A bad day happens every now and then...

Today concludes one of those days... 

The day where my children and I bumped heads all day. 

Every time they pushed, I pushed back. Which seemed to last all eternity, as the clock slowly ticked by. I started sentences with, "why did you do that?" With already knowing the answer. 

And, both of my children fought with each other and tears were shed from all parties involved, myself included...

Once the chaos descended and our bedtime routine was nullified, I sat for a few extra seconds beside my two sleeping children and the soundless air was too difficult to breathe.  

It's in that moment, the calmness of their sleeping faces tugged at my heart strings. 

I know the whole routine of parenting and I know the drill to peaceful parent, I live it everyday. Peaceful parenting is the only method we have engulfed our lives in and it works wonderfully for us. But some days are more difficult than others. 

On those rare "off" days, my patience is tried and stomped on and thrown to the wolves. And I hold my composure and handle the uncertainties with ease. But when the attitudes from my children starts at noon, then by five, my brain is a cluster of chaos.

And it isn't until they are both calm and laying in their beds waiting for their beloved stories, that I begin to decompress. Then the guilt floods my thoughts... Thinking, how I should have had that extra second of patience when my daughter asked for her fifteenth item in the row. Or when my son decided to empty out the third bin of cars/batman guys/play food onto the floor... I should have smiled and said I'd help with clean up. Or set up cups for my daughter to get her own drinks. 

Ha! But, I'm not sure Mother Theresa always had THAT much patience either...

But, it's in that moment, when their one eye is half openly gazed at me, I emotionally collapse and tell them how mommy is sorry for the way she reacted. How mommy is the adult and should have the patience and understanding to allow both of them to make their mistakes. Because, they are the ones with the premature brain and have the inability to control their impulses. Mommy is the one who knows better. Mommy is the one who is supposed to guide them through their mistakes. Not add to them. 

My parenting change began years ago, when I stopped focusing on my children's behavior, but instead, focused on the way I reacted to their behavior. Instead of always assuming what my children could have down better, I immediately think what I could have done better. And nobody gets it right all the time... Even if they know all the right things to say and the right ways to act. 

But, anytime I make a mistake of any kind, I tell them. I explain what was wrong and what should have been done differently. And how mommy ALWAYS loves them. Despite their awful days. 

So, when they eventually fall asleep, I erase the image of my short fused day and their constant need to push my buttons, and move on. I lay next to them and think of the good points the day offered. How, when I was upset, my son held my hand and told me how much he loved me. And, how he wanted "lots of hugs forever." Or, when my daughter told me she was thankful for all the things I do for her. And how we managed to get bike riding into our day to attempt to burn the wild energy.

And maybe in hindsight, the kids could have used a nap.

And maybe mommy too.

But nonetheless, tomorrow is a new day. A day filled with lots of hope of better behavior from my well rested children, and fun adventures with the two people I love more than life itself.

And to you parents who are reading, know that there will always be bad days thrown into the mix. Children have been trying the patience of parents since the dawn of time. And parents have been losing their cool equally. But, know that it's an ideal parenting opportunity to teach your children that even adults aren't perfect and make mistakes. And, a good person will always admit when they're wrong and will always do better at the next chance.

So for right now, I'll sit in the quiet, concluded night. Eat my cupcakes with my tea and binge watch The Kardashians. 

And eagerly await to hug my children in the morning.