our days prior to the pandemic, don't look too much different -as I'm not much of a schedule type person. I believe in children controlling their lives and learning how to balance their items/responsibilities throughout the day.

And today, our district already sent a message that there will be some kind of school materials worked out within the next week. So, at that time, we'll resume some what of a normal routine - well, as normal as we can be, in self-isolation.

But, free play will still be the center point of our days...

Here are some photos of what our days have looked like.

You can see daily photos and stories on my Instagram page - Click Here.

...As a parting message, just know that our children are watching us -They're watching our reactions and our behaviors. So keep smiling and use this new found free time to be engaged with them. Basically, be the fun parent. Let them stay up late, talk to them often, answer their questions, and just laugh... And know, you're doing great, as there isn't a parenting protocol for this type of situation. 

The world is all in this together. And for the first time, we are all truly stopping and smelling the roses.

*And remember, practice being distant socially, instead of socially distant -- stay in touch with friends and family and let your children stay in touch with their friends (whether it's through a phone, video, texting, or video games -they need it, too)... 
And, check on your neighbors.
Be kind.
And, stop hoarding toilet paper... <3