Friday, March 31, 2017

A little rant... School. Peaceful Parenting. And just basic human kindness.

I had something happen to me today that rendered me speechless. And for those who know me personally, know that's a feat. In fact, I usually strive to have the last word in any situation. But today, it took me far too long to process what I heard.

After months of trying to coax my daughter to effortlessly walk through the school's front doors without hesitation, she finally has been on a positive streak. But, that was due to having her walk with me to the inside of the double doors (the breezeway area -the part before the locked set of doors). I've been doing this as a way to take her away from the distraction of all the other children and in case she started to cry, it would save her from embarrassment. 

And since this whole debacle of the teachers strike has continued this far and now, the teachers refuse to open the doors a minute before their contracted time, this was my alternative for the best interest of MY child.

So today, the teacher who stands outside every morning, walked past us and a special needs family and repeatedly stated, "you're not supposed to be in here." Then with attitude said, "parents need to follow the rules to have order." Which really threw me for a loop. So much, that I couldn't even quickly reply...

This is just elementary school, right?
A socialism program that 60% of the funding for this district is paid by the taxpayers (I've attended too many school board meetings since the strike). 

The funny part was, when I went back home and reviewed the policies, it only stated that families cannot enter the building without signing in the office first... Nothing about being in the locked off section.

Then, this led me to that infamous statement... "well, if we let you do it, then we have to let everyone do it."

Then let everyone do it...

We're living in a society where it somehow became socially acceptable to put more faith in other caregivers of authority, than ourselves. Parent's do it automatically... My children are going to school, not prison. I'm not signing over custody to them for 7 hours a day, they're still mine. And if I want to stand away from the crowd in a separate area to say goodbye to my daughter, I should be allowed to. Hell, the teachers are putting their needs first with this strike, why shouldn't we as parents put the needs of our children first. And I'm astonished that there aren't more parents who don't find all this absurd. And, to use the statement, we need order, reminded me of a regime, and that's the part that rendered me speechless.

But frankly, it's more about control. I've written time and time again about how children always get the bum deal in all this. How they're the only group who have absolutely no say or rights in their own lives. And many would say, it's because they're not old enough to understand. And yes, there is truth to that. But, they're old enough to know when they're being disrespected and not trusted.

All these rules and policies are written to obtain control over the child. Their day is ridden with threats and punishments. Maybe not corporal. But punishments of no recess or not being able to participate in fun activities, if they do something wrong. Not participating, is more detrimental to the child's welfare than, it just being about fun. Children need breaks in the day and a way to diffuse anxieties and being bored. Preventing this, will only cause more disruption.

And I can't imagine that fear of doing something wrong is actually helping progress a child's education (or even help behaviors at home), especially, if they're not exposed to it.

I raise my children in a home without punishment. There are no threats or items being taken away. They are being raised with mutual respect and understanding. And communication of emotions in a loving and secure environment. 

And, it's not that I need anyone to treat my children differently. But how about, they treat every child that way. Why do children need to be feared into listening? Can't they just listen because that's the correct thing to do? Can't they be given that extra second or two to be explained?

Why must we shout at children like they're cattle, not moving in the correct direction? Why must we continue with the old way of, if one child acts up, then the whole class is punished? Haven't we progressed more as a society to accept the psychology and understand basic human communication?
--Basically, in order to be respected, you must show respect.

I'm even more floored that I'm looked at as odd because, I care about these issues. What seems mundane to others, is a big deal to me. And with that, I'm mocked as a "hippie" or, "snowflake" or, "babying my children" because I care about their well being and the way they're being treated out of my care. 

Because I decided, that the old way of doing things, isn't necessarily the best.

Besides, children do not all have the ability to externalize what they're processing, like adults do. They don't easily brush things off. Instead, they internalize it all. When something happens to them, they think it's directed solely at them and they begin to doubt themselves. With that, teachers have the innate ability to make or break a child. Some would say, they have too much power. Contrastingly, the ability of an adult dealing with a boss who is down right mean, comes with age. It comes when the brain matures and you stop thinking the world revolves around you and everything that is happening around you, is about you. A skill that makes puberty unbearable.

So, being tough on children and drawing attention to their weaknesses isn't going to help them grow. Moving cards from green to red isn't going to motivate every child. Just like, secluding them from the class isn't going to add positivity. Instead, it creates unnecessary insecurities and embarrassment, as they age.

If schools (and even parents) focused more on positive reinforcement versus the negativity, you'd lose that negative attention seeking behavior and the urge to rebel against the walls of structure and rules. You'd be surprised what happens when you give children a little control over their lives and the respect to allow them to make mistakes and suffer the natural consequences of said mistake.

If people were even a little bit more kind to one another, instead of assuming everyone is the same and only seeing the negative, the world would be a much gentler place.

And I hope to raise my children to not be tough or hard to face this world, but instead, to be gentle and kind to help soften this world. 

And I proudly wear my snowflake badge with honor...

*Disclaimer: So far, my daughter has been blessed with great teachers throughout her education. And with the exception of 2 or 3 teachers, the whole elementary school has a great reputation. We live in a higher socioeconomic district, and our school is ranked nationally, and our class sizes are small for a public school. So other than a few general mishaps here and there, I'm very satisfied with our district, as opposed to homeschool (of course, other than the whole strike thing). But this post is focused more on the general sense of humanity and the need to control and punish children... Not just in schools, but in life.


Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Mid Week Humor: Men...

I find it ironic, that men have battled dragons and wielded swords in Colosseums, but yet, cannot master the skills required to remove their clothes off the bathroom floor and into the hamper... Motherhood.
The Happy Days Blog

Monday, March 27, 2017

A peaceful parent reaction...

Today began like any Monday morning would... The sun rose quicker than expected, my eyes didn't want to open, and my children were up parallel to the sun rising. And after a night of disrupted sleep from my son, coffee could have easily been hooked up to an IV dispenser. 

It was raining, like it usually does. Our normal end of March, April, and early May, consists of 90% rain. Our little nook of the country, is like the east coast Seattle.

Mondays are tough for us too, because after the long weekend, my daughter usually clings tightly to me, begging to stay a little bit longer. However, today, I was completely caught off guard by my son. Although, I should have expected something, when he started crying because his socks felt weird upon dressing. But, I was distracted, packing lunch and listening to my daughter convey her long term scenario life goals.

We exited our car and ran through the puddles to the awning area, while waiting for the doors to open. I rhythmically ran through my positive speeches in my head that I would recite to my daughter, like I do daily. But suddenly, very quickly, my son started whining. Then, he did the infamous, feet stomp against the pavement. Normally, he patiently stands at my side, while I'm coaxing his sister inside the doors and sometimes, he'll even offer some motivational support. But today, he started yelling, in front of everyone, that he didn't want to wait outside anymore.

My daughter shied away, I assumed, with embarrassment. I knelt down in front of him, to talk softly about how "yelling is not an acceptable way to communicate your feelings. I realize you are tired from being up multiple times last night and mommy's tired too, but we have to stay here for your sister."

That comforted, soft spoken statement, has never failed me -even with my alpha daughter. Once I calmly reason with them, they always oblige.

Except today...

Today, he yelled, "no!" And started to cry, loudly. At this point, the buses were pulling up to the curb and parents and students were lining up around us. And I couldn't talk him into walking off to the side, away from the crowd. Now, I was in agreement with my daughter and embarrassed. 

In my years as a parent, I was never in a situation where I didn't have complete control over said situation...

I was stuck. Because, when one of my children ever acted this way (and they have. We're all human), I would softly scoop them up and remove them from the stimulus. However, in this moment, the doors weren't even open yet and I couldn't just leave my daughter by herself, while I took my son back to the car. On top of that, I immediately mulled through the idea, what if she doesn't walk right in?

I kept a smile on my face, as I kindly coaxed my son in the direction towards the door. He refused, and sat on the wet ground. My daughter then picked up my hand and said, "it's ok mommy, I'll walk in on my own." I looked over and noticed the doors were already opened and my heart sunk. I asked her if she was ok walking in without waiting for a friend, or lingering a bit longer. But, she reassured me that she was fine and gave me the biggest hug, kiss, and our secret handshake. 

And walked in...

This little girl is and has always been, so wise above her years. She had the capability to sense the emotions around her and pushed aside her own morning jitters to help me evade an obvious escalating scenario.

Or, she was just overly embarrassed and wanted to run away...

I know I did...

And back at home, my son was asleep immediately after breakfast, for 3 hours straight. After, of course, I snuggled beside him in his bed and we talked about his feelings and how mama and sister felt from him actions...

Today was definitely a curve ball kind of day. A day that I'm not used to experiencing. But like all parents, we've all been there. We all experienced embarrassing, tantrum moments, a time or two.

But as the quote holds true, our children are not giving us a hard time, they're having a hard time. And it's not how the child is reacting that holds importance, it's how the parent reacts, that is monumental. And, it's not like a child is born with all these coping strategies. They're learned and downloaded after experiences are had, such as this. 

With this logic, the child is allowed more freedom to be self aware, instead of self conscious. They'll recognize their emotions and understand how to proceed with future encounters. The parent's job, is to calmly guide the child in the proper direction, but not force with punishment. Because, you don't want the child to think that having emotions towards a stimulus is a bad thing. Or, that they can't make mistakes. Instead, you want to demonstrate what the proper emotion towards a stimulus should be.

And, in my opinion, modeling calmness and understanding is a great start...

Friday, March 24, 2017

Some Friday night fun...


Since we're a household of consuming very little junk food/processed foods, I promised both of my children, that if we went a full week without any one of us being sick, I'd buy them a pinata and fill it with candy. It's a way of celebrating and rewarding them for the tough winter sickness season they endured... 

Well, today marked the first full week that none of us have been sick, since January. And needless to say, they were very happy... 

And now, they will spend the evening bouncing off the walls...

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Mid Week Humor: Chaos

Parenting has taught me, that chaos is a normal part of life. I felt comforted by this, when I put my daughter's lunch box in the refrigerator and attempted to fit the water jug in her backpack this morning... Motherhood.
The Happy Days Blog

Friday, March 10, 2017

A girl and her security...


It was almost mid 40s degrees and the outside was stricken with rain. The air was damp and somber, and chilly to the touch. That day, was the second day my daughter was back at school, after being off for 6 straight days... 

We stood outside the clear pane double doors, as she clung to my leg, for what seemed like eternity... Mist from the rain sprayed onto our uncovered faces, as I started my typical motivational speaker speech. I had my sick son in my arms, a swollen face from having my wisdom tooth extracted the day before, and I haven't slept since god knows when... 

She had tears in her eyes, as she pleaded to stay with me, just a little bit longer. And, I wanted so desperately to pick her up with my available arm and walk her back to the our car and go home, like I've wanted to do every time, since preschool. However, I knew, that wouldn't be the best response for her. Because, this little girl loves school. She adores it and does very well with her grades and has an awesomely caring teacher... It's just that, every morning, she has this internal battle with herself and struggles leaving the security of the known, to be thrust into the unknown... I know that battle, because I struggled with it daily as a child too. 

I knelt down on the floor beside her, hugging her tight, and talked with her, letting her know just how much I love her and how much fun she would have at school -- and how these days at home, are beyond boring, with my son still sick and me in pain... I wiped a tear from her sad eyes and she crinkled her nose up at me, letting me know, that I was right... 

We smiled at each other and cracked a joke or two and I said something off topic, which distracted her enough to see the children filing through the doors next to us. 

A friend of hers stopped by us and held out her hand towards my daughter, she reached for it, but pulled back quickly to give me one last hug, kiss, and our secret handshake, then slowly released. And smiled back at me, as they walked down the hall... 

Between the missed days from the teachers strike, missed snow days, and her missed sick days, she has been inconsistently in and out of school since the beginning of the year... As a whole, we haven't even reached our 100th day of school yet... So for my daughter, this in and out of school business has been really hard on her. It makes leaving home, feel like it's the first time, over and over again...

So as I watched them walk down the hall, further away from me, the feeling of being proud for her and never getting used to that sight both flooded over me. I know leaving her mama and her comfort routine is really difficult for her, and most children her age, but on the other side, I know this hesitation with leaving me, is only temporary. And very soon, she'll expect me to barely stop the car, as she dives out onto the pavement, to run in though the doors with her friends. 

And I really don't know if there will be a time when I'm 100% comfortable with her moving on.
And really, what mother is?
But the one thing I do I know, is when she decides she's ready, all that security she's been clinging onto, will eventually be the blanket she needs, to independently walk one remarkable path.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Mid Week Humor: Veteran mom

Nothing says, veteran mom, more than having your wisdom tooth extracted, while both of your children are still sick and your husband is working long hours... That, or, stupidity... In fact, stupidity is the word I was looking to use... Motherhood.
The Happy Days Blog

Friday, March 3, 2017

A day in the life of a mom, when her children are sick...


It's been well over a week since both my children have been sick... We've been to the doctors once and had two phone conversations with their doctor since. Antibiotics are almost through and fevers are still sustained. Coughs are intense and fluids are plentiful. 1 million, is the approximate number of steps I have taken during the hours of 9:00 pm - 6:00 am. 3 million, is the number of times I have woken up to stare at my sleeping children, feel their foreheads, adjust their bodies, and apply cold compresses. Many days of school have been missed and I haven't seen the outside since last week. I haven't slept a full night in 8 days and my husband has worked more 12 hour days this week than normal --I'm starting to think, that was on purpose... 

And, it's basically just been the children and I for 24 hours a day for 8 days...

And I'm tired and stir-crazy and mentally exhausted...

I cannot remember the last time I showered, but I'm pretty positive, it wasn't in a socially acceptable time frame.

And while I'm writing this, I'm still in the same clothes that I've slept the last two nights in.

Like my last post stated (Sicknesses, yet again...), I'm not a veteran with my children being sick. This is the first time they truly have been sick and somehow, they contracted a mutant bug that even a Z-pack will not knock out. But I am familiar with illnesses and my parental nerves have gotten the best of me during this time. It just didn't feel normal to have a fever for so many days. So, I've turned into THAT parent, who called the doctor for constant reassurance. And I'm pretty sure, my doctor will change her phone number soon.

But here we are, day 8, my daughter's fever has broke (as of this post) and my son's fever is 103. But, as my eyes are only open due to the 15 cups of coffee I've consumed, my daughter pulled a hail mary this morning and got out of our warm bed, to refill her brother's orange juice cup... On her own... Without me even asking...

She sat next to him on the couch and caressed his warm head, while I made breakfast... And, she's reading chapters of her school's reading book to him, while his tired eyes follow her words.

This precious little girl of mine, always had a knack of sensing other's emotions. When she was younger, she would save my sanity with a perfectly timed hug, or an, "I love you mama." When I felt like I was this close to losing it, she would pull it all back together, just by being her.

So, as I finish this final paragraph, on the same small couch as my two beloved children, watching the same Color Crew series for the hundredth time and a cold cup of coffee in my hand, I finally feel a little more at ease... Maybe because I had some cupcakes and cupcakes always make everything so much better... But also, because, one out of two of my children are on the mend. And with the two of us, sharing our love to our littlest one, I'm sure he'll be on the mend a lot quicker...

Because love and comfort is truly the best medicine...

And a Z-pack...
That stuff is strong.

And possibly, a shower (for me, not him)... 

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Mid Week Humor: Irony

That awkward moment when you say, "at least both of my children aren't sick at the same time," only to be woken up at 3:00 am, to two children with a fever... Motherhood.
The Happy Days Blog