Friday, March 31, 2017

A little rant... School. Peaceful Parenting. And just basic human kindness.

I had something happen to me today that rendered me speechless. And for those who know me personally, know that's a feat. In fact, I usually strive to have the last word in any situation. But today, it took me far too long to process what I heard.

After months of trying to coax my daughter to effortlessly walk through the school's front doors without hesitation, she finally has been on a positive streak. But, that was due to having her walk with me to the inside of the double doors (the breezeway area -the part before the locked set of doors). I've been doing this as a way to take her away from the distraction of all the other children and in case she started to cry, it would save her from embarrassment. 

And since this whole debacle of the teachers strike has continued this far and now, the teachers refuse to open the doors a minute before their contracted time, this was my alternative for the best interest of MY child.

So today, the teacher who stands outside every morning, walked past us and a special needs family and repeatedly stated, "you're not supposed to be in here." Then with attitude said, "parents need to follow the rules to have order." Which really threw me for a loop. So much, that I couldn't even quickly reply...

This is just elementary school, right?
A socialism program that 60% of the funding for this district is paid by the taxpayers (I've attended too many school board meetings since the strike). 

The funny part was, when I went back home and reviewed the policies, it only stated that families cannot enter the building without signing in the office first... Nothing about being in the locked off section.

Then, this led me to that infamous statement... "well, if we let you do it, then we have to let everyone do it."

Then let everyone do it...

We're living in a society where it somehow became socially acceptable to put more faith in other caregivers of authority, than ourselves. Parent's do it automatically... My children are going to school, not prison. I'm not signing over custody to them for 7 hours a day, they're still mine. And if I want to stand away from the crowd in a separate area to say goodbye to my daughter, I should be allowed to. Hell, the teachers are putting their needs first with this strike, why shouldn't we as parents put the needs of our children first. And I'm astonished that there aren't more parents who don't find all this absurd. And, to use the statement, we need order, reminded me of a regime, and that's the part that rendered me speechless.

But frankly, it's more about control. I've written time and time again about how children always get the bum deal in all this. How they're the only group who have absolutely no say or rights in their own lives. And many would say, it's because they're not old enough to understand. And yes, there is truth to that. But, they're old enough to know when they're being disrespected and not trusted.

All these rules and policies are written to obtain control over the child. Their day is ridden with threats and punishments. Maybe not corporal. But punishments of no recess or not being able to participate in fun activities, if they do something wrong. Not participating, is more detrimental to the child's welfare than, it just being about fun. Children need breaks in the day and a way to diffuse anxieties and being bored. Preventing this, will only cause more disruption.

And I can't imagine that fear of doing something wrong is actually helping progress a child's education (or even help behaviors at home), especially, if they're not exposed to it.

I raise my children in a home without punishment. There are no threats or items being taken away. They are being raised with mutual respect and understanding. And communication of emotions in a loving and secure environment. 

And, it's not that I need anyone to treat my children differently. But how about, they treat every child that way. Why do children need to be feared into listening? Can't they just listen because that's the correct thing to do? Can't they be given that extra second or two to be explained?

Why must we shout at children like they're cattle, not moving in the correct direction? Why must we continue with the old way of, if one child acts up, then the whole class is punished? Haven't we progressed more as a society to accept the psychology and understand basic human communication?
--Basically, in order to be respected, you must show respect.

I'm even more floored that I'm looked at as odd because, I care about these issues. What seems mundane to others, is a big deal to me. And with that, I'm mocked as a "hippie" or, "snowflake" or, "babying my children" because I care about their well being and the way they're being treated out of my care. 

Because I decided, that the old way of doing things, isn't necessarily the best.

Besides, children do not all have the ability to externalize what they're processing, like adults do. They don't easily brush things off. Instead, they internalize it all. When something happens to them, they think it's directed solely at them and they begin to doubt themselves. With that, teachers have the innate ability to make or break a child. Some would say, they have too much power. Contrastingly, the ability of an adult dealing with a boss who is down right mean, comes with age. It comes when the brain matures and you stop thinking the world revolves around you and everything that is happening around you, is about you. A skill that makes puberty unbearable.

So, being tough on children and drawing attention to their weaknesses isn't going to help them grow. Moving cards from green to red isn't going to motivate every child. Just like, secluding them from the class isn't going to add positivity. Instead, it creates unnecessary insecurities and embarrassment, as they age.

If schools (and even parents) focused more on positive reinforcement versus the negativity, you'd lose that negative attention seeking behavior and the urge to rebel against the walls of structure and rules. You'd be surprised what happens when you give children a little control over their lives and the respect to allow them to make mistakes and suffer the natural consequences of said mistake.

If people were even a little bit more kind to one another, instead of assuming everyone is the same and only seeing the negative, the world would be a much gentler place.

And I hope to raise my children to not be tough or hard to face this world, but instead, to be gentle and kind to help soften this world. 

And I proudly wear my snowflake badge with honor...

*Disclaimer: So far, my daughter has been blessed with great teachers throughout her education. And with the exception of 2 or 3 teachers, the whole elementary school has a great reputation. We live in a higher socioeconomic district, and our school is ranked nationally, and our class sizes are small for a public school. So other than a few general mishaps here and there, I'm very satisfied with our district, as opposed to homeschool (of course, other than the whole strike thing). But this post is focused more on the general sense of humanity and the need to control and punish children... Not just in schools, but in life.


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