Today began like any Monday morning would... The sun rose quicker than expected, my eyes didn't want to open, and my children were up parallel to the sun rising. And after a night of disrupted sleep from my son, coffee could have easily been hooked up to an IV dispenser.
It was raining, like it usually does. Our normal end of March, April, and early May, consists of 90% rain. Our little nook of the country, is like the east coast Seattle.
Mondays are tough for us too, because after the long weekend, my daughter usually clings tightly to me, begging to stay a little bit longer. However, today, I was completely caught off guard by my son. Although, I should have expected something, when he started crying because his socks felt weird upon dressing. But, I was distracted, packing lunch and listening to my daughter convey her long term scenario life goals.
We exited our car and ran through the puddles to the awning area, while waiting for the doors to open. I rhythmically ran through my positive speeches in my head that I would recite to my daughter, like I do daily. But suddenly, very quickly, my son started whining. Then, he did the infamous, feet stomp against the pavement. Normally, he patiently stands at my side, while I'm coaxing his sister inside the doors and sometimes, he'll even offer some motivational support. But today, he started yelling, in front of everyone, that he didn't want to wait outside anymore.
My daughter shied away, I assumed, with embarrassment. I knelt down in front of him, to talk softly about how "yelling is not an acceptable way to communicate your feelings. I realize you are tired from being up multiple times last night and mommy's tired too, but we have to stay here for your sister."
That comforted, soft spoken statement, has never failed me -even with my alpha daughter. Once I calmly reason with them, they always oblige.
Except today...
Today, he yelled, "no!" And started to cry, loudly. At this point, the buses were pulling up to the curb and parents and students were lining up around us. And I couldn't talk him into walking off to the side, away from the crowd. Now, I was in agreement with my daughter and embarrassed.
In my years as a parent, I was never in a situation where I didn't have complete control over said situation...
I was stuck. Because, when one of my children ever acted this way (and they have. We're all human), I would softly scoop them up and remove them from the stimulus. However, in this moment, the doors weren't even open yet and I couldn't just leave my daughter by herself, while I took my son back to the car. On top of that, I immediately mulled through the idea, what if she doesn't walk right in?
I kept a smile on my face, as I kindly coaxed my son in the direction towards the door. He refused, and sat on the wet ground. My daughter then picked up my hand and said, "it's ok mommy, I'll walk in on my own." I looked over and noticed the doors were already opened and my heart sunk. I asked her if she was ok walking in without waiting for a friend, or lingering a bit longer. But, she reassured me that she was fine and gave me the biggest hug, kiss, and our secret handshake.
And walked in...
This little girl is and has always been, so wise above her years. She had the capability to sense the emotions around her and pushed aside her own morning jitters to help me evade an obvious escalating scenario.
Or, she was just overly embarrassed and wanted to run away...
I know I did...
And back at home, my son was asleep immediately after breakfast, for 3 hours straight. After, of course, I snuggled beside him in his bed and we talked about his feelings and how mama and sister felt from him actions...
Today was definitely a curve ball kind of day. A day that I'm not used to experiencing. But like all parents, we've all been there. We all experienced embarrassing, tantrum moments, a time or two.
But as the quote holds true, our children are not giving us a hard time, they're having a hard time. And it's not how the child is reacting that holds importance, it's how the parent reacts, that is monumental. And, it's not like a child is born with all these coping strategies. They're learned and downloaded after experiences are had, such as this.
With this logic, the child is allowed more freedom to be self aware, instead of self conscious. They'll recognize their emotions and understand how to proceed with future encounters. The parent's job, is to calmly guide the child in the proper direction, but not force with punishment. Because, you don't want the child to think that having emotions towards a stimulus is a bad thing. Or, that they can't make mistakes. Instead, you want to demonstrate what the proper emotion towards a stimulus should be.
And, in my opinion, modeling calmness and understanding is a great start...
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