I don't fear aging... I'm not one of those girls who begins to stare in the mirror and analyzes her sudden aging flaws... In my family, there has been so many deaths, at such young ages. I honestly view 40 years old as a magnificent milestone. Being 40 feels like an achievement that I worked very hard for. So, I am grateful for the chance to celebrate being this age.
Throughout my years, I've had the opportunity (and thankfully, the awareness) to grow. I feel, with each passing year, I become a better version of myself - and my competitive nature never lets me feel satisfied with my status, which leaves me always wanting to improve.
My journey of growth began when I first became a mother... I know I know, it's a cliche, but my children truly shaped me into who I am today... But, like a lot of mothers, I could never find the proper balance in my life. I had immense difficulty juggling being a mother and a person - Honestly, I still don't have it figured out yet. But, as my children age, their maturity is forcing me to figure it out. They are growing into their own person and biologically pulling away from "mom" -which is completely normal. However, this is leaving me left alone with a person who is unrecognizable...
My 20s were about self discovery of who I was away from my parents. Those were the years of selfishness and trial and errors... My 30s were my self discovery of who I was as a new mother. These were also years of trial and error, but also, loss of an identity... And, I believe my 40s will be a self discovery journey of who I am as a mother and a new person.
I will navigate these years, trying to figure out how to proceed as my children grow a life of their own. I have to begin to discover who I am outside of "mom"... What are my likes? My interests? It sounds funny, but a decade is a long time to enter into limbo.
What I do know is, I am going into my 40s as a strict vegan, gluten-free, and soy-free human. My hair is almost completely grown out gray. I have a newly diagnosed health condition (POTS/neurocardiogenic syncope) and lasting COVID symptoms -including my hair falling out... I lost 40 lbs and besides my erratic heart, I feel the best I have in my life... My children are 11 and 9 years old and I've been with my husband for 19 years... I have done respectful/attachment parenting from day one and my relationship with my children has been so rewarding.
Oh, and I made it in my college's Hall Of Fame for field hockey this past year...
I feel like the 40s are the new 20s. This is that second round of being care-free and living life for yourself. Our children are older now and we're all much wiser.
I feel excitement entering into this age bracket -like I should be sitting around a table with a group of my friends and toasting to new beginnings, or something like that... I really feel these are my years to shine - Sure, I'll never taste gluten again or have a pop tart... But honestly, I'm ready for it all...
Because, my life is about to change drastically this decade - just as it did for my 30s. And hopefully at the end of it, I would have figured out the balancing act so much better than I did in my 30s...
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