Today finally concludes the last day of our school year. And it was one of the longest, drawn out and emotionally charged, years I've ever experienced.
But here we are, on the 180th day, a day that didn't feel attainable just a few short weeks back. And now that we're here, it's bittersweet to say the least.
For one, I'm enamored to get my daughter back with me for 24 hrs/day, 7 days/week. To just snuggle her everyday, be on our own clock, and be here to answer her 100,000 questions a minute. And, to also help build back up her confidence, that was torn down over the school year.
Secondly, I'm pretty heartbroken to be losing such an amazing teacher this year... As a stay at home mother, especially a peaceful parent, it takes a lot to impress me with outside assistance. But my daughter's teacher not only impressed me, but she exceeded every expectation that I ever had from a teacher. She is a teacher who took the time to invest in the emotions of her students. She didn't demand control over them, instead, she let them learn how they needed. Because to her, the end result was more important than the process. She is incredibly patient and understanding with her students and she let them be kids - a concept that is sometimes lost for elementary aged children. She had a wonderful balance of schooling and unschooling, which from a public school teacher, completely stole my heart...
In hindsight, I almost regret my daughter having her, because now, the bar was set so high, that I fear other teachers will have difficulty reaching it.
Additionally, I'm nervous upon conclusion, that the board will meet the demands of the teachers (if you've been following, you know about our district's strike and the ongoing negotiations)...
Also, I want to brag for a moment about my children's school. Because there are a lot perks, that I don't think our residents realize other districts don't have... Our school is amazing -top notch for a public school. It actually mirrors a Montessori program with it's limited regimented structure. And to those similar parents like me, you know how awesome that is.
For a public school, our class sizes are small, like 20 kids on average. And they rotate the children through smaller groups throughout the day to keep the sizes even smaller. Our elementary doesn't have grades, they use, approaching expectations, meeting expectations, and exceeding expectations. They test the kids over the four quarters and each marking period, they're evaluated and moved in and out of those smaller groups for reading and math. So they get the special attention they need, or continue on a faster pace if needed... Also, if you have a disabled child, or a child with disabilities, they have countless aids, personal nurses, and staff designated to your child... We're also one of the few remaining districts with library class, music class, and art class. Plus, countless other activities like a school garden, field day, field trips, outdoor trips, sleigh riding in the winter, programs, etc.
I'm not great with numbers, nor the accountant for the school, but if the teachers receive what they're requesting, I'm nervous all the wonderful perks I just mentioned above will vanish. Because realistically, there is only so much financial wiggle room and our taxes are already one of the highest, if not, the highest in our area. And you see it all the time with budget cuts.
But, less money equals less programs. And, less programs means more structure and less moving about. Then, this district, which is nationally ranked and coveted by other districts, will soon be just like all the rest.
And that stresses me out more than this school year did.
And I know, the easy solution is to homeschool. Hell, I talk about it enough. But right now, this school offers so much that my daughter loves, it's just the social factors she has trouble with.
Lastly, I'm deflated that I woke up this morning and in the blink of an eye, I now have a second grader and preschooler in my home.
Everything that occurred this year (with the school), distracted me from the bigger picture. And, I'm not as prepared as I thought I would be. And I don't think my daughter was either...
She spent the last night, before her last day, chatting about the year. We sat on her bed, in the dark room, and reminisced about her fun times, meeting new friends, and times spent with friends. And now that the day is here, she doesn't want to say goodbye.
She also cannot fathom that she'll be a second grader either...
I'm glad that makes two of us.
But as I sit here and write this, I'm happy that this is the last day that I'll be home during the day without my little girl. That, starting tomorrow, our summer break officially begins. And from here on out, we anticipate our camping days, nighttime fires, amusement park trips, birthday parties, adventures, swimming, and our end of the summer beach vacation...
And even though our summer break isn't as long as everyone else's, ours will still rock just the same...
We might have arrived late to the party, but we brought the music...
So, let's get this party started!
If bread really is the problem to my weight gain, then, I really don't want to find the solution... Motherhood, where peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are my little slices of heaven.
The Happy Days Blog
Just like my daughter, I could remember going to school until June 30th, during my sixth grade year. Although, that wasn't due to a teacher's strike, but instead, a State of Emergency was declared during a blizzard.
But looking back, I cannot remember what the weather was like in late spring. I cannot remember if I craved the end of the year so I could be outside all day, or to sleep in, or just be out of school. However, I do remember the countdown that was taped to my pink bedroom wall, as the school days seemed endless.
The good thing about this year is, our weather is horrible. It has rained almost everyday since March, with only scattered sunshine intermittently. The temperatures are warm, but the air is too wet to enjoy it, with an impending rainfall ready to ignite at any moment. So when I drop my daughter off at school, I don't have that urge to rebel and keep her home. I figure, she's not missing anything by being at school (not like this time last year, when we were at the lake everyday).
But either way, like her mama, she has a countdown written on her calendar. She's waiting for that last day with high hopes. Because to her, and every other child, that last day signifies the beginning of summer.
The days where we wake up and lounge in our pajamas until noon, or swim in the pool before breakfast, eat dinner around the fire on the blanket, or swim in the pool under the glow of the outdoor strung lights.
Summer is a time when the day isn't over because of an early bedtime. Instead, it's over when the skies are dark and our bodies are tired...
... From when we jump on the trampoline so many times our tummies hurt. Or, we hike around the woods until the adventure is over. Or, dance to 80's songs in our pajamas in the kitchen, while making muffins at 10:00 pm.
Summer is also a time when we aren't tied down to schedules or someone else's time clock...
Something that as a stay at home mom, I don't take for granted... Not for a second...
In my home, summer time is when we unplug ourselves from technology (with the occasional TV show or movie at night). And by joining in with my children, I'm able to give them a summer like I had in the 80's. Complete with bike riding through the neighborhood, amusement park trips, lake trips, camping trips, and ending the summer at the beach...
So, as we round this last week of school, our bodies are anxiously waiting at the starting line. Waiting for our days to begin...
Because childhood is meant to be enjoyed. And what a better time for that, then when the air is warm, the nights are long, and the time is free.
It's funny how watching my children nap during the day brings me such peace and accomplishment... Whereas, watching my husband nap during the day will raise my blood pressure to the point of making my ear pulsate... Motherhood.
The Happy Days Blog
Sometimes, I'm a bit too bossy...
Sometimes, our children are like oil and vinegar...
Sometimes, our daughter HAS to get the last word in...
And sometimes, our son can be a little over-sensitive...
But despite our faults, you keep on smiling. You see the sunshine, rather than the rain. You keep on loving us just the way we are, at our worst and our best, while never asking for change. And, you still continue to give us your all...
Happy Father's Day...
As the surrounding districts are finalizing their last days of school, we still have another three full weeks left -thanks to the courtesy of our teacher's strike that occurred mid year <insert sarcasm>
And this year cannot end quick enough...
It's almost like we're sitting through a horrible movie and desperately watching the clock slowly tick by. Or, strangely enough, it's just like being in school.
This year will conclude my daughter's first year of full day school. And between the 5 week strike, 2 different weeks of being sick, and a 7 day Florida trip in between, it's been too inconsistent and has caused tremendous backlash.
From day one of preschool, I have watched my tearful daughter slowly saunter away from me. Sometimes hesitantly, and other times, forcefully. And as time went on, I always assumed school would become easier. I assumed once we developed a steady pattern and friendships grew, walking through the doors would become routine.
But in fact, it's just gotten harder...
School for my daughter isn't drawn out like the TV shows portray. It's actually the opposite. So far, she's been teased at lunch for her food choices, called a baby on many occasions, left alone at recess, mocked, and harassed by a boy daily, to the point where she's been knocked down outside by him and his friends. -And, we live in a very wealthy, nationally ranked, district too.
As those of you who follow my blog, you know my children are very different from the majority. As I am, a very different parent. (Peaceful parenting hasn't yet become mainstream). My children are not controlled by me or told how to think. I allow them to challenge me and question me, in order for them to learn how to independently think. I parent out of love, not dominance. They don't watch certain TV shows or movies that other kids their age watch. And I never have adult conversations around them or talk to them as if they were old enough for adult content. My goal of life is for them to have the longest childhood possible --And I baby them. A lot.
So, as I released my very sheltered daughter out into this other world, she is slowly adapting -like, sloth speed.
And unfortunately, her inherently social awkwardness from her father, penetrates the vast majority of her day. She has this righteous personality and tries her hardest to make sure everything and everyone are always equal. She is the first to state when someone isn't following the rules and won't hesitate to correct them. She also is the first to point out when bullying is occurring and stands up for the underdog by telling a teacher. And sadly, she believes everyone is her friend and gives her all to be part of a group of kids. -- And as you can guess, these traits don't mesh well with first graders.
But as time is passing, I'm not sure that I want her to adapt this young. I'm not sure I want her to fully realize how cruel and heartless people are, at only 6 years old. Especially when, her brain isn't even mature enough to understand it all. And I find it sad that at only first grade, she already has to learn to toughen up and abandon all her preexisting emotions to fit in. I dislike that she already has to learn that not everyone is on her side and not everyone wants to see her succeed. (She lives in a home where her parents envelope themselves in her life. And has a mother who would stop time, just to hear her out and patiently try to understand her. And she's finding out, that other people, including adults, won't give her that time and consideration).
And now, when my home is quiet at night, I find myself thinking back to this child who was once always happy. Who didn't second guess anything about herself. Who was as confident, as I am eating cupcakes.
To a different child...
A child who is sad the night before school begins and holds onto bedtime snuggles about 2 hours longer than she should. A child who cries in front of the double doors almost every day and begs me to keep her home. A child who sometimes comes home and secludes herself off in the playroom and doesn't like talking about her day.
But that original child is still there. I see her on the weekends or over long breaks. I see her bubbly old self shine through and wake up happy and ready to talk my ear off about something funny she just remembered. Or, when we dance around our kitchen to the Trolls soundtrack and she thinks her moves are fabulous.
As an innate problem solver and a mom, I want those days to dominate. I want to figure out how to give her the best of both worlds...
I've always dreamed of homeschooling my children. I love the concept of unschooling and learning on their pace, and not being tied down to so much structure and repetition. I also enjoy the idea of sheltering my children from things they don't need to experience, until they are old enough to process what they're living. But sadly enough, she enjoys aspects of school. She enjoys learning from a teacher and loves the structure of rules. She enjoys talking to her few friends at lunch about her softball games or what happened on The Thundermans.
I'm not sure what the answer is, but right now, I'm just following her lead. And counting down the hours until school is over... However, what I do know is, when she steps into my car after school, she gets the longest, biggest, hug ever. And she gets 'me and her' time when she comes home and she's told how wonderful she is, about a million times a day. (And, we dream of summer break and all the fun we'll have being with each other, without the constraints of school and the regimented program).
Because, I can't always be with her when she's older. So I have to build her up now and be the positive voice in her ear, when kids are being mean to her. And when life throws curve balls, I want her to face them and deflect them with the confidence of a lion, while holding onto her principles and morals. And even though she's not there yet, eventually, she will be. But until then, I'll be there as her guard, deflecting whatever is thrown at her... Because even as she ages, she'll never stop being my child and needing my help, and I'll never stop wanting to help her either...
