Friday, June 7, 2019

What bedtime looks like in our home... And some thoughts on growing...

Bedtime in our home has always been chaotic... I used to have this image of me sitting on the foot of the bed, reading a story, and giving a goodnight kiss, as I exited the bedroom with the child still awake... And sure, my son sometimes does this... But my 8 year old daughter, is more like a Gremlin being sprayed with water...

Going to sleep and staying asleep, has never been her thing. She was very colicky as an infant and never slept longer than minutes at a clip -before she would wake back up crying, inconsolably.

She stopped napping by 18 months old and only dropped under dire need. She also never slept in the car, but she also didn't cry either - so, that kind of cancelled each other out...

She has never slept alone since birth...

And, at first, I did it all... I paced the house with her in my arms during her 12 hours of colic spells. I read 30 stories a night and rocked her to sleep, singing every nursery rhyme song in the beat of my steps... I laid countless hours besides her and then, crawled out of her room like I was escaping a laser ridden bank vault, trying so desperately not to be seen (or felt)... But like clockwork, she'd always open her eyes, whether I laid there for 5 minutes or 5 hours... I even opened my bed to her, where she only fell asleep as long as a part of her body was touching you - Even then, she would occasionally wake to make sure you were still there...

I did it all, because I do not believe in crying it out... I will never be on board with the thought of a child crying desperately for their parent, while they stand motionless outside the door, waiting to break the baby, like a trainer does to a horse...


And, when did a child wanting to be with their parents become a bad thing? Why are we conditioned to separate ourselves, like society expects us to?

And, after 6.5 hours away at school, she misses her mom -Just as much as I miss her... Besides, she's only just a child...

I also did it all, because I know one day, this will all be over with...

And while I sometimes felt like I'd give a kidney to just have her sleep in her own bed, I knew deep down, this was all only temporary...


On my social media sites I've written countless times about how unfair childhood is to parents...

There is so much growth and development that occurs during those first 10-12 years of life... So much neediness - which that neediness then changes from needs to wants, but both are just as demanding (first, they're begging for juice. Then, they're begging for a ride to a friend's house)... You are pulled in so many directions, you're not even sure which side is up. And, everyone is telling you to enjoy every moment because, it ends so quickly - and it does. It truly does...

And, that's the problem...

One minute you're drowning, praying to cling onto that life raft that just seems a bit out of reach... 

And then, all of the sudden, you reach it.

It's such a short time in our lives, but it's bombarded with so much chaos and mental anguish that it's rare we can actually enjoy it all...

And then, it's over... And, they no longer view you as the most important person in their lives -You are no longer their pivotal person who decides their fate. You no longer are required to dress them, bathe them, and feed them. They no longer want to hear bedtime stories, they don't want to talk to you right before bed (for an hour), they go to sleep without saying good night, or you fall asleep before them...

And, you're left wishing they'd bombard you with 40 questions in 3 seconds. Or, randomly say your name in rapid succession, while you're on the phone, just to say, "I love you." Or, beg to sleep next to you every night - instead of sleeping away in a lonely dorm room...

See, the growth of childhood is a task that no one prepares you for. Everyone talks about infancy and toddlers, and you only hear about the snippiness of teens... But no one talks about the changes parents go through, during this process... None of us were ready for the push/pull we received or will receive. No one discusses, how some days, you'll feel like you're barely holding on, then somewhere along the line, you blinked and it's over...

I write this, on the foot of my daughter's bed. I can hear her softly sleeping, while our kitten lies just above her head on the JoJo pillow. The room is quiet, except for the whirling sound of the fan. Her white Christmas lights are draped over her white lace curtains, which glow the room brightly... This is
 the 4th night in a row that she has fallen asleep in here and stayed in here until, the wee hours of the morning... I have been able to stand up, walk out, trip over a JoJo Siwa microphone and hit my body against the wall, and she still hasn't woken up. 

This week has helped reinforce, that this is all temporary. I already see her roots digging a little further past the fence and beginning to sprout in the neighbors yard - Further and further away from me... And as fast as her extracurricular activities are weeding away our weeks, she is almost double digits. And eventually, will have a life of her own...


I won't be staying hours at theater and for dance. I won't be hovering in the background during her events. And, she won't need me to stay with her, when she goes to a friend's house.

So, tonight, I take it day by day and readjust that image, which was once so clear in my mind... Because the only thing that is guaranteed in this life is, that life is constantly changing.


And with change, brings growth... But not just for my child, but also for me..


**I want to thank you all, who are reading this... Thank you for sticking with me... I took a hiatus for a little bit, due to my daughter's singing, acting, and dancing, that has been consuming our lives. I haven't been able to sit in one place long enough to collect my thoughts, let alone, blog frequently. However, I have stayed up on my social media - because, that is just way easier to post and go... And, I also did a few "video rants" on my Facebook page - because again, that is much easier for me to just talk, instead of formulating thoughts into words on paper.
Dance recital is this weekend. Then, we switch over to our summer drop in schedule. And, we're into the summer theatre program, which isn't as intensive as a musical, but still takes up our weekends -That ends, middle of July...
So, I'm hoping to write a little more frequently. 
With that, I'd like to have each of my platforms for different things... 

My blog, to reflect on my feelings with parenthood and my experiences fighting against childism as a respectful parent.
My Facebook, to use as an education site - Posting memes, videos, and having conversations and debates (link here - The Happy Days).
My Instagram, to post photos with positive captions. And use my insta-stories as a vlog (link here - the_happy_days)
My Twitter, to post funny phrases and sayings (link here - The_Happy_Days)... 
(Also, each of these pages can be found on the right side column of my blog - in, non mobile version). 

Thank you for reading... 
And I look forward to hearing from you all!

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