Thursday, January 17, 2019

Is Gaslighting, the new norm towards children?

I must say, I'm so proud of my daughter!

As all of you know, my parenting is about autonomy and childhood rights. I focus on child-centered parenting, where we're more of a team. Instead of the typical, us against them, mentality.

At school, during their outdoor recess, my daughter and a bunch of kids were running around playing tag - like kids do. My daughter, in her clumsy fashion, tripped and fell onto her face (by the way, that's inherited from my husband, not me -hahaha). She was bleeding from her mouth and the kids were kind enough to come over, to see how she was. Then, a teacher came over to see what the commotion was all about and immediately told my daughter, she was fine. 

Keep in mind, my daughter was not crying. She didn't even complain about anything -she didn't have a chance, as she was still on the ground. At that point, the teacher basically wanted to break up the commotion and get everyone back to where they were. She obviously didn't want to hear my daughter's thoughts or feelings on what just happened.


My daughter kindly asked to go to the nurse to get cleaned up. But the teacher just kept telling her, she was fine and she didn't need to go to the nurse. Then, guided her to go back and play...

But instead of blindly following, my daughter told her, "I am not fine. I am bleeding and would like to go to the nurse to get checked out." 
*I always tell my children, you can question anyone -even adults- as long as it's done respectfully. Just because someone is older than you, it doesn't mean they're always correct.

To which the teacher finally replied, "fine, just go in."

I always find school very hypocritical in that, they expect the world from the kids. They expect them to blindly follow, sit still, pay attention, raise their hands only when told, go to the bathroom only when allowed, be responsible for their own assignments, know how to put their hair in a ponytail perfectly, etc... But, they're not allowed to be responsible for their own feelings...

I'm passionate about not telling my children how they feel. They're people, with their own thoughts, feelings and opinions. I don't control them. I don't gaslight them, nor dominate them. -If my child gets hurt, I don't tell them they're fine. Instead, I cuddle them and tell them I understand it hurts and mama is here to help make it all better... I think a lot of people get caught up in the thought, that children need to be told they're fine all the time - regardless of how they actually feel. 
Because, I guess, they think children are incapable of understanding how they actually feel...

But what if they're not fine? 

Do we really want to send the message to our children that their feelings aren't justified?

Do we really want to diminish our children's feelings?

Suppressing feelings, will eventually end up making them unsure of when to speak up when bigger problems arise later on. If they're constantly told they're fine, how will they know when they're not fine?

I'm proud of her. 

I'm proud she actually voiced her concern and stood up to someone...

...It's just a shame that the person who was gaslighting her, happened to be a teacher - you know, the people who are supposed to be there to help you...

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