But instead, I'm the most content I've ever been.
I never had "those years" that everyone else had. I never had a specific time frame to look back upon and think, wow, those were my best years.
My teens were an awkward mess... I didn't have a lot of friends and I never felt comfortable in my own skin. I spent most of my time trying to get lost in a crowd. And I never belonged in a certain place.
I met my husband when I was only 21 years old. And he saw something in me, that even I didn't see. And through him, I grew. And as I aged, my mind and body assimilated.
Then, after I had my children, my inner light was lit. I don't know if it was the empowerment of childbirth, or crazy hormones, but I begun to see myself in a different light... The same light my husband saw all these years.
And even though I'm no longer a size 2/4, and have more gray hair than ever, and have perpetual dark circles forever ingrained under my eyes, I've never felt more real.
Myself, at almost 40, has finally lived...
I have memories of travel, watching the sun rise up in over 20 different states, I had a paper map on my lap while I ventured across the country, and I went to enough concerts and band venues to fill at least two Ugg boot boxes with ticket stubs. I've taken random drives and gotten lost. Swam in an ocean in January. Drove through a desert at night. I have birthed two children and watched them surface Earth-side. I am in love with motherhood and inspiring other moms to do the same through my blog. I am writing, which I love to do, more than what I went to college for. And, I married the most perfect person for me. I survived the first year of marriage, survived colic, and survived a breast tumor scare.
My soul is a road map of where I've been...
At 20, I couldn't say any of that.
At 25, I couldn't say most of that.
At 30, I couldn't say half of that.
But at 36, I can say all of it.
For me, aging has been a blessing. It has brought more wisdom upon me that my twenty-year-old self, never saw coming. With that, I see the world much differently now and I value my self worth based on my inner self, not what I have or what I can show off.
And I cannot wait to see what the next decades have in store for me, because I have a feeling, my best years are yet to come...
*Here's another past post of my birthday and how motherhood has changed me... My 34 trips around the sun...